Annoying husband... am I hormonal?

[SaraVO]

Okay first off I'm not sure if it's even fair for me to complain which is why I haven't to anyone in my life but my husband... of DH is irritating the crap out of me and I don't know if I am allowed to even tell him he's annoying.

When we first found out or rather I found out we were expecting. I took a test while he was fishing over night. I had the crazy nerve to tell him the afternoon after he came back. So, that made him mad. But I just wanted a day with my own feelings.

But since then and since because we had gone through miscarriages in the past I asked him to keep this baby to ourselves until my second ultrasound which was two days ago. He didn't and told his boss and a couple guys at work. He said it slipped out but seriously that sounds like an excuse. And then we had to tell his mom because she asked about booking airplane tickets for thanksgiving and we were both worried about her not having time or money to travel twice in one year. She lives in los Angeles we live in Boise. So that was stressful or me.

He has been incredibly judgemental about what I eat. He literally used his fingers as a ruler on my chicken veggie burrito last night and said I only at three inches of it! He very generously informed that he decided I can keep my car because he looked up the safety rating and it's good for kids. So I don't have to get an SUV. I'm five feet tall an SUV! Like I was going to come home from a lunch with my mom to him trading in my car!

I left the day after my second ultrasound and he has told his uncle and his high school buddies with no thought to them posting on Facebook before I could call my dad or my aunts. As in my father would find out about my baby growing in my body from Brian's dirt bike friends on Facebook!

And he even sent pictures of my ultrasound and here is the worst even though he doesn't want to talk seriously about names he has nicknamed our baby ET. As in he thinks it looks like an alien! This made me cry like a lot!

So, what do I do about losing all control and my privacy to my husband? All he says is "my baby too and you said I could tell after Thursday" but I meant with a list of who to call first and orderly.

 

[Gemmaleanne23]

I do think maybe hormones are plying big part if I'm honest Hun but can understand why your upset regards him telling people and Facebook if you'd not told family yet. Perhaps maybe it's a lesson learnt to be clearer in future with him on what you meant. I think from an outside perspective he just seems excited and it's a good thing he wants to let people know, if he were wanting to hide it that would be worse in my opinion. My oh told his mum 2 days after we found out when is specifically asked him to keep it to just us for a week or so so I could get my head round things as it wasn't at all planned and if recently had a miscarriage. I was so upset but looking back I realise there are much worse ways he could of reacted. I don't think it's a case of loosing control though, as realistically it should be a situation you both have control over not just you, maybe he's felt the same way for a while and was really just dying to tell his friends. Now you've had your second scan and know all is well I'd try not to focus on it all, get your lovely news out there and be excited together about it dwelling on the things you can't change now is only going to make things negative.

He's only male at the end of the day, make sure in future your very clear about what you mean, after 7 years with my oh I'm finally realising this is the key to a lot of our problems lol xx

 

[jtink28]

oh, hun, i think hormones are really playing a big part of this. your husband sounds terribly excited about the baby. i know you physically went through the miscarriages, but your DH went through them emotionally, too. he's probably SO excited! him checking the safety rating on your car is sweet - he wants to make sure you guys are safe. and it sounds like he just wants you to eat and be healthy.

you can't assume men will know what you mean - they aren't mind readers. if you told him he could tell after thursday, he took that at face value. did you tell him you wanted an orderly list of people to tell first? if not, he probably had no clue that's what you wanted!

i'd rather my DH be so excited and accidentally tell people about the baby instead of not really caring about it and forgetting to tell his friends. he's so excited that he can't keep it in. it sounds like he loves you very much and the poor guy has no idea what to do. talk to him rationally, but don't accuse him of anything. have a good, open talk and listen to what he has to say, too. yes, you're the pregnant one, but he is the father. and he does get a say.

i hope you feel better soon. seriously, pregnancy hormones are a bitch!

 

[xdxxtx]

I would be annoyed, too, if I may be honest. You now know to be way more specific with him, though. Like when it comes to finding out the sex, if you choose, you'll know to have him wait until you get to share the news with FAMILY, then you can all tell friends, etc.

He does sound very excited. He had confidence in the pregnancy and told some people he sees every day. I understand that. My partner tells work mates before we tell my in laws or friends every time because they are around each other most of the day, every day. It is a big deal, and we should all have some people we can share the news with, even if we are scared it won't work out. They're there to support us should something go wrong, too.

My partner does annoying things all the time. We have great communication. I am "allowed" to say how I feel. We have "safe" discussions where we get to say everything that is on our minds, without being defensive or being mean about it, and the other person isn't allowed to get angry or upset. It works for us because we get to let it out without being hurtful and without getting our partner mad at us. It brings us closer, actually. We are able to work on our issues openly and honestly instead of creating resentment and having to hold in our feelings. Perhaps that might be an option for you? If not, sometimes, writing down my feelings however angrily or hurt fully I'd like, makes me feel better. I put the letter in the shredder after, and nobody ever has to know I felt that way.

