Another one bites the (Baby) Dust

[Goods]

Well I met up with 2 ex colleagues today. We all worked at the same place and after redundancies moved to a new office together as well, which is how we became close.

During that time, they were both trying while I was left out but going through broodiness HELL as my OH was having none of it.

They both had tough times (one struggled to conceive for over a year, then the other lost her first due to a birth defect) but they both received their first BFPs within 2 weeks of each other. Although genuinely happy for them given what they had been through, there was a certain element of me having to put on a brave face.

Anyway today, one has an 18 month old, the other a 9 month old. The one with the 9 month old (who is also the one who lost her first) is preg again and she hasn't even returned to work from maternity leave yet!

I have to say, compared to when they both got their first BFPs, I wasn't in least bit jealous, especially given what she's been through, probably because we haven't actually TTC yet until AF shows her ugly face.

There is a part of me that's a bit miffed yes, but mostly I'm angry at my Hubby for making me wait! For DH, it always comes down to money, he can be so selfish sometimes, we're FAR more financially secure than they are and they're both younger than me and are having another one!


Anyway, rant over! They're a lovely couple and I'm glad to have them in my life, I suppose today I just felt a bit awkward as I don't really have any anything to contribute to the conversation when we meet with the kids in tow. And god bless them today, they didn't ask anything about my situation since they knew about my DH view on the matter (although I wish they had so I could talk to someone about it).

On the plus side though, I've noticed a couple of pimples on my face, I'll take that as a sign that at least some hormones are raging in my body somewhere so hopefully AF shows up soon.

Sorry for long post

 

[LJ88]

Know the feeling. It's really hard sometimes. Are you planning to start trying soon? Hopefully you'll feel better when you're actually trying?
I had to sit through my cousin decide if she wanted to keep her latest pregnancy (she fell pregnant after just 1 missed pill!)
She decided she wasn't ready for her second and terminated it. Really difficult to support her given my situation.
Laura x

 

[Goods]

Know the feeling. It's really hard sometimes. Are you planning to start trying soon? Hopefully you'll feel better when you're actually trying?
I had to sit through my cousin decide if she wanted to keep her latest pregnancy (she fell pregnant after just 1 missed pill!)
She decided she wasn't ready for her second and terminated it. Really difficult to support her given my situation.
Laura x

I'm just waiting on my AF to show after coming of BC around 4/5 weeks ago. Still nothing and 2 BFN so I know it isn't that.

How many times I've forgotten an pill and never had that problem.

Ah well, it will be us soon

 

[LJ88]

I hope so! Everybody i know but me seems to be pregnant at the moment! Lol

Aw how exciting! Bet you can wait to start trying after waiting so long! Good luck! Hope it happens quickly for you x

 

[Enduringplum]

...but mostly I'm angry at my Hubby for making me wait! For DH, it always comes down to money, he can be so selfish sometimes, we're FAR more financially secure than they are and they're both younger than me and are having another one!

I feel your frustration on this one! I hope he comes around to your way of thinking soon, because I know how deeply resentful that waiting made me; hopefully you're able to deal with it with a more positive attitude, but no one would blame you if you aren't.

I finally convinced my ex-husband that there was probably never going to be a time when we were perfectly financially secure, because there are hurricanes, lay-offs, illnesses, and all manner of other potential financial setbacks that can crop up out of the blue, so after we lost our home in Hurricane Katrina we finally went through with infertility treatments. I think we probably would have waited another two to four years if we hadn't gone through that disaster together, but that experience really opened our eyes to the illusion of “security.”

 

[Goods]

...but mostly I'm angry at my Hubby for making me wait! For DH, it always comes down to money, he can be so selfish sometimes, we're FAR more financially secure than they are and they're both younger than me and are having another one!

I feel your frustration on this one! I hope he comes around to your way of thinking soon, because I know how deeply resentful that waiting made me; hopefully you're able to deal with it with a more positive attitude, but no one would blame you if you aren't.

