Any advice on getting 8month old to take dummy

[ljo1984]

I know some don't agree on dummies but I'm due back to work in September and as a nurse I do nights also. LO is 8 months old and for the life of me she won't take a dummy, problem is she wakes in night still and bf for comfort during this time. Same with my eldest toe but they took dummies so was easy for hubby to get them to sleep/settle if wake in night. This time I'm just stressed worrying about what's gonna happen during night when I'm not there. She won't take a dummy, ebm in a bottle, hardly will take a cup of any sort and just chews on dummies. If she's asleep already and I put one in she'll suck it but any other time, no chance. I've tried several styles and brands in a hope one will click and nothing. So just after any tips or anyone with similar experience.

 

[Zeri]

If she wasn't really sucking on a dummy before, it might be difficult to get her to take it now. Does she have teeth? My son is 8 months and lost interest in his pacifier after he got his first teeth at 6 months. My daughter was the same. It's natural for a lot of babies to outgrow their dummies as they get older, so I'm not sure if trying to get her to take it now at 8 months might be the best idea.

I understand your concern, though, with going back to work at nights. If your baby is waking just for comfort, though, and if she's getting good meals during the day, she probably doesn't need to wake that often at night. If you go to her everytime she wakes, that will reinforce her habit of waking to comfort-suck.

At 8 months, she can start learning to sleep through the night, really, with just 1-2 feedings at most. If I were you, I would probably start weaning her from those comfort feedings now. You can find info on sleep-training etc online - there are different methods depending on what's comfortable for you.

 

[AK89]

I wouldn't sleep train... I've done a LOT of reading on it over the last few months and I'm dead against it. I've read a lot of articles/studies about how sleep training is more often than not only effective on a short-term basis - if at all - and it can have detrimental effects on the baby. A study done in 2012 showed that the cortisol levels in the baby remained elevated after they had stopped crying - so basically the baby is still just as distressed, they've just learnt that nobody comes so there's no point in crying.

https://www.peacefulparent.com/sleep-training-research-highlights-the-myth-of-self-soothing/

Babies are meant to wake frequently; it's how they're built. They are physically incapable of self-soothing, so trying to 'train' them to do so is futile! Some people are lucky and get babies who don't need as much parental input as others to get to sleep. This is not synonymous with 'self-soothing'. The part of the brain required to self-soothe is not yet developed in infants. Again, many people believe they've taught their babies to self-soothe - this just isn't true! They've simply taught their babies that they won't (always) respond to their stress signals.
Here's a good quote I read on it.. "Through sleep training you can condition a baby not to cry out for attention and go to sleep without parental input fairly easily, but this behavior is not indicative of a baby who is calm, soothed or settled."

I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations of babies and their sleeping habits, and it's based on what they're told, usually by healthcare professionals! Over 60% of parents believe their child has a sleep problem...so surely this isn't actually the exception to the rule, and it's just normal behavior for babies?? People are told their baby should be sleeping through by however old, they no longer need night feeds by whatever age.. it's just not true. Night wakings are so much more common than you would ever be led to believe. I'll put some links to some interesting articles at the bottom here in case you're interested..

Sorry, I don't want to seem like I'm getting on my high horse, and I certainly don't mean to pass judgment on anyone else, I just hate the idea of people turning to sleep training because they think it's a natural step in the process. It isn't! Babies wake through the night and need comfort/milk.

I know this isn't what you want to read when you're asking for advice on getting your baby to sleep when you go back to work though! All I can say is your OH will probably find his own way of comforting her and getting her to sleep. Obviously it'll be completely different to you being there and nursing her to sleep, but it'll all fall into place.. There might be a few rocky nights, but so long as your OH is there to comfort her she'll be fine.

I wouldn't bother too much with the dummy... my DD is the same. She's never really been bothered about them until she's pretty much asleep anyway, and even then she can easily do without. It might be that she takes a dummy when you're not there? Or even a bottle? Do you use white noise? And does she have a "lovey" type thing?? Like a favourite blanket or something? If not you could try and introduce one. Carry it around with you for a while so it smells like you, have it with you while you're nursing so she associates it with that comfortable, familiar feeling. I've heard of people having a lot of success with this.

I feel your pain as I just went back to work last week and my DD won't take a bottle either. OH has tried her a few times with it and she's outright refused it. I've only been doing short shifts so far but I've got an 8 hour one on Saturday and OH is in work so it'll be my mum looking after her, so I'm just hoping she succumbs to it and has the bottle or she'll go all day without any milk!

Anyway, you're doing amazing, carry on and everything will work itself out!!


https://www.pinkymckay.com/when-baby-sleep-training-goes-wrong-the-risks-of-controlled-crying/

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/05/14/ten-reasons-to-not-sleep-train-your-baby/

https://evolutionaryparenting.com/educating-the-experts-lesson-six-the-newborn-sleep-problem/

 

[ljo1984]

Thank you, I'm not going down sleep trying route, I hate the idea of it also, all my babies were night wakers only difference being they had dummies so would settle very easily if there was no boob there for them. I'm sent my boss a message to ask if she's still like this in sept if there's any way of not doing nights until she settles easier, still waiting for a reply. I think through the day she won't be as bad it's the nights I'm dreading. Oh gets stressed easily, almost like he takes it personally that she won't settle for him, then him getting stressed I only gonna make her worse no doubt she doesn't have a comfort toy, none of mine have, again this would be easier to have something she loves with her! As a last resort I'm hoping everything just clicks into place just before going back! Like magic :-/

 

[AK89]

Aww maybe it will! A lot can change in that amount of time Otherwise hopefully your boss will comply. She/he does have to be flexible with you as I'm sure you already know!

