Anybody feel a little "traumatized" by their wedding day?

[Darlin65]

I know that seems a bit strong of a word but I don't know how to describe it. I still cry over it sometimes and have nightmares. It was a disaster. My sister made it all about her, nobody helped me with anything (I had to demand somebody help me get dressed) and I barely got my veil on in time before I had to start walking down the aisle. Everyone acted like they didn't even want to be there. We only had like 30 guests. Family only. we spent most of our reception in awkward silence. Nobody really came to talk to us or congratulate us until it was time to leave (right after dinner and cake) I swear they couldn't leave fast enough. Everyone was gone by 7-730 and the reception didn't start until about 5pm.

We paid for condos with the money we saved by going small for everyone to go on a Florida vacation. Nobody invited us to do anything with them (not even when they would head to the pool). They even tried to ditch us when they all went to dinner one night. We also found out his family was talking behind our backs about how we kept leaving our son with family overnight... it was our honeymoon. We took him to places like Disney during the day but we wanted alone time too.

I can't even watch weddings on TV anymore without getting seriously upset. I wanted to just get married in a no frills ceremony while on vacation but mil forbidded it. They give all the kids a certain percentage of money to pay for the wedding so she denied us the money for it if we did it that way. DH went along with it. I just can't help but look back on my wedding day and absolutely hate it. The deacon even got DH's name wrong. He kept calling him Brent not Bret. Brent is my brother's name.

I wish we would have just went to the courthouse. At least then it would have been special and we could have been in our own little world together and not worried about anything else. I just can't believe how alone I felt on my wedding day

 

[Tiff]

Oh hunny, how awful! I can't believe they acted like that!

I had some snafus on my wedding day, some of which (if I didn't have photographic proof I think people would try and say it didn't happen!!! ) were unreal!

But nothing like that. One of my bridesmaid's dresses literally fell apart, she was pregnant and had alterations done. We were late getting ready so I ended up not having any family pictures at the house (when my Mom re-planted her entire garden to match my wedding colours) to having our limo (en route to venue) literally held up by a guy riding bareback on a horse (with no shirt ).

I found a LOT of people left early, and we actually had quite a few people who didn't even bother to give us a card, let alone a gift.

But for the most part I enjoyed my day. I wouldn't want to relive it mind you as I found it incredibly stressful... but I do feel that people were genuinely happy for us. I'm SO sorry you didn't have the wedding of your dreams. That's awful! Any idea why they'd be so harsh????

 

[Darlin65]

We've been together for a while (8yrs) and had been engaged for a few yrs. We had set a date once before and started planning but then DH got laid off. It was really hard to secure a date after that so we bounced around a bit. I think everyone was just over it. They didn't see it as important.

 

[Tiff]

Well, be that as it may life freaking happens. Its STILL important!!!!!

 

[Darlin65]

We had an incident sort of like your friend. My sister had gained weight and insisted on putting on the dress that was too small instead of the one we had that fit her (we had an extra size, long story) She got stuck in it and couldn't breathe. Nobody could get her out. I told them to just rip her out of it but nobody listened. THIS is why I ad nobody to get me dressed. I got angry and hulked her out of it. Totally ripped out the whole zipper. They continued helping her get into the other dress rather than getting me dressed! I was standing there in a bra in spanks trying to get my slip and dress on myself. Luckily DH's sister came to check on how things were going and got me dressed. She was my lifesaver that day.

My sister ruined my hen night too. I had to undress her and put her to bed (after she started undressing in front of my husband!) She embarrassed everyone at my party.

Oh, and after she switched dresses she complained because it was "not the color she wanted". I had a diff color for her being MOH but she didn't get to wear it.

 

[katherinegrey]

I'm so sorry you didn't get the day you want, is a vow renewal on the cards? You and DH could go on vacation like you wanted and renew your vows, that way you still get the wedding you wanted, I know it's not the same as your first wedding, and I can't believe people would be so cruel as to ruin that for you, but it might help you put it behind you if you can have a nice vow renewal and sort of have that as your proper wedding, your other could just be known as your official wedding?

 

[CoffeePuffin]

Oh gosh, I am so sorry! At least you are married now.
I'm praying nothing like this happens on my wedding day.

 

[Darlin65]

CoffeePuffin- It's a very rare thing. Idk what the heck happened I doubt your wedding will go that way. Mine was doomed from the start. We had issues with everyone from the start. I couldn't get my mom or sister to even o wedding dress shopping with me and my sister kept freaking out over money even tho my mom paid for everything she needed.

