Annoyed with my partner - irrational?

[loeylo]

Just need a place to rant!

We had a friends housewarming party last night, basically it was one of his friends but now I'm really close with his girlfriend too so it was more of a couples thing - 90% of people were there with their partners and I knew all of them really well, so it isn't like I was freewheeling on his night out.

Obviously being pregnant I wasn't drinking, everyone else was except one other guy who I didn't know. So all in all, slightly annoying for the sober ones, especially being pregnant! They also provided no vegetarian food so I couldn't eat which didn't help ... Not their fault as such but they all knew I was veggie and told me there would be food there.

Last week when discussing it I had said to my oh that I would go along and show face (since they are good friends) but I would probably get the train home early if someone would walk me to the station. Last train is at 12am so felt I was being more than reasonable letting my oh stay later than that.

Anyway, yesterday I actually felt a bit better and we agreed that we would both head home around 2am, since it is Father's Day today and we need to go see family. By 20 to 2 I say to him that I'm ready to head soon, he vanishes out the back door for about half an hour then comes back and tries to convince me to stay "for a few hours" then complains that I "look miserable" - by this point I am sitting by myself because everyone is really drunk. Anyway, eventually he makes such a song and dance about not leaving I end up going home myself in a taxi, I get in about 3am and he agrees to be home about an hour later. He ends up leaving his house key in my bag by mistake so I need to get up to let him in, he phones at half 5 this morning!

It's now half 11, he is still in bed an looks in no fit state to go to any of our parents houses. I'll probably need to go to my parents myself on public transport, they will be super pissed at him because they know it will be his fault. He can work something out for his own dad, I ain't dealing with that.

I just feel like he isn't making sacrifices for me or willing to compromise. Also one of his mates was asking about names, we know we are having a girl but we told him what our boys name would have been, we both loved it yet his mate slagge it and my partner just laughed. Sounds stupid but I did end up in the loo crying for like half an hour because I was so pissed off!

 

[aprilwonders]

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that I completely understand how you feel... I don't think you're being irrational, it sounds like exactly the type of thing my husband would do, gets carried away with having a good time, taking the piss a bit, it can get really annoying!!

 

[Tink_]

I don't think you're being irrational. I'd be really upset too because I think it's in the kind of circumstance you want a compromise which you had offered up to be fair! x

 

[loeylo]

Thanks ladies. I ended up going out to my parents (they came to pick me up) and I'm still here. He got up at 3:30 which I find quite ridiculous tbh! Been on the verge of crying pretty much all day, I just feel let down and unsupported. I know that on the whole it isn't a big deal and he was just having fun with his friends, but I guess it just feels like my life has had to change and he can just continue doing as he did before. I phoned him earlier to check he walked the dog and he was really short with me, probably because he is feeling rough but I also think he might be pissed at me for being in a mood with him. If that's the case then he can stay away until he snaps out of it coz I ain't gonna back down, all the girls were telling him to go home with me whereas all the boys were offering me "helpful" suggestions like taking a nap in our friends bed (no thanks, it is half 2 in the morning, I would like my own jammies and my own bed thank you very much!)

He then told me that I should be grateful that he has stayed in with me for the last two weekends. In actual fact, we were away at a hotel the weekend before. We also had a midweek night out at the cinema which we didn't get home from until midnight (his decision) so I was pretty tired.

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

Not irrational at all hun, i find that very selfish!!! Its very tiring being pregnant and i think you were more than generous enough to say 2am!! I wouldn't stay out till 2am!!! And if my fiance hadnt come home with me at 3am i wouldnt have let him in when he got back lol i would be upset too hun and you are within your right to be very annoyed! X

 

[DoubleTFun]

He has no reason to be short with you. You guys had a plan of leaving by 2 and he chose to continue to party. It's one thing if you were feeling up to it and agreed to stay longer, but he should have enough respect for you to recognize that you were tired and it is his job to take care of you. You are carrying his child and should be his first priority!

My husband and I have a rule first we come up with a set time to leave especially since we live almost 2 hours away from any family. When we are at my parents I am the one to bring up leaving and when we are at his families home he brings up leaving. Sometimes we allow ourselves to stay if we are both up to staying up later, but we know each other pretty well and can tell when it's time to go.

 

[LittleBaby311]

Honestly he is extremely lucky to get 2am out of you. If I tell DH it's time to go and he suggests "a few more hours" he's nuts. Maybe an hour is ok but a few when your pregnant is waaaay too much. You're not being irrational. If my DH would've not come home with me, I wouldn't be there when he got home.
I would have a long serious talk with him if I were you and explain why you're upset and you're more important than his buddies right now! He needs to be your caretaker right now.

 

[MrsHopeful]

I think he sounds selfish....2am is late enough. If that was my hubby I wouldn't of got up to let him in at 5am I would of been so mad.

 

[tallybee]

Sounds like he is being a selfish **** tbh hun sorry you're having to deal with this, it's not fair at all - they just have no clue

 

[KAH1990]

This sounds exactly how my partner was with my first pregnancy. He loved a night out and once he got some alcohol in him he could go all night long, he was all or nothing. We had countless arguments about it - because like you, I felt like I was giving so much to this little baby inside and he just wasn't supporting me or at least trying to understand why I would get annoyed when he would roll in at 5am being inconsiderate waking me up and then laying in until the afternoon and completely ruining a day which we had made plans for. If I'm being honest this didn't improve until our DS arrived, and since then he has had a handful of nights out (DS is 20 months old) and that's not because I've said he can't he just prefers staying in or spending family time together. He does still go to the pub on a Friday every now and then, sometimes I'll go but I'll take DS home for bed time and he will follow a few hours after. But he did a 180 when he arrived. No real advice but just wanted to say it did get so much better and he's an amazing dad now and hardly ever has late nights out anymore.