Anxiety and fighting with dh

[BlushingBride]

Hey. So a bit of a back story. My dh and I have been together for almost ten years. We don't have a history of fighting and had a great marriage. Once we got pregnant (which was planned) with our first we started fighting horribly. I started to get bad anxiety from feeling lonely and it snowballed throughout my entire pregnancy. I actually left him a few times and it was really difficult to go through. Fast forward to now and we are back in a better spot. I went to therapy to get myself back to where I was before having my first and our relationship has been great. We both felt confident that we could do this again successfully and not make the same mistakes. Well now I am 5 weeks pregnant and it's starting all over again. DH flipped out last night over something breaking and threw such a fit that rose my anxiety and then we went at it. I then had my first panic attack of the pregnancy, couldn't sleep last night, and have been anxious all morning at the thought that I could have harmed the baby and that we will be on the same path we were last time.

I guess the only thing that I want to know about it how severe fighting/panic attacks will affect a pregnancy in the first trimester. I can't move past what happened last night because the fear of hurting the baby won't go away.

 

[kiwilove]

Hey, I am sorry you had to deal with that.
I have no experience with panic attacks so I cant offer any advice on if it could harm your baby or not. I do believe you are fine, we go through so many emotions in the beginning.
With the fighting, I can relate. I didnt understand it at the time. Me and DH tried for three years to conceive this one, with one loss. I thought once we found out we would be so excited and happy and have no negative feelings about it, but I was wrong. No matter how long a couple tries for, once you see those two lines you cant help but be a little scared...your life is going to change forever! Me and DH had three massive fights in first trimester, which is not normal for us. We have been together almost 11 years and we get along well. I think we were both just scared and unsure of what was to come, that may have had something to do with the fighting. We havent fought since first trimester.
I hope it gets better for you

 

[justplay91]

Sorry to hear you're so stressed. Pregnancy is an extremely stressful time. Fortunately, stress has never been proven to cause any problems. My first pregnancy was a surprise and my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I were less than prepared. We spent a lot of the early part (and some of a the later parts) of the pregnancy yelling and screaming at each other. Real, nasty panic-attack inducing fights. Baby boy was born just fine. Obviously it isn't ideal because it can raise your blood pressure and isn't healthy for you all-around, but you don't have to worry about it causing harm to your embryo or fetus. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you.

 

[lewood88]

Hey hun me and OH argue all the time ive learnt over the years to shut off from it infact when OH is having one of his moments i blank him out completely, i suffer with anxiety and depression and ive learnt to walk away from the situation untill it calms down, with dd2 i was an emotional wreck tbf i never wanted OH to leave me alone, and when she was born i suffered post natal depression which was horrible

Im staying positive this time round i dont want to be like i did with dd2

Baby will be fine hun but you gotta think about yourself and your own health u got to try and stay calm if oh starts walk away from it x

 

[cutestuff]

You are really lucky if arguing is not typical for your marriage. I have been with my husband for 12 years in June and we have always had our ups and downs and we typically have at least one good fight per month (usually right around when I would have af). We went at it pretty good last night too simply because I am getting nervous we wont be able to provide for our baby and I feel I will be judged by our family and friends for the situation we are bringing our baby into. That said I think fighting is healthy because it helps get your emotions out without anyone bottling them up which makes the emotionally charged fights that much worse because the things said have been building for a while. I would try not to stress yourself out more cause that wont do anything for you.....Maybe in a day or two when things calm down, talk to him about your fears and try to find a way to work through it together, but its good for kids to see people working through their differences cause it will help them work through theirs...

 

[BlushingBride]

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. I've just been having an awful couple of days and I'm more upset than usual because the incident last night triggered anxiety that I thought I had control over :/. My stress wasn't until much later in my first pregnancy so I have been a wreck thinking this will cause a miscarriage of some sort.

 

[SweetPea3200]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this Fighting is totally normal, but the panic attacks are definitely more rare. I get them sometimes for no apparent reason and for me it's just mind over matter (easier said than done, I know!) and I just remind myself that even if my fears and stress are real, they are intensely magnified by my hormones at the moment.

I think you would definitely feel better sitting down with your husband and just letting him know that you are definitely more on edge and panicking than normal and you really don't want it to affect your relationship. If he can work hard to react calmly or at least give you space when you're having a hard time, it would probably help a lot! DH and I snap at each other on a regular basis but we always apologize a little while later. Definitely take the initiative to apologize when you know you're being unreasonable and I bet he will start doing the same!

If you feel like you're panic attacks are getting out of hand, please see your doctor sooner rather than later, they can help!