Am I the only one on here with no contact with FOB?

[resursval]

I have some contact, if you can call it that. He likes to threaten me with his new gf saying she will be the perfect step mom... She's a felon! Ugh. Sometimes I wish I had no contact at all

What a piece of work she is and what a piece of work he is to use his gf for such purposes as well.

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

Yep, better off without.

 

[Calambria]

My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole.

Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path.

I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.

 

[Gunnhilde]

My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole.

Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path.

I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.

That IS my ex-husband to a tee. Although, I am the one who moved because I couldn't take it anymore.

Not to worry you, but he is still that way now, almost 4 years after our divorce/pregnancy. It took me until my LO was about 9 months old to process that he wasn't ever going to come around.

He'll probably try and blame you as a reason he doesn't want to see the kid or whatever else. Try and realize that it is just him trying to manipulate you and make himself feel better. Real men want to see their children, even if they hate their ex-partners.

 

[Calambria]

Thank you, hun. He is absolutely infuriated with me, has been since the day he left. The amusing part in this whole story is that while he left(and I'm talking left...packed up his stuff on a whim and moved across the country), he called it an 'oops' a few days later and after the issues within our marriage, I said individual + marriage counseling is the only way this is happening again. He's too narcissistic for that. So I'm the bad guy for not accepting him with open arms or whatever goes through his head.

Sometimes I feel like the idiot. Because I tried to involve him in the pregnancy in whatever way I could even seeing that he's flat out not interested. I wind up hurting myself because I hurt for what my baby might go through later(and no worries, I understand this trend is likely to continue. It's that or he'll fight me tooth and nail to get sole physical custody, like he threatened. He's extreme like that, either direction).

I am sorry about your ex-husband. It's a pity, the way people can behave. There's just some things I'll never understand(and frankly, I'm glad that I won't). My mom once told me: "Don't worry when you can't understand...Worry when you do."

Thanks for listening to me.

 

[resursval]

My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole.

Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it.

Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path.

I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.

It's kind of weird that I don't hate my FOB. I just feel sorry for him. Sorry for him that he is not well in his mind, what person that is normal would abandon their own child? And act like a total moron? It has taken me quite a while to come to peace with this (soon 3 years) but I realize he is not well. I still want to understand and I think I do hence the reason I don't think of him so often.
It is normal to feel the way you do. But maybe if you try to understand why he is an asshole that would make you less angry at him because he doesn't sound well either. Sorry for intruding like this and blurting out, just saying what's on my mind really. You need to prioritize you and your baby, which I think you are, that asshole will hopefully one day realize what he has given up and that day noone will want to be in his shoes..

 

[Calambria]

You're not intruding at all.

When I say "I don't want to get it", a better way of explaining that would mean "I don't want to relate to it". I would never want to be so understanding of how his mind works that I could empathize with what he's doing...If that makes sense!

This is still pretty new to me so I've got a road ahead of me in learning to find acceptance. My husband is not well, no. There's just...stuff wrong. I don't know what nor do I want to analyze him because I've been down that road and you can never really come up with answers...And I think that's what I have to accept. That I might not know the whys - And learning how to be ok with not knowing.

Thanks

 

[whatwillbe]

I can relate to all you ladies, my fob wont be seeing this baby, my choise, he was the one who wanted me to have his baby, he told me practically every week fo months, "i want you to have my baby" and if we had a baby it would be a love child", he even went so far as to pick names ! The last time i saw him i was about 5 weeks preg and havnt seen him since, we had a big argument over his ex, an then he just tells me he's not in a relationship with any 1, i spoke to him about two weeks ago and he's basically saying he never said he wanted a baby with me and that if he did, he didnt mean it, and he's making out i was desperate to have a baby, i already have 3 kids so thats really not true! I think he got back with his ex but doesnt have the balls to tell me , i hate him so much right now, and the way i see it, if he cant be botherd to show an interest now, he will not be getting that chance once baby arrives, everything we had together was a lie, and me and my baby dont need some one like him in our lives, sorry to go on and on! I hope all you ladies are doing well, keep strong ! X

 

[Surreal]

I've had no contact with FOB since ten or so weeks pregnant. He's never met my son, and has never attempted to.

Good riddence, I say... Though, he got his wife to have a baby, which turned out to be a boy, so good chance that's why we don't exist, anymore.

 

[Calambria]

I can relate to all you ladies, my fob wont be seeing this baby, my choise, he was the one who wanted me to have his baby, he told me practically every week fo months, "i want you to have my baby" and if we had a baby it would be a love child", he even went so far as to pick names ! The last time i saw him i was about 5 weeks preg and havnt seen him since, we had a big argument over his ex, an then he just tells me he's not in a relationship with any 1, i spoke to him about two weeks ago and he's basically saying he never said he wanted a baby with me and that if he did, he didnt mean it, and he's making out i was desperate to have a baby, i already have 3 kids so thats really not true! I think he got back with his ex but doesnt have the balls to tell me , i hate him so much right now, and the way i see it, if he cant be botherd to show an interest now, he will not be getting that chance once baby arrives, everything we had together was a lie, and me and my baby dont need some one like him in our lives, sorry to go on and on! I hope all you ladies are doing well, keep strong ! X

Yes, yes yes. This is what I think causes so much confusion. I'm not saying we all are expected to have perfect reactions to pregnancy - Whether planned or unplanned. But it's certainly not normal by any means to go from "The womb is holy grounds" and lay their hand there every night(yes, this is what my soon to be ex husband did) to complete, sustained indifference and even outright denial once the womb became holier or however he thinks of it.

My guess is these people either say what sounds good at the time without thinking of the reality of the situation and the responsibilities that come along with it. Unfortunate.

I so understand how you feel, luv. I wish we didn't have to understand each other.

 

[teal]

Sad there are so many men out there who can just ignore they have a child.

 

[resursval]

Sad there are so many men out there who can just ignore they have a child.

Actually I feel more fortunate than many women that have a man "by their side"...

 

[Ceejay123]

Wow, so many men have walked out on their children, I feel awful for you guys. these men have no idea what they're missing out on! My OH has no contact with his ex, but see's his LO through a family member - It was a compromise so that there would still be visitation, but they wouldn't have to speak after a bad breakup. It's working for now, but he hopes to make things better in the future for the LO's sake.

All of you are strong women doing this alone . Well done. x

 

[LoLoKate]

I dont...he passed away nearly 3 months ago. Prior to passing though, we were an "of&off" couple.
But now I've adjusted to the single-teen-mother life

 

[teal]

Sad there are so many men out there who can just ignore they have a child.

Actually I feel more fortunate than many women that have a man "by their side"...

For me it's not so much the having a man by my side, I've never been one of those women who needs a relationship, it's just worrying about whether or not my son is going to feel he's missed out or how he'll feel when he learns that his father never wanted him.

Definitely know what you mean about feeling more fortunate, I've seen friends in relationships where their partner does absolutely nothing. I think if you're single at least you don't expect anything. (If that makes sense!) xx

 

[jcrhccna1]

That would really suck your fob dosnt know what he is missing