May I add that my mom was very sweet tho. She paid for the reception and then later apologized for not giving us a gift but she didn't have it. She apologized that she couldn't do more when she is constantly bailing my sister out and giving her money. When she gets her tax return back she is insisting on giving us some money to go on weekend getaway or something just for us. I told her it was ok we didn't need it and I appreciated all she did but she won't take no for an answer. She tried so hard for me and I am incredibly grateful for her even more so now.

 

[wishuwerehere]

I'm sorry, how sad and how unfair of your family
That's very sweet of your mum though, perhaps you could use a little money from her to renew your vows somewhere quietly, just you and your hubby?

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the day you had hoped for I can't believe they acted like that

 

[Pandora11]

Yes - it's just gone a year and i'm only just starting to get closure.

We eloped, everything that was important to me/us was ruined or altered even though we triple checked everything.

there was noone at our venue until 2hrs before our wedding, we were totally alone and there was a mix up with decor/flowers which meant i got none! people held me up so i didn't finish doing my hair and makeup and so couldn't have it the way i wanted. my music was started in the wrong place and never switched off, we were so tired from photos that we barely remember the night, we were meant to be booked into an expensive resturant but weren't and then the woman only told us that all the places shut in a few hours. We couldn't drive after drinking so we walked far and ended up in a casual place that was almost closing with blisters

and our reception was hijacked by mil who changed food, invites, favors, decor and EVERYTHING you can think of and changed into a party for her friends. when we got to the venue we had drinks in the foyer and noone wanted to talk to us, they all mingled with their own friends. sil was overdressed and we were understressed(from mils dress code) and everyone spent the whole night telling sil how lovely she looked. we ate a bland meal to shitty music and after no one made an effort to talk to us even when we went to tHEIR tables. and then dh's cousin who forced her way into take the photos (against our wishes) didn't include us in them. all her family and her boyfriend were getting their photos done and then litterally every combination of friend/relative until they were wrapping it up and i mentioned to mil me and dh weren't in any photos!

we went back to mils house where the cake was half finished and decor was half arse (they made more effort for sils meaningless parties months before) DH was made to serve drinks and i sat alone with my dog all NIGHT! we got no time together and i wanted to punch holes in the wall...

then the photos appeared on facebook of mil and her friends and daughter and relatives with no mention that we existed!!

mil never had any interest in wedding on the run up or after, she doesnt even know where we got married or why. she didnt ask us about honey moon or ask if we had a good time! yet now she's after my wedding photos!

i feel for you i truely do!

 

[AP]

Oh my dear god

Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing just having Alex and 2 witnesses, but reading these , man, leaves me terrified if I do decide on a big vow renewal! :O

Shocked is an understatement at your stories!

(And Pandora-keep your photos exclusive to you! She doesn't bloody deserve them!)

Big hugs all round

OP- do you have a special day between you both when perhaps you could renew? Or a special anniversary?

 

[Mummy May]

Oh no that's awful! I'm so sorry they did that. I would run away and have your vows renewed with none of the nasty people to ruin it for you xxx

 

[lovelylaura]

I'm so sorry that they ruined it for you. Maybe have a vow renewal in a few years? My wedding wasn't great tbh. Then my mum decided to tell me that im a horrible person and i ruined MY wedding for HER. I've decided she's nuts but i still can't look back on it and question everything and wonder if i was horrible? everyone left ours early too but i put it down to most people having little kids but i duno maybe i was just a monster or something :/ i hope you get to have some closure at some point over it. And remember its not the day that means everything its the days after as married couple that do.

 

[x__amour]

Oh sweetie, I'm so, so sorry. A woman's wedding day is supposed to be one of the best days of their life.

I never had a ceremony. Just got our certificate at the DMV and had it filed at the county clerk. Sometimes I wish I had a wedding but I wouldn't have anyone to invite anyways. Maybe one day you can renew your wedding vows and have just a thing for you and DH.

Congratulations on your marriage. I wish you all the best.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

Sounds like a horrible time, I'm so sorry! I had a horrible wedding experience with my first wedding, which is why I eloped with my second husband. Experience was so much better, and we got to focus on just us!

If you're interested in a re-do but don't want the courthouse feel, I suggest the Nautica Queen (we got married in Cleveland). The Captain does marriages for $200, and is such a sweetheart. The whole crew went out of their way to make it special for us. I wore a wedding dress and we danced to the DJ. The dinner was delicious and they gave us free drinks. I can't recommend it enough!