Good luck

 

[ljo1984]

My boss got in contact. I need to fill out a flexible working form and will be reviewed after I've been back 3 months so at least that's an extra 3 months to work on it too, she'll be 15 months by then. Def a weight lifted anyway.

 

[Cattia]

Just a thought - have you tried breastflow bottles? They were the only ones my older two BF would take as babies.

 

[Linnypops]

I've known of babies like this (and my own dd was the same) - they often won't take a dummy for sleep until the breast is not an option. So hopefully your husband will manage to get her to take one when you're not there? it might take a couple of nights but hopefully should work! Good luck anyway.

 

[Linnypops]

RE: sleep training. CIO is not the only method. There are many - including gradual retreat and shh pat to name but a few where you remain present and able to comfort your child when needed, they're much gentler. Whether you decide to have some specific approach or not i'd definitely recommend you try weaning gradually from feeds first, even if they seem minimal at night. I tried going cold turkey on the one small feed my dd had at 7 mo....I will never forget that night! After 30 mins of screaming in my arms she was too enraged to feed when i actually gave in to feed her! I then weaned gradually over a week and she stopped waking on her own.

NB: The study cited did not show raised cortisol levels it showed the levels did not decrease. And there was no control group so no babies to compare these cortisol levels to. Sorry, i'm a natural born pedant

 

[AK89]

RE: sleep training. CIO is not the only method. There are many - including gradual retreat and shh pat to name but a few where you remain present and able to comfort your child when needed, they're much gentler. Whether you decide to have some specific approach or not i'd definitely recommend you try weaning from feeds first, even if they seem minimal at night. I tried going cold turkey on the one small feed my dd had at 7 mo....I will never forget that night! After 30 mins of screaming in my arms she was too enraged to feed when i actually gave in to feed her! I then weaned gradually over a week and she stopped waking on her own.

NB: The study cited did not show raised cortisol levels it showed the levels did not decrease. And there was no control group so no babies to compare these cortisol levels to. Sorry, i'm a natural born pedant

The study showed that the babies' cortisol levels remained elevated, as in higher than normal, after they had stopped crying, thus the baby isn't actually calm, he/she is just no longer signalling distress, which is deeply disturbing to me

CIO may not be the only method of sleep training but all methods require some amount of crying and whether you're downstairs watching the telly, 6ft away from the cot or standing there rocking/shushing/patting your LO they're still gonna be experiencing distress.

Anyway, I don't wanna spark a huge sleep training debate, it's just something I feel strongly about and I hate the idea of people just ambling down the sleep training route 'cause they think that's the next step and aren't aware of the detrimental effects it can have. I know there's no danger of that with pp as she's already said she doesn't wanna go down that route, I just mean others who might read this.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/tag/pick-up-put-down/

 

[Linnypops]

I understand your point. There were no controls on that study though - as in no base cortisol levels taken of babies not being ST. The authors have said that being in a sleep training lab would account for at least some of it. I think a lot more studies need to be done to determine if it is genuinely harmful or genuinely safe long term. But yes I completely agree it's not something anyone should do willy nilly!

 

[ljo1984]

Only problem with sleep training is I co sleep, she has a co sleeping crib she's in at the mo (well some of the night she's in it lol) and I personally don't mind the gradual retreat etc but wouldn't do it on a baby who hasn't a clue what your doing. It's something im considering with my 5&3 yo who are still in our room and will be trying to get them in their own room once I've finished decorating it. They will get what I'm doing and mainly it's for my 5yo, my 3yo isn't as clingy for contact for going to sleep.
I bought a couple of bottles I've had recomended to me for bf babies and gonna give them a go, but my boss also replied to a message I sent her about it saying I can fill out a form to just do days and will review after I've been back 3 months. Hopefully that will give her more time to adjust to night. I don't like to not feed her either if she wakes, just because most days she hardly has any solid foods, refusing or throwing it about. Not much gets eaten, arghhhhhh!! She's certainly a different kettle of fish to my older two lol. Oh she screams blue murder in the car too, which again a dummy or something she found comfort from other than my boobs would be amazing but no lol. I just
End up avoiding going anywhere unless I really need to. Thanks for your advice ladies. X

 

[Linnypops]

If you can rearrange things that's great. Yeah I think ST is either desperate measures or age -appropriate. If it's any help my dd only accepts latex teats and dummy's. Will never take a silicone one. In fact one night because is forgotten her bottle at nursery and had run out of latex teats I tried to give her a silicone one. Oh my days! She was so angry and threw the bottle across the room! Good luck!

 

[ljo1984]

Oh dear yeh I've both materials in dummies and bottle teats too, the latex is a softer texture, more skin like I guess. Makes no difference to mine though, just gets chewed then chucked arghhhhh!!!