Anyone else feel this way?

[Angel022605]

Had a break down between yesterday and today. Found out last night my brother and his wife are expecting their first child after coming off BC back in the summer. While I am happy for them I’m also deeply depressed it’s not me and DH making that announcement. We have been TTC our first little one since 2015. Been to a fertility clinic and his sperm is so low our only chance according to the Dr is IVF($$). While we’re happy for my brother and his wife and congratulated them we still hurt. I’ve seen physical tears fall from his face as he cried out to the Higher Power “why”. I too cried physical tears of pain and heartache to the Higher Power “why”. DH is 36 and I’ll be 36 in July. We have lack of faith in the Higher Power. We feel like no one is listening. We feel it’s unfair that people can get pregnant while drinking or on drugs. We don’t under why people get pregnant to turn around and either sexually abuse children or physically abuse them or mentally and emotionally abuse them. Us trying for so many years only to have BFN every time hurts. It brings on depression really bad to the point he looses interest in general foreplay. There was one point one month he didn’t even want to just make out with me because he knew it’d leave to sex and he was too depressed for sex. I only wanted making out. This hurt me. I cried myself to sleep many nights. We’re deeply depressed. Hurting. Would love to chat with someone who has been in our shoes. Much hugs and encouragement needed. Thanks for listening.

 

[Angel022605]

Any words of encouragement? Anyone ever experience this?

 

[jsquared]

I get it.

My story is a bit different—we are a two mom family and always knew we’d need help, but it took a LONG time and it was excruciating to watch other people (also using fertility treatments) conceive before we did. I am so sorry you’re going through this. It absolutely sucks and you are totally normal for feeling the way that you do. xo

 

[Angel022605]

Thank you for sharing

 

[Angel022605]

Anyone else have anything they wanna share? Good, bad, in-between? Any prayers or positive thoughts/vibes always welcome.

 

[mimi4]

I am sorry to know your story, sending positive vibes x

 

[hairftsher]

While I have not been in your situation, & am fortunate enough to have been blessed with one child I understand how hard it is to be happy for someone's baby news & also deeply upset by it.
I wish I had some good advice for you, I wish it got easier... but just know that it is okay to feel the way you feel, & don't deny your emotions.


Goodluck xx

 

[KatieCub]

Hey Angel,

Sorry to hear you and you're husband are struggling and losing faith. I can say with all my heart I get it and I understand. My partner and I too have been trying for 5 years. In that time we've had 2 miscarriages, I do have PCOS with irregular periods and ovulation so complicates the TTC lark just that bit further. Regardless of the reasons behind fertility struggles it's a heartbreakingly familiar story for alot of people.

I know for sure it's easier said than done but please be kind and patience with yourselves and each other. Its perfectly normal for you to feel mixed emotions about your brother and SIL announcing the news. (I dread announcements even though most of the time I am genuinely happy for the people/person).

Family all too often don't understand and make comments they think are positive like 'it'll be you next' or 'we're waiting for you now'! I get that they mean well but st the same time is nfuriating when we know we're doing everything in our power to make that our reality.

I know also what you mean when you get upset about people who find it 'easy' to get pregnant. Those who drink or do drugs and it just happens for them without even trying. It angers me too and I feel for the children especially when they're not wanted or loved. I just try to think because I'm having to wait so much longer than alot of people I'll love my little one ever more when they arrive because I tried so hard and for so long to have them.

Please feel free to message me. Even if it's just to get things off your chest. You're not alone in this xxxxxx

 

[Angel022605]

Hey Angel,

Sorry to hear you and you're husband are struggling and losing faith. I can say with all my heart I get it and I understand. My partner and I too have been trying for 5 years. In that time we've had 2 miscarriages, I do have PCOS with irregular periods and ovulation so complicates the TTC lark just that bit further. Regardless of the reasons behind fertility struggles it's a heartbreakingly familiar story for alot of people.

I know for sure it's easier said than done but please be kind and patience with yourselves and each other. Its perfectly normal for you to feel mixed emotions about your brother and SIL announcing the news. (I dread announcements even though most of the time I am genuinely happy for the people/person).

Family all too often don't understand and make comments they think are positive like 'it'll be you next' or 'we're waiting for you now'! I get that they mean well but st the same time is nfuriating when we know we're doing everything in our power to make that our reality.

I know also what you mean when you get upset about people who find it 'easy' to get pregnant. Those who drink or do drugs and it just happens for them without even trying. It angers me too and I feel for the children especially when they're not wanted or loved. I just try to think because I'm having to wait so much longer than alot of people I'll love my little one ever more when they arrive because I tried so hard and for so long to have them.

Please feel free to message me. Even if it's just to get things off your chest. You're not alone in this xxxxxx

Thanks so much for your reply. It’s good to hear I’m not alone. May have said it in my post but he has low sperm.