 

[SaraVO]

Okay his friends all have kids and he has spent years listening and watching their kids grow. We're both in our thirties and even though I know he was okay with it just being the two of us he is excited he's getting things together to build me a cradle and has been talking about it for a month. I think after I passed the last miscarriage date he started to really get excited and I have been trying to keep both of our expectations low just in case. So, he was waiting for me... very patiently it wasn't fair that I not want him to tell his best friends. It's a bit of a man thing. I get that. I've just never had him try to take so much control over me. He's a chef. He Google's stuff, it makes sense that food is a big deal for him. I did say we will make plans to tell family after Thursday and he got home from work I went to bed, woke up and went to work. He just got excited. I'm having a hard time making the adjustment and the responsibility of creating a person seems really huge! Like what if I do something bad and hurt us and how would he feel? What if I have to go on bed rest? What if he is premature? What if he is a she and Brian's dad is upset? What if I fail at breastfeeding? There are a lot of what ifs to work through in my head. And he is just rolling right along with cradles and congratulations and assuming I'm going to be fine. Like all he has to do is make sure I eat oatmeal for breakfast and have veggies for dinner and sleep and everything will be great.

 

[jtink28]

honestly, it's SO FANTASTIC that he's not the same as you. you know why? if there were two of you stressing out all of the time, wondering if this was going to last, you would both be a mess. my DH is definitely more positive than i am - i had a miscarriage in january and we got pregnant again in july. i was a mess; i still am. but if my DH was stressing out as much as i was, our marriage would be in shambles. this is hard to say, and hard to hear, but it's true - you stressing out about things like breastfeeding, boy vs. girl, bed rest, etc. will NOT change what is going to happen. worry and stress won't get you a healthier, easier pregnancy - it can actually do the opposite. try and relax. i know it's so so so hard, i've been there.

 

[SaraVO]

honestly, it's SO FANTASTIC that he's not the same as you. you know why? if there were two of you stressing out all of the time, wondering if this was going to last, you would both be a mess. my DH is definitely more positive than i am - i had a miscarriage in january and we got pregnant again in july. i was a mess; i still am. but if my DH was stressing out as much as i was, our marriage would be in shambles. this is hard to say, and hard to hear, but it's true - you stressing out about things like breastfeeding, boy vs. girl, bed rest, etc. will NOT change what is going to happen. worry and stress won't get you a healthier, easier pregnancy - it can actually do the opposite. try and relax. i know it's so so so hard, i've been there.

Thank you. I know he is an optimist. I love that he gets a little disappointed every time he doesn't win the lottery I bring out the ultrasound pictures to calm me down when I get nervous. Kinda wish I could have a video to watch.. do they do that? I put them side by side to see the growth and then things are okay. It's been a routine for me since the first one. I love how happy he is. I just can't help but think that we've been here before and it's such a long way to fall. But the more time goes by the better I'm going to feel I think when I start looking pregnant I'll relax a bit.

He just thinks since we're so far past the other three that were going to be okay but there wasn't an explanation before and there were heartbeats and morning sickness. This has felt different from the beginning but I'm not sure if it's because we are done trying after this regardless I don't ever want to be pregnant again. Or if it's because it really is different but I know it's easier for him. It's not his body that has betrayed you. It's mine.

I do dream of a healthy baby born just perfect and I never did before so that is something and my doctor says we are good but I'm still wanting to be quiet.

 

[jtink28]

I'm not sure about where you live, but you can pay for a private ultrasound at some elective places and you can buy a DVD as part of the package. They're really neat - I did that with my first DS

 

[Nerdy]

Definitely hormones, love. Your DH sounds like a very excited and protective father - you could definitely be dealt a worse hand than the annoying overly nesty/broody husband

And if it makes you feel any better, my hubby nicknamed our baby Groot after the tree guy in Guardians of the Galaxy.

 

[lozzy21]

Doesn't matter if it's hormones or not, you still feel that way. As for the posting on Facebook before you told family I think I'd have ripped his testicles off!

From about 5 to 13 weeks any form of physical affection made me want to punch my husband. The annoyance it caused was that intense. It was all because of hormones but it didn't stop me from asking him not to hug me much and getting annoyed when he did.

 

[Misscalais]

I think your hubby sounds very sweet. Hes so excited about your baby and is concerned with yours and babies welfare. He just seems to be an excited dad to be.
My husband doesn't even want our baby, probably can't even remember my due date. Hasn't told a single person and im 17 weeks. I can understand that hes probably being a bit annoying though

 

[Hotbell312]

It sounds like hormones. He seems very excited about his baby!! MyDH is too in his own way and I always would think how sad I would be if he didn't have that interest.

