Any tips to make being away from mom easier?

[Monix]

Hi! Just wondering if anyone has found a way to make this easier for everyone?

I am a stay at home mom with a 1 year old and a 3 year old. We do a lot of socializing (almost every day) with kids their age, but I’m usually there.

In December my son started ski school 2 days per week. He started the same week he turned 3. We had talked about it, visited the area, been skiing together, I had him in a program once a week for 2 hours without me. But he gets so upset EVERY time I take him. He’s fine after I leave and for the rest of the day, but he’s crying and needs to be carried every morning. None of the other kids are like this. His best buddy is in the same program and same sitiation (stay at home mom) but he was fine from the beginning.

It’s really hard on the instructors I’m sure, and on me and on my son. I wish I could make this transition easier but I’m out of ideas. Does anyone have an idea?

We ski with him on the weekends and he loves it so it’s not the skiing that’s upsetting him I don’t think. His instructor is so nice and gentle with him so it couldn’t be her. I’ve tried quick drop offs, and also going early so we can have a steamed milk and talk about the day first. We get really excited for him and make a big deal about his skiing but he doesn’t care. I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he just says that he misses me. This is the 8th week I thought he would be ok by now.

I know he needs to learn to be away from me but I feel awful dropping him off upset every time.

Thanks for any help!

 

[DobbyForever]

My son has full blown attachment issues from trauma and mild ASD. His psychologist is very anti CIO because of his early trauma. However, when it comes to drop offs she was very clear that it was the only time I had to leave him. I find that mornings I move slow or stay to talk, he gets upset. It took about a month before he stopped crying before I left. Six months before he stopped crying when his favorite caretaker goes on break.

So I guess my tips are:
Make the transition quick. It may feel like you are helping him transition by hanging out beforehand, but that’s just going to build up his anxiety more.

Be clear about when you come back. Is there a routine to the lesson? My daycare has a strict schedule, so every morning I tell him “today mommy will come back after nap/recess/snack/whatever event happens when I plan to show up”

We are also asked to leave a family item. In this case, they have a family photo wall. When the kids are sad, the kids go look at the pictures. Maybe he could take a photo in his pocket. Or I have heard about an item like momma needs you to keep this and give it back when I come back.

It was hard to let my son cry. I cried the first couple weeks. Now I cry because he just runs off without me haha. But every kid is different so gl!

 

[Monix]

My son has full blown attachment issues from trauma and mild ASD. His psychologist is very anti CIO because of his early trauma. However, when it comes to drop offs she was very clear that it was the only time I had to leave him. I find that mornings I move slow or stay to talk, he gets upset. It took about a month before he stopped crying before I left. Six months before he stopped crying when his favorite caretaker goes on break.

So I guess my tips are:
Make the transition quick. It may feel like you are helping him transition by hanging out beforehand, but that’s just going to build up his anxiety more.

Be clear about when you come back. Is there a routine to the lesson? My daycare has a strict schedule, so every morning I tell him “today mommy will come back after nap/recess/snack/whatever event happens when I plan to show up”

We are also asked to leave a family item. In this case, they have a family photo wall. When the kids are sad, the kids go look at the pictures. Maybe he could take a photo in his pocket. Or I have heard about an item like momma needs you to keep this and give it back when I come back.

It was hard to let my son cry. I cried the first couple weeks. Now I cry because he just runs off without me haha. But every kid is different so gl!

This is amazing thank you very much for sharing. I love your idea about tucking a picture in his pocket, and he will LOVE it if I give him something special to hold onto until I come back! And thank you for reassuring me that a quick drop off is good for him.

 

[noon_child]

Each child is different and attachment issues can hit at odd times. My daughter had been gong to nursery since she was 1year old, loved it, felt safe, knew everyone - then she hit 2.5 years old and suddenly she's clinging to my leg and crying. I investigated whether it was a change in staff or something scary had happened but nothing had changed. It was just her brain changing and so she was going through a period of separation anxiety. It lasted about 3 months I think, but like your son, she was fine once I'd gone and happy all day (and not wanting to leave if I ever came to pick her up early!!!). Things that made it worse: hunger, tiredness, changes in home routine e.g using a different car, driving a different route, her dad being away for work etc.

She is now 8yrs old and a few weeks ago she had a meltdown about going in to her swimming lesson. She loves water, finds her teacher funny, knows her classmates etc. but we had the Christmas holidays and so the routine of going swimming every week was broken so she got anxiety all over again. So as I say, it can hit at odd times. Try not to compare him to other kids, everyone is different.