 

[sunflower7sd]

Had a break down between yesterday and today. Found out last night my brother and his wife are expecting their first child after coming off BC back in the summer. While I am happy for them I’m also deeply depressed it’s not me and DH making that announcement. We have been TTC our first little one since 2015. Been to a fertility clinic and his sperm is so low our only chance according to the Dr is IVF($$). While we’re happy for my brother and his wife and congratulated them we still hurt. I’ve seen physical tears fall from his face as he cried out to the Higher Power “why”. I too cried physical tears of pain and heartache to the Higher Power “why”. DH is 36 and I’ll be 36 in July. We have lack of faith in the Higher Power. We feel like no one is listening. We feel it’s unfair that people can get pregnant while drinking or on drugs. We don’t under why people get pregnant to turn around and either sexually abuse children or physically abuse them or mentally and emotionally abuse them. Us trying for so many years only to have BFN every time hurts. It brings on depression really bad to the point he looses interest in general foreplay. There was one point one month he didn’t even want to just make out with me because he knew it’d leave to sex and he was too depressed for sex. I only wanted making out. This hurt me. I cried myself to sleep many nights. We’re deeply depressed. Hurting. Would love to chat with someone who has been in our shoes. Much hugs and encouragement needed. Thanks for listening.

Although I have not experienced your exact position. I know depression and marital emotional issues.

I'm so sorry it's such a heartbreaking heartache right now. Just such a low time.

I just want the two of you to reconnect. Sending love, and praying for you.

Hugs.

PS. God is faithful!

 

[Nixnax]

Hiya,

I completely understand how you feel. We've been trying since 2017, with no success whatsoever. My DH suffers from an ejactulation issue, as in he doesn't. He is completely off sex, as he doesnt see the point in it. We've finally been referred for treatment after years of me trying to persuade my doctor. They just wouldn't listen.

Since we have have been trying, I've had to sit and watch 3 of my best friends have 2 children each... it's been heartbreaking. It seems everyday I see a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook. I am really happy for them all but it is truly git wrenching.

I hope you can recover as a couple and find your love for each other again, as that is the most important thing. TTC can break a relationship, please dont let it get to that point, you need each other in times like this.

Lots of luck to you and big hugs

 

[Sandeeng84]

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my thread. I’ve had to to forum name change because for some reason I couldn’t get into my account. I used to be known as angel0226 on here. Thanks again for replying.

 

[DuckyBlue]

Hey Angel!
I'm sorry you feel so down. Ttc for a long time is exhausting and frustrating. My partner and I have been ttc our first child for almost 9 years - it'll be 9 years this weekend. He doesn't have any fertility problems. According to my doctor I don't either but my cycles are so irregular that it can be hard.
Seeing people we love and care about announce pregnancies is one if the hardest things. We adore all our nieces and nephews but it's not the same!
Many nights I cry myself to sleep wondering why. Why can't we have the family we so desperately want? Why does it seem like everyone else can get pregnant easily?
Honestly a lot of the time I blame myself. I feel like it's clearly something wrong with me or that I'm being punished for something. I know that's silly but sometimes my mind thinks too much about why we still haven't been able to conceive.
We've not tried IVF, mainly due to cost. We've talked about adoption. My partner, D, and I have always wanted to adopt, even if we had biological children. His mother is firmly against adoption but just last night D and I started talking again about adoption.
I think the hardest part for me is hearing people ask us when we're going to start a family. Whilst I know they mean we'll, they don't see the pain and disappointment each time we get that negative test.
I just want to let you know that I understand your frustration and pain. Hope you're OK

 

[Angel022605]

Hey Angel!
I'm sorry you feel so down. Ttc for a long time is exhausting and frustrating. My partner and I have been ttc our first child for almost 9 years - it'll be 9 years this weekend. He doesn't have any fertility problems. According to my doctor I don't either but my cycles are so irregular that it can be hard.
Seeing people we love and care about announce pregnancies is one if the hardest things. We adore all our nieces and nephews but it's not the same!
Many nights I cry myself to sleep wondering why. Why can't we have the family we so desperately want? Why does it seem like everyone else can get pregnant easily?
Honestly a lot of the time I blame myself. I feel like it's clearly something wrong with me or that I'm being punished for something. I know that's silly but sometimes my mind thinks too much about why we still haven't been able to conceive.
We've not tried IVF, mainly due to cost. We've talked about adoption. My partner, D, and I have always wanted to adopt, even if we had biological children. His mother is firmly against adoption but just last night D and I started talking again about adoption.
I think the hardest part for me is hearing people ask us when we're going to start a family. Whilst I know they mean we'll, they don't see the pain and disappointment each time we get that negative test.
I just want to let you know that I understand your frustration and pain. Hope you're OK

Thank you for replying
My DH blames himself. He feels we’re being punished. I’m about to have 2 nieces and currently have a nephew. I agree it’s not the same. We have looked at fertility treatments in the past but only hope is IVF too expensive
Adoption is costly too where I’m from. I agree the hardest part is when family asks us about having kids and they mean well but the pain is still there. Thanks again so much for sharing.