 

[Cntrygal]

Darlin I'm so sorry this happened! I got lucky at my wedding. The only part that was bothersome was the fact that my Mom was my only blood relative that came. I didn't have time to think about it the day of (thank goodness), but the days leading up to it I had to put on a brave face like I was completely understanding. But I would shed quite a few tears when I was by myself. Luckily I have great friends that made sure I felt loved.

My best friend just got married a couple of weeks ago and it was a disaster. Even my DH was astounded. Her sister had planned to do all these projects that my best friend didn't even want. And instead of worrying about important things; a table to sit the drink canisters at, the guest book laid out and ready, a place for gifts...she was trying to finish these stupid projects. Her sister gave her so much false hope that she had everything under control. They brought so much stuff to the venue that still needed to be done that should have already been done. They knew they were renting 8 ft tables, the table cloths should have been cut and ready to put on the table. My DH...who is a country boy thru and thru...ended up being the one cutting the table cloths and getting them on the tables. He was even freaking out about getting stuff done. I got a text a couple of days ago asking if I could make the 6hr trip back down there to take pictures. My best friend got zero getting ready pictures, and only got a few snaps after the ceremony. Her sister hadn't done a thing to her own hair and wasn't wearing any make-up for the wedding. Worst part, my best friends mom and sister treated her like crap on her wedding day. It makes me so mad when I think about it.

On the 6 hour drive home DH and I talked about how insane it was. He said he knew everyone had worked really hard for us, but he appreciated them even more now. He even admitted that I did a really good job planning our wedding and making sure everything got done.

I vote for a vow renewal with just you and DH. It won't erase anything, but you can talk about the nice romantic vows you and DH exchanged. Then use those pictures exclusively for anyone wanting to see pictures of your wedding.

 

[tammym1974]

Since your Mom insists on giving you money maybe you should take it and get away for a bit. As another poster suggested...do a small vow renewal with just you and him or you and your closest family. It's obvious you need some kind of closure.

Sorry about your wedding disaster. That's one of the reasons I got married in Vegas...to avoid something like that.

 

[Darlin65]

We actually were trying to plan a vegas vacation while I pg with DS and do more of a "resort retreat" and just sight see. I told DH we should just get married while we were gone We never ended up going tho because we found my dream dress on sale and bought that instead never even got to wear it because I developed hypothyroidism after DS and gained too much

 

[ying2myyang]

.....like a crazy person and beg for a do over on my recent wedding and next time PAY out of my own savings account if I have to for one of those by-the-hour with lunch thrown in-non friend wedding coordinators to sic on potential inconsiderate into voodoo people who crash your wedding because they live with one of the wedding guests who think they can just hunt you down before you're about to take your walk to the alter who give you one of their homemade needless to say an UGLY ''lucky'' charm fake hawaiian lei made of cheap plastic (the kind with no leaves, no silk flowers) and this crazy person had nerve to place an identical one around yes, my groom's neck first and kissing him before the ceremony started! Worst, and beyond belief no one from his party including his mother never tried to call me on the cell phone ever to get my approval we'd be wearing them at the alter!! You think my fashionista maid of honor could have taken mine off my neck during the ceremony or at least before our photo shoots, while she was taking selfies making sure she looked ok. The guests list was compiled by my new husband whom now I resent for allowing them so he could cut corners on never mind the coordinator we really needed AND then allowing his mother to direct that I open her lame gifts in front of everybody which (and this is the ******** part) she gives me a cat Tshirt, a cat coffee mug of the that said the same thing the Tshirt said, then I had to open the rest of the presents because she was chanting, 'do it!' Which I read my husband and WE COULD HAVE OPENED OUR PRESENTS IN THE PRIVACY OF OUR BEDROOM IF WE WANTED, but no! His same mother gives us a 5 star lodging reservation for which we ended up leaving in a hurry to get started on a 12 hour drive to make it to a 3 night stay she paid for--and I resent we ended up spending more on fuel and paying for all our meals once we got to it for our honeymoon and all so for that, she was excused for not getting us one thing on our registry--small things that we really needed for our house, like I'd gladly taken a duvet or something for our new bed to stay at a 4 star lodging with an outdoor balconey. Oh, about that stupid CAT Tshirt and coffee mug she got me, she knows I hate cats!
Back to the confusing crazy juvenile lei that clashed with my wedding dress and my groom's shirt and tie, no one in my family nor his are hawaiian nor was our wedding venue anywhere near water!