Any young mums on here regret having kids young?

[muddles]

I had my first baby 3 months ago at the age of 29 and I wish I hadn't waited so long! I love being a mummy. That said I am glad my hubby and I had a bit of time just us and a couple of exotic holidays too. If you feel ready then go for it! I know we worried about money but we thought if we wait until we have loads of money before having a baby then we would never have a baby.

 

[KandyKinz]

I had my first when I was just a teenager and there has not been one moment where I regretted it. Ofcourse I had planned it and it was what I wanted.

However, this when you have your children is a very individual choice. If you are having second thoughts about having a baby now I highly suggest you just wait until they pass. The last thing you want is to be resentful of your own children!

 

[AimeeM]

Not at all. I had my first at 19 and my second at 26 and i wouldn't have it any other way. I love being a young mum!

 

[DottyLottie]

I had my eldest when I was 19, next one when I was 20, then a 10 year gap. Do I regret it? NO.
Although, of course, there are aspects of having kids younger that are more difficult, I wasn't financially comfortable for a long time, it was crap struggling for basic things, everyone wants the best for their kids.
I was lucky that my parents were super supportive and I still maintained a reasonable social life.

I don't feel as though I missed out on travelling, uni etc, instead, I feel like perhaps I wasn't best equipped to give my kids what they really needed, either financially and in some instances emotionally. However, on the flipside, my girls are 10 and 11 now and they love having a younger mum, I am close enough in age to them to still be on their wave length and we have a really lovely relationship - they really notice how much older their friends mums are.

The fact is, I have grown up with my kids, having had my third at 29, I can say quite honestly am a very different mother to my baby this time round, but I don't have the same boundless energy I had as a younger mum, I remember before wondering what all the fuss about sleepless nights was, at that age, you cope better physically I guess.
In all and perfect honestly, I feel as though I am much better equipped to be a mother now than I was 10 years ago, but hey, my girls area pretty decent kids and whilst I doubt they would call me a perfect mother, I think they are reasonably happy with their lot! As a parent you are your own harshest critic, and I do have regrets about the type of parent I was in my early 20's, but I have learned and moved on.

There are pro's and con's to both, I didn't plan to have children young, so I guess you have a choice and need to be 100% certain it is what you want, it really doesn't sound like you are!

 

[Tasha360]

im 21 i had my ds when i was 17 and my dd is 4 months and im pregnant again. I dont regret it at all xx

 

[trumpetbum]

I don't regret having mine and it is more common in my socio-economic group to have your family younger, but I'd say that you should be certain that it's what you want. There's never a perfect time but I think you have the right idea waiting a few months to weigh things up in your own head.

 

[sambam]

im 20 and have 2 kids, and i can honestly say, i love my life !... i prefer spending time with my kids and doing family stuff, rather than partying etc...
I feel like i have changed for the better as a person, and i have a lot more patience now than i did before.
Take your time, there is no big rush to do it so young !

 

[moomin_troll]

sometimes i wish i had waited till i was abit older but then if i did wait i wouldnt have zane and hes amazing. i was 20 and oh was 23 when zane was born

by the time im 40 zane will be grown up n hopefully moved out lol so i can do all the things like travel then when we should be finacialy better off then we are now. there are alot of benifits having children young but also being older.
only u can decided if u are ready for children now, but personaly i dont think anyone is ever truly ready for children as u never no what the future holds

 

[Wombat]

I didn't have time to read all of the replies -but my advice is - wait! Enjoy your 20s.

I had my first when I was 22. I was totally ready and had 100% financial security. Now I am 25 with two small kids, and I love them to bits! With all my heart! BUT - so many times I wish I have waited just a bit longer (late 20s)

Kids are fun and so rewarding, but - extreamly hard work. You never belong to yourself anymore. Never. Even when you are out you still thinking about kids.

Please, please wait!

 

[November1984]

I feel like in my case being in my 20's is stressful anyway. From studies done this is one of the most stressful times in one's life. I am the type who likes to pile on the hard stuff so things are easier later. Am a few months shy of 26, have one 2.5 year old and our last will be later this year.
I figure, things are only getting better in the way of our future for myself and OH so when the kids are a bit more independent and I get some freedom again I will have the cash flow and energy left to enjoy living for myself more.

 

[Sam9kids]

I had 4 by 23!!

