Anyone else constantly arguing with OH? He makes me cry all the time...

[immie]

We only found out 3 days that we were expecting LO. It was planned and we were both very excited to start trying and very excited at the concept of becoming parents again. Now it's like since we found out he keeps making horrible insensitive comments about the baby. Last night we were watching one born, and he said he wouldn't cry this time, despite crying with happiness when his first child was born with his ex, he said he'll know what's coming and he's been through it before so he won't be emotional this time, and I'm just like 'are you serious? So this baby isn't going to mean as much as your first and you're not going to be overcome with happiness because it's 'just another kid' to you'. He said if I start being a drama queen when in labour he's going to walk out and I better man up. Is he kidding me??!!! It's like he's purposely trying to think of things he can say to hurt me.

I also said to him yesterday that I'm sorry for being a little over sensitive it's just my hormones and so I asked him nicely if he would think before he says something and he comes back at me with 'no why should I think about what I'm saying' such a PRICK!!!!!!

 

[Julia35]

Wow. I'm speechless. Was he a jerk like that before or just since your bfp? He's being more than insensitive. It seems like he's trying to hurt you. I'd like to see him "man up" while delivering a 7.5 pound human being. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[purplecupcake]

Eh. That would irk me too, but I would also think maybe, even though it was planned, he might be struggling with some conflicting emotions about having another baby. There's a saying that "Women become mothers when they become pregnant. Men become fathers the first time they hold their baby." He may just need some more time to work through his feelings about it.

I would also like to know if he was like this prior to you getting pregnant?

 

[purplecat]

Yeah me and oh have been getting into tiffs a lot. It sucks but we have said no more fighting because i dont want to lose our child.

 

[immie]

No he was never like this before, it's like he's changing to try and push me away which makes no sense as he was the one who started the discussion of me coming off my pill because he'd like another child. Just do not get him

I'm glad you understand and don't think I'm completely over reacting, thanks girls xxx

 

[modified]

That would piss me off. Big time. Even if he is struggling to get his head around a new baby, he should be adult enough to know that you're going through this too. That's really out of order!

My husband has been really good, thankfully. He has a few breathing quirks when he's sleeping that annoyed me before but really infuriate me now and keep me from getting to sleep for some reason and he offered to sleep in the spare room.

 

[Belle2528]

I wonder (and this is just a shot in the dark) if part of him is actually worried. He has a child with his ex and he may be worried that this will end up the same way (not saying he does but maybe just a thought process he's had)

My husband has a child from a previous relationship who we have more than half the week and we adore her. When I found out we were pregnant (with a miracle baby!!!) he was very happy but also very concerned. We're very open with each other and he said one of his concerns was what if our relationship went the same way his did with his ex and he was dad to 2 children by different mothers and not full time in any of their lives. I didn't take it personally as can understand why it crossed his mind.

As a PP said-women become mothers when they're pregnant. Men when they hold the baby. Just give him time to sort his emotions out.

Belle xxx

 

[2have4kids]

I'm sorry you're having to put up with an insensitive man right now, you don't need this! What's you're usual reaction to him? It sounds like he's feeding off your reaction or biting for some sort of upset. Try next time to do the opposite. If you normally tell him how insensitive he is and argue, simply say nothing and remove yourself from the room. Don't give him a reaction and stay away from him for a few days.

If he's making snide remarks about delivery, maybe he needs to know you can always find someone more dignified and mature to help you in your moment of need? It doesn't mean you need to do it, you just need to give him something more to think about other than getting a rise out of you! Men are not our saviours, we are perfectly capable of handling ANY situation without them and sometimes they need to be reminded of that. He needs a reality check and needs to know that he's quite replaceable. Knowing that you're capable of handling things without him will put him out of his comfort zone and hopefully start treating you better.

Anytime we feel we are expendable, old feelings of insecurity, wanting to feel accepted, wanting to please come back. Sometimes I think men are ungrateful and forget all of the treasures they have right in front of them. They take advantage of generous, loving women that care about them dishing foul words and unkind sentiments. Give that man a wake up call girl!

 

[immie]

Thank you so much ladies, some great advice and suggestions as to why he might be behaving in such a shitty way! I'll have to recite to him some of the things you ladies have said! I am spending a couple of nights away at my friends place with my son to hopefully give him some time to realise what an idiot he's been! xxx

 

[BigLegEmma]

Constantly. He was childish before I was pregnant but now I'm just glad I don't have to deliver him too, because he's turned into a huge whining baby.

 

[2have4kids]

I am spending a couple of nights away at my friends place with my son to hopefully give him some time to realise what an idiot he's been! xxx

Fantastic! You da woman. Make him miss you, time apart always gives back 10 fold.

 

[annaaabanana]

ugh! that would make me upset also.. I'm so sorry! and he will come around.. men are just ugh! ... I completely understand!!! everything will be fine he will come around for sure sweetie

 

[immie]

You ladies are brilliant, really appreciate the comments! As for staying away, I'm now being accused of speaking to other men while we spent last night apart. I mean what is this? Why on earth would I do that? The immaturity of him is literally making me want to castrate him! How do I even win? xxx

 

[BigLegEmma]

You ladies are brilliant, really appreciate the comments! As for staying away, I'm now being accused of speaking to other men while we spent last night apart. I mean what is this? Why on earth would I do that? The immaturity of him is literally making me want to castrate him! How do I even win? xxx

Just let him wallow and focus on you and your babies, that's what I'm doing. Doesn't lessen his childish behaviour, but it does upset me less. I'm also putting just-in-case money aside so I never find myself in a position where I'm stuck with him because I have no alternative. Sounds callous, but I'd rather be prepared than miserable. A sad mummy makes for an unhappy child. Some men never grow up.

 

[laurabe]

I'm only 5 weeks and mine is on about how I must get cream for stretchmarks! insensitive or what? also he dyed his white shirt pink in the wash and cos it. was one of my socks he wants me to replace the shirt at £70. hes the idiot who washed it !! grrrr he is really excited about being a dad but I think the hormones have got him instead of me cos he is well grumoy

 

[Julia35]

I really hope to hear he realizes very soon what a gift you guys are being given. I think he will come around, Hun. Good for you for standing your ground!

 

[purplecupcake]

Sounds like you might benefit from some counseling, both couples and by yourself. If this is how he reacts under change and pressure, you may want to reconsider your relationship with him.

 

[2have4kids]

As for staying away, I'm now being accused of speaking to other men while we spent last night apart.

If you respond to this make him understand that this isn't acceptable. Don't argue that you would never bla bla bla, completely ignore all immature accusations at this point. Make sure he understands that if he continues on this path, with this kind of reaction - accusations instead of resolution - you're willing to stay away with your new man than be with him. (JK of course on't say it in those words but let him know that he's not wecome in your life behaving like a child)
I completely agree with he pp that you two could really benefit from counselling. If he doesn't stop and he refuses counselling, then you need to draw up plan B.

I was pulling up videos last night for OH and I on what happens during pregnancy and accidentally hit on one that discusses how external stress during pregnancy can cause MASSIVE effects on baby. Stress and pressure on you is directly related to colicy, crying stressed baby once born. They discussed how the husband, family and even community and doctors need to do much better job in our society in supporting pregnant women. Make sure you lean towards people who bring you peace and happiness and away from people who cause you stress and extra pressure. You need to place yourself in supportive hands right now.

 

[patchey]

What an asshole. I would tell him not to bother coming for the birth if he's afraid you're going to be a drama queen.

 

[2have4kids]

I found that video for ya:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=85xiGpKE9b8