anyone else feel bad about bottle feeding?

[kat132]

I really wanted to BF this time round but i tried for 2 weeks and had to put him on bottles because he was eating so much i was so ill trying to keep up with him and not much use to anyone to be honest. i am still offering him boob between bottles but he has gone right off it now so i think i might start drying up soon.

I feel so bad though. i made a promise to myself and my OH that i would BF for at least 3 months
Formula is so exspensive but i just couldnt keep up.......

Anyone else had the same problem, i feel like i am the only one bottle feeding. there are so many women on here that are still BF at 13 months etc.....makes me feel like a bad mum

 

[RaspberryMini]

For various reasons I FF from the beginning but I still felt guilty and often as though as was being judged for FF. But no one knew why I did so or the personal reasons behind this.

One good thing my HV said to me was its better to FF and be well and in a good state of mind yourself as that will create a happier baby than struggling through breast feeding which won't alone make baby happy.

Since she said that I'm comfortable in my decision and have noticed a lot of the mothers from my baby groups quickly switched to FF as did many of my friends.

I know BF is better for the baby but I also believe a happy, relaxed mother is just as beneficial to the baby's emotional wellbeing.

 

[Sarachka]

Most of us have been hit with guilt at one time or other, BUT DON'T!! We can only do what we can do. There are so many variables in successful BFing. Not every boob, baby, latch, tongue, lip, supply, system, body, energy level, support, morale, is the same. While it's great that it's worked so well for some people, it hasn't for others of us. So we have to do the next best thing, WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE! My daughter has been exclusively FF since she was 3 months old and is so happy and healthy, that any guilt I had at the start of bottles has completely gone.

Never fall victim to parental guilt! We are all fighting our own battles!

 

[Liesje]

If you really feel strongly about it, you could try domperidone. That even creates milk in women who have adopted babies.

 

[sg2011]

I FF due to a medical condition I have and the medications are not compatible with BF and there are no safe alternatives. It was just as well because I developed post-partum depression and was put on more medication. I did want to BF her in the hospital (before I went on my meds) so she could at least have colostrum but she was taken away due to breathing difficulties and so it just didn't work out.

I don't really feel guilty necessarily. My girl is happy, healthy, bright and intelligent, meeting all her milestones so FF has done her well. I think the only issue I have is missing out on having that experience with her and I will do anything to ensure I have that experience even though it will be brief with my next baby.

So, for me, it is more the missing out than some belief that FF is unhealthy or inferior or that I'm less of a mother than someone who BF. My beautiful baby loves me and is bonded to me and it doesn't matter how I fed her. It is the love, attention and nurturing I give her every day...it's knowing that I'm there for her when she needs me and it is the mothering I will give her until she is grown up that dictates the quality of her life and not how I nourished her.

 

[dizz]

Anyone else had the same problem, i feel like i am the only one bottle feeding. there are so many women on here that are still BF at 13 months etc.....makes me feel like a bad mum

The bottle feeders on here (and in life) tend to keep much quieter about it... do WE have rows of cow blinkies everywhere? - Nope - we just tend to have to get on with it. Occasionally you'll get someone with it in their signature but generally there's this whole stigma attached so people keep quieter about it.

I refuse to do the guilt thing anymore - I do the incredibly angry at how formula feeders are treated thing instead. I didn't choose the situation - life chose it for me - why should the rest of the world have some kind of "right" to bully, harass and threaten me because of it?

 

[vintage67]

Kat, there is a whole thread full of us at the top of this page in the sticky section.

Not being able to BF your baby can bring about horrible feelings of guilt, depression and worthlessness. You can find yourself feeling alienated and not wanting to leave the house. Many of us have been there.

You are very welcome to join us in the sticky thread above.

You will find women who had to turn to formula because they had no supply, very low supply, painful infections, babies were ill, babies couldn't latch, mother fell ill, mother became depressed, medication conflicts, etc. Plenty of people "don't want to hear our excuses" and will judge us. There is nothing we can do about that. But you don't have to hide in a corner and feel ashamed.

Congratulations on that beautiful baby and please don't let these all too brief baby days pass by in a state of guilt and depression!!!! That baby will love and adore you! You'll be just fine. Stay strong. Again, feel free to join us in the sticky above for support.

 

[vintage67]

By the way, I see your baby is only 3 weeks old. It isn't too late to have a breastfeeding relationship, but I also see you have a 2 year old. There was a woman on here recently that was trying to breastfeed and infant and felt she just couldn't manage without neglecting her toddler. That happens too. We all feel so pressured to be SuperWomen.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[dgirllamius]

I felt awful because I couldn't breastfeed. The hospital I gave birth didn't help me at all and I felt that my baby was so hungry because I wasn't producing enough milk. She needed my boob so much I couldn't keep up. She didn't latch right, my nipples bled and I was in severe pain that I was in tears every feed. I dreaded feeding her, it was awful.

Now she's on formula, she is a much happier baby. She sleeps from 7pm to 7am (I don't know if this is formula related). I don't feel guilty now because I know I did the right thing, and my friends made sure I NEVER felt awful about it.

I just wish when I go to the doctors with my baby that they don't question me as to why I don't breastfeed. Well maybe if the hospital staff took the time to help me I'd still be doing it, but with the lack of support I had no wonder I gave up.

 

[MrsButterfly]

I tried really hard to breastfeed. But baby ended up in hospital for 4 days for jaundice as he was v dehydrated as he wasn't latching well and was lazy. I kept trying unsuccessfully, then was determined I was going to exclusively pump for 6 months! Well as soon as DH went back to work I realized how incredibly tough that is. I just couldn't manage along with caring for lo. I started formula and was exclusively ff by 4/5 weeks. Felt so guilty but my little man is thriving and I'm a much better mum to him than I was able to be before stressing about pumping enough etc.