 

[SaraVO]

I think your hubby sounds very sweet. Hes so excited about your baby and is concerned with yours and babies welfare. He just seems to be an excited dad to be.
My husband doesn't even want our baby, probably can't even remember my due date. Hasn't told a single person and im 17 weeks. I can understand that hes probably being a bit annoying though

I'm sorry that sounds difficult maybe he needs a little more time? Sometimes things take a little longer for men. It's scary my husband has his worries and concerns too. But we both know we're going to figure everything out and make it work.

 

[Misscalais]

I'm sorry that sounds difficult maybe he needs a little more time? Sometimes things take a little longer for men. It's scary my husband has his worries and concerns too. But we both know we're going to figure everything out and make it work.

Thanks, yeah hes having a tough time because we were finished having kids and this one was very un planned. We only have a 2 bedroom home and 5 seater car. Just been told we can't get a new home loan so we are in a big pickle at the moment. Hes just feeling a lot of financial pressure. I know he will love baby when its here but right now hes making my pregnancy very hard.

 

[SaraVO]

I'm sorry that sounds difficult maybe he needs a little more time? Sometimes things take a little longer for men. It's scary my husband has his worries and concerns too. But we both know we're going to figure everything out and make it work.

Thanks, yeah hes having a tough time because we were finished having kids and this one was very un planned. We only have a 2 bedroom home and 5 seater car. Just been told we can't get a new home loan so we are in a big pickle at the moment. Hes just feeling a lot of financial pressure. I know he will love baby when its here but right now hes making my pregnancy very hard.

My husband is worried about money too. About what happens if he is the only one working for an extent of time and how expensive kids are. We also live in really bad public school system and the idea of needing to pay for private school is scary. He hates the idea of daycare but knows I have to work. It goes on and on but I just say we will tackle each issue when it comes up. I'm not worried about money not really. I just think we will adjust and make it work. But my husband wants savings and security and although that would be great. We will be fine.

 

[minties]

It's his baby too, be pleased he's excited. You seem a bit controlling?

 

[SaraVO]

It's his baby too, be pleased he's excited. You seem a bit controlling?

That is such a polite understatement yep, I am. I actually asked the doctor to change my due date because the number 13 freaks me out. She laughed and said that ship has sailed. I keep it pretty quiet and sound off to my one best friend and anonymous forums. I have not complained to my husband. Because I can identify my feelings as unfair. But if I could call this whole pregnancy my way I would be a kid at Disney world.

 

[Misscalais]

My husband is worried about money too. About what happens if he is the only one working for an extent of time and how expensive kids are. We also live in really bad public school system and the idea of needing to pay for private school is scary. He hates the idea of daycare but knows I have to work. It goes on and on but I just say we will tackle each issue when it comes up. I'm not worried about money not really. I just think we will adjust and make it work. But my husband wants savings and security and although that would be great. We will be fine.

Yeah its tough hey. At least they are being realistic i guess. Good news for me he actually told two of his friends on the weekend. Im not exactly sure what he said if it was a happy moment or more of a im doomed im having another kid moment. D: but he still told someone so im happy about that lol

 

[Misscalais]

That is such a polite understatement yep, I am. I actually asked the doctor to change my due date because the number 13 freaks me out. She laughed and said that ship has sailed. I keep it pretty quiet and sound off to my one best friend and anonymous forums. I have not complained to my husband. Because I can identify my feelings as unfair. But if I could call this whole pregnancy my way I would be a kid at Disney world.

least you're honest

 

[SaraVO]

My husband is worried about money too. About what happens if he is the only one working for an extent of time and how expensive kids are. We also live in really bad public school system and the idea of needing to pay for private school is scary. He hates the idea of daycare but knows I have to work. It goes on and on but I just say we will tackle each issue when it comes up. I'm not worried about money not really. I just think we will adjust and make it work. But my husband wants savings and security and although that would be great. We will be fine.

Yeah its tough hey. At least they are being realistic i guess. Good news for me he actually told two of his friends on the weekend. Im not exactly sure what he said if it was a happy moment or more of a im doomed im having another kid moment. D: but he still told someone so im happy about that lol

He had a back and forth text conversation with his best friend. He has three kids one fourteen year old girl one eight year old boy and a six month old boy. From what I can gather he is more afraid of a girl now, he wants a copy of what to expect, and he has started to relax a bit. He also is curious about when the pregnancy hormones will make me extra.... interested in him. Thanks Matt and to think I was happy when he was the best man.

I'm glad you're husband is starting to come around and heck if he had a freak out rant it's better out than in. Besides I have had a couple myself. I'm sure we all have. My husband is currently thinking that he wants the birth 1950s style as in him across the street having beers. He says seeing me in pain or cut open is going to be too much. I'm letting that one go for now... his mom is coming for thanksgiving and I'll have her on my side that idea won't make it to dessert...