I finally convinced my ex-husband that there was probably never going to be a time when we were perfectly financially secure, because there are hurricanes, lay-offs, illnesses, and all manner of other potential financial setbacks that can crop up out of the blue, so after we lost our home in Hurricane Katrina we finally went through with infertility treatments. I think we probably would have waited another two to four years if we hadn't gone through that disaster together, but that experience really opened our eyes to the illusion of “security.”

He has in a way, he's on board with no longer taking BC but I'm still a bit concerned about finances. I'm now self-employed so won't be entitled to much and obviously chasing in new business will take a back seat. At the moment we share all the bills 50/50 and I'm concerned he will still expect to do that if & when LO arrives.

I've told him I can't do it all and will expect him to step up but we haven't had a frank conversation about it, mainly because I don't want him to change his mind about TTC. I hoping once LO comes along he will do the right thing and provide for his family in the short term. I would never quit work totally, I enjoy it too much and have spent too many years studying to do that.

Thanks for listening.

Forgot to ask, how did your fertility treatment go? I see you're TTC.

 

[Enduringplum]

Oh, thanks for asking.

My fertility treatments with my first husband went amazingly well and we were fortunate enough to conceive on my first round of injectables + IUI. My daughter is now five years old.

My current partner and I are TTC without resorting to fertility drugs just yet and I'm currently ovulating without them, so we're hopeful. I'm in a 2WW right now.

It's a very touchy subject to discuss, isn't it? An issue I had again and again with my ex was that he did not believe that doing 90% of the babycare, cleaning, and cooking constituted real work and therefore never felt like I was pulling my weight. There were other issues, as well, but that particular one often made me feel like I was being viewed as less-than by him, which was extremely hurtful.

It's also extremely difficult to consider sacrificing your career or even a portion of your career to devote to child-rearing and yet we're also expected to be supermoms, not to mention the mommy guilt we have to cope with when we do decide to go to school and work.

Like you, I've spent too much time on school and honing my skills to be a full time stay-at-home-mom and I need the outside interaction. I envy the full time SAHMs I know for whom it really works and who seem truly fulfilled and I hope they don't feel guilty for not working outside of the home.

In a perfect world I think I would work one week, then stay home full time the next, alternating Stay-at-Home duties with my boyfriend so that our kids could always have one totally devoted parent. Unfortunately that's not realistic. At all.

It's a really complicated, emotional subject and I hope y'all can work it out.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

The worst bit is when you put it off for a year and then it takes over a year to conceive....and you think "if I would've just started when I wanted to we could be there by now, or at least closer than we are at the moment!"

 

[Goods]

Oh, thanks for asking.

My fertility treatments with my first husband went amazingly well and we were fortunate enough to conceive on my first round of injectables + IUI. My daughter is now five years old.

My current partner and I are TTC without resorting to fertility drugs just yet and I'm currently ovulating without them, so we're hopeful. I'm in a 2WW right now.

It's a very touchy subject to discuss, isn't it? An issue I had again and again with my ex was that he did not believe that doing 90% of the babycare, cleaning, and cooking constituted real work and therefore never felt like I was pulling my weight. There were other issues, as well, but that particular one often made me feel like I was being viewed as less-than by him, which was extremely hurtful.

It's also extremely difficult to consider sacrificing your career or even a portion of your career to devote to child-rearing and yet we're also expected to be supermoms, not to mention the mommy guilt we have to cope with when we do decide to go to school and work.

Like you, I've spent too much time on school and honing my skills to be a full time stay-at-home-mom and I need the outside interaction. I envy the full time SAHMs I know for whom it really works and who seem truly fulfilled and I hope they don't feel guilty for not working outside of the home.

In a perfect world I think I would work one week, then stay home full time the next, alternating Stay-at-Home duties with my boyfriend so that our kids could always have one totally devoted parent. Unfortunately that's not realistic. At all.

It's a really complicated, emotional subject and I hope y'all can work it out.

OMG, it's like I'm now married to your ex! haha.

Glad to hear the fertility treatment went well, gives hopes to so many. And off course good luck with the TWW. When are you testing? I shall be keeping an eye out