I wish I could have kept going for him but I'm fed up of feeling guilty. I know I'm a good mum, as are you, so don't beat yourself up. And ignore anyone who tries to make you feel bad - unfortunately as I've found, there's too many people out there who try.

 

[Indigo77]

No, I don't feel badly about it at all...

I'm sorry you feel this way...

 

[CoffeePuffin]

My babe has a cleft palate, so I can't breastfeed as she can't create a seal inside her mouth for suction. I am formula feeding. I could express, but feeding her takes time and I am exhausted as it is. I do feel quite guilty though.

Someone told me the other day that there is only a 1% difference in breastmilk and todays formulas. Not sure if that's true though.

 

[lilbecksxx]

I dont feel bad about it - we gave it our best shot, but it didnt work out. I think FF was the best thing for us! For the first 6 weeks of my sons life, he was the most miserable baby ever!!!!!!! If I had had to do all the feedings, I think I would have actually had a mental breakdown!!

I am proud to FF, my son is very healthy, very happy now & is hitting all the milestones.

I dont know why people care how someone elses baby is fed - as long as the baby is healthy & thriving, that is all that matters. If you see a group of adults, you can't tell how they were fed as a baby!

 

[RaspberryMini]

I dont feel bad about it - we gave it our best shot, but it didnt work out. I think FF was the best thing for us! For the first 6 weeks of my sons life, he was the most miserable baby ever!!!!!!! If I had had to do all the feedings, I think I would have actually had a mental breakdown!!

I am proud to FF, my son is very healthy, very happy now & is hitting all the milestones.

I dont know why people care how someone elses baby is fed - as long as the baby is healthy & thriving, that is all that matters. If you see a group of adults, you can't tell how they were fed as a baby!

Totally agree with this - and to add I'm sure your LO's won't be questioning the way they were fed when they are adults, more recalling their hopefully happy childhoods!

When my LO gives me a big gummy smile when I walk into the room and catch his eye, I know I'm doing exactly the right thing. When we are out people always ask if he's always so smiley and placid. So I know we must be doing something right!

 

[TiffanyBrown]

When I was pregnant, I told myself that I was going to exclusively breastfeed. I was 100% for breastfeeding. Then, when Lily was born, I realized how difficult breastfeeding actually was. I was the only one who could feed her, which meant me getting up four or five times a night to feed her. It was exhausting and I was developing full-on depression. So, after only a week of breastfeeding, we switched to FF and I can honestly say I don't regret it. I felt guilty at first but now, I wouldn't have it any other way. We're all so much happier now

 

[mommy0629]

I'm working through some guilt issues about having to give up bfing too, but I'm pretty much over it now. I have a preemie so at first she was fed through a feeding tube and they would add the colostrum I pumped to her formula, so not your typical situation right off the bat. We did get her breastfeeding in the NICU, but only with a nipple shield since her mouth was so tiny and the dr. still insisted that she be bottle fed afterwards with my pumped bm that was fortified.

So, to keep bfing I would have to first bf (with a nipple shield), then feed a bottle, then pump - every 3 hours round the clock. Who can do that? I have a 7 year old to take care of too. When I first made the decission that it was too much and I'd ff I felt relief but at the same time that I had to keep reminding myself why. I pumped a few times a day for a while but as my supply started drying up it got a little depressing so I stopped.

How rediculous is this though - when I was bfing her and even before she was born and I was planning it, I felt guilty then too, for my son though, because he wouldn't latch on so he was ff from basically day one. I was feeling guilty that I was maybe giving one child some sort of health advantage over the other. You can really make yourself crazy lol

 

[dizz]

Turn the question around -

Do you feel guilty for feeding your child? Do you feel guilty for feeding them an appropriate (may not be 100% optimal but you're going to be fighting that for their entire life when they're grizzling about eating broccoli for their tea and people don't go on massive guilt trips about that) diet?

As for the health advantages of one over the other. I was bottle fed, my brother was breastfed. He has very severe (was the worst case his consultant had seen in a child in his entire career) eczema and asthma that at times has been so severe he almost died... he got the shit end of the genetic sweepstake, I got the better deal. I'm smarter than him (proven - not just sibling bragging!), he works harder than me so we got pretty much equal exam results.

 

[mommy0629]

Turn the question around -

Do you feel guilty for feeding your child? Do you feel guilty for feeding them an appropriate (may not be 100% optimal but you're going to be fighting that for their entire life when they're grizzling about eating broccoli for their tea and people don't go on massive guilt trips about that) diet?

As for the health advantages of one over the other. I was bottle fed, my brother was breastfed. He has very severe (was the worst case his consultant had seen in a child in his entire career) eczema and asthma that at times has been so severe he almost died... he got the shit end of the genetic sweepstake, I got the better deal. I'm smarter than him (proven - not just sibling bragging!), he works harder than me so we got pretty much equal exam results.

That's a really good point about how we'll be fighting with them for a long time about eating their vegetables etc. My 7 year old is a picky eater and certainly doesn't eat an "optimal" diet by any means (thank God for Flinstone vitamins ); I never thought about it that way

 

[Bats11]

I BF for 8wks and switched to Formula, ongoing mastitis was a nightmare! Yes I sure did feel guilty at the time, but since then I feel no guilt what so ever, my baby is happy & content & Im no longer in severe pain and Im a happier mother for it