Im 32 now and have my 9! I dont regret it, but if you dont feel ready, then dont xxx

 

[Jellyt]

I'm 22 and Evelyn is 3 months old. I have not once regretted it. It is difficult but it's going to be difficult whatever age you decide to have a baby and if you have doubts, i'd wait. My parents were more concerned about my degree than my feelings when I fell pregnant so I had a lot to contend with but my view was that I can finish my education whenever I want but i'd always wanted children and only went to college and university to make my parents happy, it was never what I wanted. I don't care that I can't go travelling with OH or that my friends go out every weekend, i'd rather spend a night in snuggling with my baby and OH. You need to be 100% sure that this is what you want and don't let anyone sway your decision either way. Good luck xxx

 

[Phantom]

I'm 22 and Evelyn is 3 months old. I have not once regretted it. It is difficult but it's going to be difficult whatever age you decide to have a baby and if you have doubts, i'd wait. My parents were more concerned about my degree than my feelings when I fell pregnant so I had a lot to contend with but my view was that I can finish my education whenever I want but i'd always wanted children and only went to college and university to make my parents happy, it was never what I wanted. I don't care that I can't go travelling with OH or that my friends go out every weekend, i'd rather spend a night in snuggling with my baby and OH. You need to be 100% sure that this is what you want and don't let anyone sway your decision either way. Good luck xxx

Wow... this is so much like me. I only went to Uni because it was exepcted of me. People are always asking me what I want to do with my life but the only thing I can think of and be 100% sure of is "be a mom". I never tell people that though because I know it's not what they want to hear. I wish I had the balls to just do what I want.

 

[Panda_Ally]

I wish i had waited to have a baby. (i wouldnt change her for the world mind) but i feel that there is huge parts of my life that i have missed out on. i keep telling myself i can go travelling and live abroad etc when she has grown up. but when im in my late 30's i think i may have roots/ other children so those options may not b open. Its a frustration to me and i feel i have ' missed out'. if your not ready for a baby dont have one, you have plenty of time. but remember there is never a 'perfect time' for a baby.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I've felt broody for ages and can't get babies out of my head.

But I am torn between my broodiness/instinct to have a baby and a strong cultural pressure not to have a baby young.

Let me explain... I was bought up in an middle-upper class culture where having kids young is extremely rare i.e. I went to an expensive private school where teenage pregnancy was unheard of and no one left school to go on and have babies. It just never happened.... In addition, I have just finished university.

My parents are not for me having kids young at all, they warn me against it. My mum didn't have me untill 30.

Whereas my bf is from a totally different upbringing.... his mum had finished her family of 3 kids by 22! He is from a very low-socioeconomic country area where it is normal for people to have kids young.... so that's his mentality.

So he is much more ready to try for a baby and has less to lose because he is in a dead end job... I am much more nervous.... I will give it a few months and see how I feel.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Have you talked about marriage? I would think the next obvious step for you would be planning a wedding, NOT a baby. If he thinks he is ready to commit to a child maybe he should be ready to commit to YOU first. I would never plan a baby before being married.

 

[mamalove]

I don't think age matters at all, my aunty felt ready at the age of 40 for the first time in her life.

If you want to have a child you will make it work, if you're not 100% sure you're not there yet.

I always said i'd have kids in my early 20s and thats what i did, i never planned on going out every weekend getting drunk and travelling the world with friends, but i do want to show the world to MY CHILDREN and give them absolutley EVERYTHING they want.
What better companions for world touring then 3 amazing girls??? noone can replace that!

 

[mummy3]

Are you happy with your bf? There was just a vibe in your original post

I have 3 now at 27, going for no4. I had my first at 21 and tbh I wish I started even earlier, in my family its the norm to have lots of kids, dont get me wrong its also the norm to get a uni education, which I did while pregnant with 2 of my kids Also menopause starts before age 30 in my family( mum at 28).

Had I not met my soulmate so early, I wouldn't have my kids.

Also its best to have a plan for providing, whether thats education(uni) or have a steady job. In this economy even a dead end job is better than no job!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I just think that I will be young enough to do things when they are a bit older. I dont think I have missed out at all?

 

[aimee-lou]

I think there are pros and cons to having a baby at any age. In some cultures/families, 23 isn't conisdered young, whereas in some areas even marrying before 30 is a strange occurence.

I was 22 when I met my husband. We were 24 when we married and I was 26 and 1 month when Earl was born. In some ways, we felt ready to have a family when we were 22 as we were happy, committed and settled. However, we felt we needed to get to know one another, enjoy time as a couple while we were young and had time and income to spare. I am happy to have waited for Earl, and really didn't want to wait any longer. Yet, despite all of this, We were still cautioned about having a baby too young and how 'once they're here you can't send them back'. lol

My MIL on the other hand was married at 21 and had her first be 22 and she said that that was 'the done thing' and she felt ready and happy to have done that.

 

[Lauraxamy]

I was 18 when I fell pregnant, 19 now. I don't regret her or getting pregnant in any way at all. I wouldn't change it for anything and I can't wait to have more kids but I've always known and been 100% certain that I wanted children. If you aren't sure then you should probably wait until you are sure and know you want them.