A
AppleBlossom
Guest
Instead of hijacking the other thread.. lol
FOB started a job at Barclays in Sept 2008. He said to me that he was training for manager or assistant manager or something. The training would be a year and he would be on £24,000 PA before tax. He said after the years training he went up to £30,000 PA before tax. Now I'm not great at maths but that means his training would have finished in Sept 2009 and it is almost Sept 2010. I am grateful that he gives me some money. I know a lot of women don't even see that. But I do struggle most months and I would rather I was getting the money I need from HIS pocket rather than the taxpayers. About Oct 09 I questioned him about his wages and he told me they didn't go up and they weren't going to and he didn't know where I'd got the idea from. So I asked him how much he did get and he refused to tell me. There's no way he has been training for almost 2 years. He told me the job outlines himself. He wouldn't go through CSA in the first place. He said he would work out how much he should give me on the CSA calculator and then he would pay it direct to me. He also refused to sign a private payment form that the CSA sent me so that if he ever didn't pay me, I had proof that he should be.
I worked out how much he should be giving me if he was on £30,000 a year, after taking away tax, NI payments etc and it is a hell of a lot more than I get now. The only thing is, at the minute, I am at loggerheads with him over contact as he wants to have her overnight every weekend. I have said no. I tried to compromise by saying he could do it gradually rather than just making her up sticks and stay in a strange house every weekend all of a sudden but he refused and wanted it all there and then. I have been through two solicitors and both have said that in the current circumstances including Grace's age, the nature of how/why he left, just everything combined, I am right to refuse it and any court would take my side, or, in the near future, would allow him gradual overnight contact but not just letting him dive right in.
So I'm worried that if I get onto CSA about the money, he will say, if I'm wanting more money then he should have more contact. Which would completely compromise what I'm fighting for at the minute. On the one hand, that money would come in so useful. In comparison to what I have to pay to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, never mind buying Grace clothes and shoes that she quickly grows out of, he gives me very little. And if he is on £30,000 a year and only giving me this much plus not having to buy anything for Grace, feed her, clothe her etc then I just think it's really unfair. Why should Grace go without because her dad is a dick? But on the other hand, I have been fighting this contact thing for well over a year, it's not in Grace's interest and that's what comes first.
I don't have his new address or work address. I have his name, his mobile number and I know his mum's address. He currently sees her alternate days at the weekend. Sat one week, sun the next etc. I used to let him take her extra days for say, his birthday or something. But I recently made a deal with him that he had to bath her and have her ready for bed every weekend when he brought her home and the minute he started making excuses all those extra days were gone, no questions asked. He did it for about three weeks and has made up excuses why he can't do it since so unbeknown to him, next time he asks for an extra day he can do one.
Anyway, I don't know what to do for the best? I'm meant to be ringing up a mediator this week as he has been to see one and they have asked me to go and speak to them (although I don't have to) because he has to take this step before he can take me to court. So, do I contact CSA now, see what I should be getting and run the risk of compromising the fight I'm in at the minute? Or struggle on what we have now while the legal things are going on and then after, when they tell him he can't have his own way THEN go to CSA?
Sorry that turned out to be pretty long lol
FOB started a job at Barclays in Sept 2008. He said to me that he was training for manager or assistant manager or something. The training would be a year and he would be on £24,000 PA before tax. He said after the years training he went up to £30,000 PA before tax. Now I'm not great at maths but that means his training would have finished in Sept 2009 and it is almost Sept 2010. I am grateful that he gives me some money. I know a lot of women don't even see that. But I do struggle most months and I would rather I was getting the money I need from HIS pocket rather than the taxpayers. About Oct 09 I questioned him about his wages and he told me they didn't go up and they weren't going to and he didn't know where I'd got the idea from. So I asked him how much he did get and he refused to tell me. There's no way he has been training for almost 2 years. He told me the job outlines himself. He wouldn't go through CSA in the first place. He said he would work out how much he should give me on the CSA calculator and then he would pay it direct to me. He also refused to sign a private payment form that the CSA sent me so that if he ever didn't pay me, I had proof that he should be.
I worked out how much he should be giving me if he was on £30,000 a year, after taking away tax, NI payments etc and it is a hell of a lot more than I get now. The only thing is, at the minute, I am at loggerheads with him over contact as he wants to have her overnight every weekend. I have said no. I tried to compromise by saying he could do it gradually rather than just making her up sticks and stay in a strange house every weekend all of a sudden but he refused and wanted it all there and then. I have been through two solicitors and both have said that in the current circumstances including Grace's age, the nature of how/why he left, just everything combined, I am right to refuse it and any court would take my side, or, in the near future, would allow him gradual overnight contact but not just letting him dive right in.
So I'm worried that if I get onto CSA about the money, he will say, if I'm wanting more money then he should have more contact. Which would completely compromise what I'm fighting for at the minute. On the one hand, that money would come in so useful. In comparison to what I have to pay to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, never mind buying Grace clothes and shoes that she quickly grows out of, he gives me very little. And if he is on £30,000 a year and only giving me this much plus not having to buy anything for Grace, feed her, clothe her etc then I just think it's really unfair. Why should Grace go without because her dad is a dick? But on the other hand, I have been fighting this contact thing for well over a year, it's not in Grace's interest and that's what comes first.
I don't have his new address or work address. I have his name, his mobile number and I know his mum's address. He currently sees her alternate days at the weekend. Sat one week, sun the next etc. I used to let him take her extra days for say, his birthday or something. But I recently made a deal with him that he had to bath her and have her ready for bed every weekend when he brought her home and the minute he started making excuses all those extra days were gone, no questions asked. He did it for about three weeks and has made up excuses why he can't do it since so unbeknown to him, next time he asks for an extra day he can do one.
Anyway, I don't know what to do for the best? I'm meant to be ringing up a mediator this week as he has been to see one and they have asked me to go and speak to them (although I don't have to) because he has to take this step before he can take me to court. So, do I contact CSA now, see what I should be getting and run the risk of compromising the fight I'm in at the minute? Or struggle on what we have now while the legal things are going on and then after, when they tell him he can't have his own way THEN go to CSA?
Sorry that turned out to be pretty long lol
So, see if you can get that and then take it to the CSA ... they will then approach him, and his employers, to find out what his salary actually is and will work it out from there. Unfortunately he will know that you have done it - but, as I say, that won't have any bearing on his access case 
