ANNOYED! friends reappearing days before due date.

[xemmax]

i've been off work for 10 weeks now and it's really opened my eyes to the depth of the friendships i have with people.

several of my (once considered) "closest" friends have pretty much disappeared from my life since i've been pregnant/left work. this hasn't bothered me for the most part, purely because i don't want to go to the pub and drink soft drinks and i don't expect them to come around and babysit me while i'm stuck indoors so it's inevitable that certain friendships would disappear. i've LOVED being able to just chill out and relax and meet up with people for dinner once a week or so.

so why, now that i am 39 weeks pregnant, do these people start creeping out of the woodwork and asking if i'd like to meet up? i'm due in 5 days and now they want to see me and "the bump". i've had the bump for 20+ weeks now - you never wanted to see it before!! i've had 4 people TODAY asking me whether i would like to meet up - only 1 of them has been a regular figure in my life since i've been pregnant - but all of them i used to consider my closest friends.

it really annoyed me. i've actually enjoyed spending time on my own but there have been times where i've felt totally rejected by certain people who have backed off, because i'd expected them to be much more involved.

the thing that annoys me is that i know it's just the promise of a new baby that attracts them to me, like he is some sort of novelty. feel like telling them to piss off - if they weren't interested in me while i was pregnant, why would i invite them into my life after i've had my little boy?

i know i probably sound totally unreasonable - but argggggggh!

 

[Mumtobe1985]

hey

i think this happens is all cases my friend really wanted to be pregnant but wasnt in a relationship and she resents the fact i fell pregnant so early on in my relationship our little princess wasnt planned but still loved all the same, and my best friend just decided since i couldnt go out clubbing every weekend anymore she wanted nothing more to do with me

now her mum is pregnant she has done nothing but txt me and i have had to ignore her at some points cos she makes me so mad that she wants to be involved now as if we are gonna be baby buddies but i think she forgets this is her mothers baby not hers.

i also told her without sounding nasty that i didnt appreciate being pushed to one side then picked back up again once her "new" friends decided they hate her for teh way she goes on, i think in this situation when they have done that if you considered them friends in the first place they wont mind you politely telling them the truth xx

 

[aob1013]

Totally normal, but seriously annoying. Little friends of mine popped up (or should i say TRIED to pop up) a couple of weeks before i had him and again after he was born. People also tried to add me on Facebook just after he was born (ignored of course). Just let them do their thing - and remember to ignore them

 

[bobloblaw]

I don't think it's unreasonable that you're annoyed, although I do think this is a normal occurrence, sadly.

I think a lot of people who have not been pregnant see the whole baby thing as a novelty. I fully expect the same behaviour from some of my friends. They are all excited about coming to visit at the hospital (totally not going to happen!) but not particularly bothered about doing social stuff with me at the moment.

 

[ttc_lolly]

Same here Emma!!! And it hasn't bothered me either because, like you, I knew it was sort of inevitable but it still hurt sometimes when I found out all my mates were doing something and I hadn't been invited (& a few of these occasions didn't even consist of alcohol/pubs etc, so I could have easily been icluded )!!! And now they are creeping back thing is, I also know if I let them back in they'll son get bored of baby once the ''newborn novelty'' has worn off and then I will be mad!!! So I'm just keeping it as it is and these people at arm's lengths!! Really looking forward to going to mum & baby groups to meet some new people too Don't let them get to you, altho it is annoying!!! xx

 

[Nicollexx]

this has happened to me!
my 'best' friend has bugger all to do with me now but is up my other friends bum who is also pregnant (only 12 weeks) i don't see how this works if i'm honest, i think because she has her own flat and i live with OH's mum ill see what happens when i get my own place (hopefully soon) but i haven't tried with her got more things to worry about then them lot!

 

[I<3paul]

i think this just happens because when youre pregnant you cant go out drinking and they kno you'll be tired. All the time youve been off, youve been reading things about pregnancy and new things have been happening every day in your tum but for your friends theyve just been going to work n getting on with life probly thinhkin oh yeah i need to get in touch soon and it wont have felt like as long for them. Your pregnancy passes quicker for other people even tho it might feel like forever to you.

Now they probly feel bad because it's been a while and they wanna see you before the baby is born. If you havent tried contacting them over this period of time and asking them if they wanna come round or whatever then youve got to forgive them for thinkin you might not be up to doin much xxx

 

[xemmax]

thanks for all the replies girls xx

ipaul i couldn't agree more. i guess it's hard for them to understand because i am the first of us all to have a baby and so none of them quite realise that at 39 weeks i'm hardly in my prime and really not bothered about doing anything. my mum said they are probably feeling really rushed now as they've realised i'm going to pop soon and they now feel they should meet up with me before. just disappointing that they haven't been bothered before now, when other friends have constantly been in touch, not just asking about baby but just maintaining good friendships! xx

 

[babyjiva]

awe hon, don't worry about it so much. I dont' think they wanted nothing to do with you or they wouldn't be getting ahold of you now. I think you're forgetting how long pregnancy is. I mean, we're pregnant for ten months. We certainly can't expect anyone to be totally into our pregnancies for that long right?!? I mean, i have so many wonderful friends but since i've been pregnant i've hardly seen anyone. like you said, people bother less because you just can't go out and do the same things. if i really wanted to get one of them over to sit around while i sit around, i could i'm sure... but i haven't bothered.
anyway, i guess what i'm saying is i know they'll all be phoning around the due date and i think that's sweet. the baby part is the most exciting part, of course this is when they finally get into it. if they didn't care, they wouldn't phone. I hear the novelty thing a lot but babies are everywhere. it's your baby they are excited for!!!