Am I the only one....

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by CarCam, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

    Apr 9, 2009
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    who can't stand to be around anyone else right now? I have definitely secluded myself these past few days, and now it is to the point where I don't even want to answer the phone anymore.

    I just can't stand the fact that everyone either completely ignores what happened, or they say the stupidest things. We spent yesterday with my in-laws and my MIL kept talking about all of the ladies in her life who had just had babies. SERIOUSLY? Can people be anymore insensitive? I sat through Easter service yesterday morning only to cry uncontrollably (quietly) through the whole thing :cry:. I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my face. My MIL and husband ignored me the whole time...not so much as a tissue or a holding hand.

    I asked my MIL if she could watch my boys for me while I went to my midwives to ensure I didn't need a D&C and she acted like it would be a huge inconvenience (she doesn't even have a job!) and she never answered me. Am I asking too much to hear a, "Sure, no problem. I will help out anyway possible".

    My own mother keeps telling me to, "Move on Honey. You need to stop thinking about it. You are bringing this on yourself right now Honey because you won't let it go". Does she honestly think I can just "stop thinking about it" when every few hours I am reminded when I go to the bathroom? How can I forget when I am still feeling the pain of my MC that happened less than a week ago?

    I realize the people who I am referring to have never suffered a MC and obviously don't understand. But, I don't understand how everyone can expect me to "get over it".

    I am sorry that this post seems so angry. I may be taking my pain out on the others around me.
  2. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

    Oct 1, 2008
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    We all grieve in different ways :hugs:
  3. Rainstar

    Rainstar Mommy of a sleeping angel

    Feb 20, 2009
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    :hug: for you!

    So sorry for your loss hun! I just wanted to let you know that its okay to want some space from people, especially when nobody can say the right thing to you.

    Give yourself time to get over it and try and ignore the sensitive comments. I know thats really hard but only you know how you feel inside and you need time to grieve.

    If you need to :hissy: or anything else then you're amongst people who understand. You don't need to hide your grief here

    Hope you're okay

    Kay x
  4. Chilli

    Chilli Very lucky Mum of 2 girls

    Feb 26, 2009
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    No you're not the only one at all. I'm several weeks down the line from you and am just starting to get really peeved with the "ignore it and you'll be ok" attitude.
    It's strange, my Mum who I've always been very close to does the same thing: whenever I try to broach the subject of how I miss my baby like mad she changes the subject to talking about a friend of hers who's just had a baby - I just can't believe she doesn't realise how insensitive that is!
    Like I said to my OH yesterday, I feel that everybody would be much more interested and willing to help if I was still pg and yet I would need it so much less!
    I understand your anger, I get that way too - this is a good place to vent!
  5. heleninaseb

    heleninaseb Member

    Apr 7, 2009
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    so sorry dear, to read your sadness again...

    It's been 10 days now and I have days when I am stronger, hopeful ,holding to positive thinking and forgiving the unsensitive people who wants to help with really bad words to say...

    yeah nothing happened for others,even family
    you just were pregnant for you,it was inside you, they didn t see anything, so for them
    nothing happened

    I cannot bear this either
    I cannot even bear the messages of kindness now, like "it's gonna be okay"
    I know it's gonna be okay.
    I know.
    I just don't want to hear anything
    just music
    it solaces me my soul

    I lost my baby in April so I called her April and I discovered this song this morning

    which will make me cry during many years.
    it'll be my special song for my unborn child.

    I keep writing poems to put it all out, but it's not so easy...

    and I have to wait to try and get pregnant again.
    I do know that somehow the pain will be easier to deal with if I get pregnant in May.
    I will cry
    pregnancy makes you so emo...
    I will keep mourning April.
    but I will feel so happy again and bring and nurtur new hopes!

    that's what I'm looking forward to.

    I have a hard time to cry these days and this pisses me off.

    I truly am sad to read how your husband behaves with you
    it's not my business to judge
    but it's very sad to feel uncared and unloved in such a time.

    somehow we dont want to let it go
    it takes time!
    it's like a mourning

    just keep the time you need to heal!
    let them speak!
    be good to yourself!

    dear, dont be sorry for your anger
    it's an emotion
    it has to be expressed
    I have been through this too
    right now
    I am rather sad
    so sad today

    I wish things were easier
    I wish I could feel blessed and happy again
    I know all the things I am grateful for
    but everytime I see a baby, a child in a movie etc
    it just breaks my heart
    why can't I hold mine?

    I feel so old and alone.
    but yes like you I need some aloneness today.

    feel free to write me if you ever need to talk

  6. CarCam

    CarCam WTT after 2nd MC :(

    Apr 9, 2009
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    Thank you heleninaseb for sending the song.

    I am sorry that you are hurting right now.

  7. Schmelly

    Schmelly Regaining my life...

    Feb 16, 2008
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    It's such a tough thing to go through, and it takes a long time before feeling any semblance of 'normality'. It is tough for you that your dh and family are not being more supportive, because that must make you feel very lonely. Their attitude is making it more difficult for you to be with people than to be by yourself, so I can understand your desire for seclusion.

    Have you had a frank talk with dh about how it has affected you? About how you cannot forget when you still have physical pain, and the emotions cannot just vanish? Men often find it difficult to understand the bond you share with an unborn child because they are not the ones carrying the baby, and feeling every pregnancy twinge and symptom. They often don't understand how we immediately feel protective of the tiny little life inside of us, and they need a bit more help in understanding the emotions we, as expectant mothers, go through.

    Perhaps if he understand a little better, your dh will be more supportive?

    Sending you big :hug:

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