 

[Teafor2]

We have been trying for 15 months, which I know is not long compared to some other people but sometimes it feels like it’s been forever. I haven’t gotten pregnant once during that time. Not even a late period.

In the time we’ve been ttc I’ve had 6 friends get pregnant; 1 who’s already had the baby, 2 due next month. Part of me is even jealous of the friend that had a miscarriage because at least she can get pregnant.

I think what really did me in was when a couple we’re friends with that were struggling with PCOS and poor sperm quality conceived. I’m really happy for them, but I know that those issues combined can cause a lot of problems. It made me think like really? Are we really struggling that much that I’m STILL not pregnant and they are??

I feel horrible for even feeling that way but I can’t help it. It only really kicked in this past week. Before that I feel like I was coping with everything fine and didn’t really have jealousy, but I guess I’ve hit my tipping point.

 

[Angel022605]

We have been trying for 15 months, which I know is not long compared to some other people but sometimes it feels like it’s been forever. I haven’t gotten pregnant once during that time. Not even a late period.

In the time we’ve been ttc I’ve had 6 friends get pregnant; 1 who’s already had the baby, 2 due next month. Part of me is even jealous of the friend that had a miscarriage because at least she can get pregnant.

I think what really did me in was when a couple we’re friends with that were struggling with PCOS and poor sperm quality conceived. I’m really happy for them, but I know that those issues combined can cause a lot of problems. It made me think like really? Are we really struggling that much that I’m STILL not pregnant and they are??

I feel horrible for even feeling that way but I can’t help it. It only really kicked in this past week. Before that I feel like I was coping with everything fine and didn’t really have jealousy, but I guess I’ve hit my tipping point.

I feel your pain. I had a friend who had an ectopic pregnancy and lost that tube needless to say. And as you know it cuts the chances in 1/2 basically because only one tube to deliver the egg from the ovary. She got preg from ONE tube. Had another friend a few years ago got preg without even trying and both her and her husband are very overweight. I too feel jealous in both situations. praying for a miracle. Thank you for replying.

 

[Pot_pie]

Hey lovely. I can remember feeling like this when I first wanted to start a family around 15 years ago. My former husband and I TTC'd for 4 years before seeking help. Then we had all the tests, two IUIs and then started the IVF journey on the state healthcare system. While I was waiting, I used my private health insurance to get investigated for endometriosis, which it turned out I had. I got that removed and shortly afterwards had the IVF and that failed. All the while, over 5 years of not one successful pregnancy, I saw friends have one, two, sometimes three children with apparent ease and I got very down. A few months after the IVF, I went on holiday for three weeks and decided to distract myself with that and actually have some fun, drink some wine, go to a spa with the ladies etc...and a week after I got back, I randomly took a HPT (I was a few days late but I thought that was from the travelling) and it was a BFP. He grew into Thomas, who is now 10. Two years later, I conceived Cameron and 9 years after that I'm pregnant again!

All the best to you. I hope my story gives you hope. I was at rock-bottom at several points but I'm glad I didn't give up. Lots of love xxx

 

[Angel022605]

Hey lovely. I can remember feeling like this when I first wanted to start a family around 15 years ago. My former husband and I TTC'd for 4 years before seeking help. Then we had all the tests, two IUIs and then started the IVF journey on the state healthcare system. While I was waiting, I used my private health insurance to get investigated for endometriosis, which it turned out I had. I got that removed and shortly afterwards had the IVF and that failed. All the while, over 5 years of not one successful pregnancy, I saw friends have one, two, sometimes three children with apparent ease and I got very down. A few months after the IVF, I went on holiday for three weeks and decided to distract myself with that and actually have some fun, drink some wine, go to a spa with the ladies etc...and a week after I got back, I randomly took a HPT (I was a few days late but I thought that was from the travelling) and it was a BFP. He grew into Thomas, who is now 10. Two years later, I conceived Cameron and 9 years after that I'm pregnant again!

All the best to you. I hope my story gives you hope. I was at rock-bottom at several points but I'm glad I didn't give up. Lots of love xxx

thank you for replying. I’m starting to think I should relax and take my mind off this. All we hear in our head is the biological time clock since we’re both 36

 

[mimi4]

thank you for replying. I’m starting to think I should relax and take my mind off this. All we hear in our head is the biological time clock since we’re both 36

Your age is only one of the factors that might impact the result. For sure, everyone knows young people who have some health issues, and ladies who are at advanced maternal age with no issues at all.