An absolute mess!

[Roma3]

Hi guys.

A few days before I found out I was pregnant me and my other half had an argument, to cut a long story short he has since told me its over and we have tried too many times and that that is basically it.

I am now 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant, which I appreciate is still early days. He will not see me for me to talk to him and is being very off with me so he does not yet know!

I need to tell him surely? So basically I am now in this on my own with the support of my parents. I am 28 and still live at home. I am so scared of the pregnancy failing, being alone, struggling, all these things I just don't know what to think or feel.

Do I just text him or ring him?! He won't see me so god knows what to do. After over 3 years with him I thought I knew him. I don't think he will be too happy to e honest but I am keeping this little bean that is a FACT!!

I was diagnosed as having Bi Polar depression at Christmas and have had a right shitty few months and complete break down and been on various meds but since finding out I am pregnant I have come off all meds for the baby's sake. I don't know how I am gonna do it without meds.

Part of me doesn't want him to know as I am keeping it quiet until I am 8-12 weeks gone and I know he will go and tell his Mum and our mutual friends for support and advice but I am not ready for them all to know and don't think if he is being so unreasonable now if he will really listen to me and keep it a secret with me?!

My head is a mess

 

[Jinty]

If your not ready for anyone find out yet and you are positive that he would tell his family then personally if i was in your position i would keep it quiet. The last thing you want is more stress and no matter how much they will moan about not telling them earlier its your choice. Thats how i would see it anyway of course everyone sees it differently. x

 

[Dezireey]

I think he has a right to know regardless of circumstance. You might be convinced by his attitude now that he will not support you at all but you dont know this for sure? Nothing worse than struggling on your own for 9 months or even longer after baby is born and then finding out the FOB would have been around all along?

At least if you tell him when the timing is right and he has sufficiently calmed down, you will know where you stand and can plan the future for you and your baby. I think if you do decide to tell him and you have broken up and he is ignoring you, then make it clear you dont want him back ( even if you do) you are just informing him of the fact that you are pregnant, this may make him feel less pressured. I would call or text and say you have something extremely important to discuss with him that is not about your relationship.

Ultimately though, you must do whatever you feel is the best decision for you, this is just how I would do it. Good luck hun xx

 

[Terukki]

Hey I understand because I also think I have a bi-polar disorder and I never got help with it because I was so afraid of what people will think but I really need to talk with my doctor about it soon. Besides that don't think you can't do it alone because you can! You never really explain why you and the FOB broke up but if he was emotional or physical abusive keeping it on a down low is a good idea so you can emotionally ready for the struggles that you will face. It's not easy but I feel so much better without the FOB around me making it even harder for me to deal with stress. I do not advise anyone getting back with abusive partner because he could be abusive to the baby. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Roma3]

Well, I told him a few days ago and at first he was quite supportive. Then the next day and since then has been absolutely vile to me saying he cannot stand me and resents me for taking his life from him and that he will pay for the baby once born but wants no part up until then and nothing to do with me.

He has text me daily begging me and blackmailing me into having an abortion but I told him he makes me sick and I don't need him for anything.

I feel strong most of the time but I am still so scared I am in this alone and he has let me down so much. No wonder my Mum detests men so much!! Now I see why!! X

 

[Terukki]

Well, I told him a few days ago and at first he was quite supportive. Then the next day and since then has been absolutely vile to me saying he cannot stand me and resents me for taking his life from him and that he will pay for the baby once born but wants no part up until then and nothing to do with me.

He has text me daily begging me and blackmailing me into having an abortion but I told him he makes me sick and I don't need him for anything.

I feel strong most of the time but I am still so scared I am in this alone and he has let me down so much. No wonder my Mum detests men so much!! Now I see why!! X

not all guys are like that even though its been almost a month now from my breakage with my FOB I found a nice guy who loves kids and treats me nice better than my ex did even though I'm not with this new guy it still nice to find nicer guys than him. Keep your head high and do what you feel is right.

 

[Dezireey]

Well, I told him a few days ago and at first he was quite supportive. Then the next day and since then has been absolutely vile to me saying he cannot stand me and resents me for taking his life from him and that he will pay for the baby once born but wants no part up until then and nothing to do with me.

He has text me daily begging me and blackmailing me into having an abortion but I told him he makes me sick and I don't need him for anything.

I feel strong most of the time but I am still so scared I am in this alone and he has let me down so much. No wonder my Mum detests men so much!! Now I see why!! X

I'm sorry hes behaved like this, it's just typical isn't it? If the shoe were on the other foot and these men had to give birth and us women had to make decisions, everything would be more mature and amicable and in the best interests of the baby. I really have no sympathy for men who behave in this manner, especially ones who see themselves as hard done by, trapped or ' why dont I have a choice' types. They should put a condom on everytime or get their bits operated on if they dont want kids. You dont need him and you certainly dont need his abuse, you can do it on your own, I am and most of us here are. Most of us on this forum see the best option as having our babies with all the love we are going to give them as waaaay better than them having these crappy excuses for fathers in their lives anyway. Keep your spirits up xx

 

[Laura2919]

If it was me then I wouldn't say anything. The stress it might cause might not be good for you hun