Anyone else feel worthless?

[GreyGirl]

I don't think this all the time, but I get sad periods where I just feel utterly and totally worthless. I've had episodes of feeling like that in the past before baby (never had great self confidence, was in my twin sister's shadow my whole life) but it's never been so strong as since I had my baby girl.
Don't get me wrong, most days I'm happy (tired, but happy) and I do truly adore my DD. We had a rocky start bonding wise after my BF journey and my guilt and grief at failing miserably at that. I didn't feel that immediate rush of love I expected. Thankfully we're well bonded now.
I just, sometimes feel worthless and unworthy. Unworthy when I get frustrated or raise my voice in frustration to LO. I was LTTTCAL and am thankful every day we were able to conceive.
An example of a down time was I deleted over 50% of my pictures on FB because I thought "who would be interested in my life. I'm not worth noticing. I'm 'just' a Mummy. I don't matter."
Sometimes I'm in awe of what my body has done. I've got less body issues than before because I'm aware of the miracle of childbirth and growing them...but as myself, I just feel like I don't matter any more. I knew my needs would go down the list, I'm happy to look after my baby...I don't know, I just feel like I'm not worthy of love from my husband or baby. We've only had sex a few times since giving birth. We're both so tired, so I guess that doesn't help. I want to reiterate, I don't always feel like this, just sometimes. Is that normal? Most of the time I'm content and happy.
Sorry for the pitiful nature of my thread, I guess I'm just hoping I'm not alone in having times like this. Please don't tell me I'm alone or a freak.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

You are not alone, I have been feeling a bit down since lo was born. Had him by c-section, so still recovering from that, lack of sleep & feeling like I am not going to do a good job. I also have not had that rush of unconditional love I thought I would have when I first saw him & it makes me feel horrible, this is actually the first time I am admitting it out loud & it makes me feel so sad that I am now sat here crying

I hope this feeling passes soon for both of us!

 

[twobecome3]

once a month for a few days around when my period would be I feel like utter crap. im bfing and no actual period but I still get the pms feelings of doom. are you bfing? maybe hormones? or just lack of sleep? making sure I eat something every couple hours helps my mood as does daily excersise. I found that facebook made me more sad than happy so I logged off there a long time ago. as for the sex life -its hit or miss. im rarely in the mood as of late. I make sure we're intimate at least 3 times in a week tho so i don't worry about it.

 

[Bun87]

I didn't feel that rush of love either - it has taken time for me to bond with my llittle boy. It does get better and I am completely head over heels with him now, you just have to give it time.

You are definitely not worthless, you are a beautiful mummy trying your hardest. I have down days all the time but tthey are cancelled out by the lovely happy days x

 

[pinklightbulb]

It took me a while to get used to identifying as someone's Mummy and dealing with everything it involved. Some days I felt like I was useless and I wasn't doing anything important. I also have OCD though so I don't know if the anxious thoughts were because of that. I spoke to my GP who referred me for mental health help, and it really made a difference

 

[AnneD]

Yes. I love my baby more than anyone in the world, but I feel she deserves a mother who isn't constantly depressed, crying or on the verge of tears, impatient. And a father who'd actually spend some quality time with her. I feel I'm a burden on everyone and my baby would be better off without me.

 

[Amber3]

I also grew up in the shadow of my twin. I was quite late finding my place in the World. I became a christian and realized (it is still a process) that I am priceless, beloved and valuable. Being a mother is the most valuable thing you can be in this World and being able to have babies is an amazing thing. I know that Deep Down you know all this, but it is important to fight that voice in your head which says something else. I also think it might be good for you to talk to someone. Maybe even a psycologist, they can be a wonderful help and usually help you understand yourself better.
I wish you and your family all the best
Amber

 

[baileybubs]

I occasionally have these feelings too, especially on days when Emilia just seems upset all day and I dont seem to be able to comfort her.
I think a lot of it can come down to hormones balancing out after being pregnant and giving birth. I think its fairly normal to feel like this, but it doesnt make it any easier. What I try to do is just look at my daughter and realise that I cannot possibly be worthless if I managed to co-create, grow and protect this perfect little baby and am now doing everything in my power to look after her and keep her safe, and thats pretty damn good lol!

 

[Jendra]

You are not alone, I have been feeling a bit down since lo was born. Had him by c-section, so still recovering from that, lack of sleep & feeling like I am not going to do a good job. I also have not had that rush of unconditional love I thought I would have when I first saw him & it makes me feel horrible, this is actually the first time I am admitting it out loud & it makes me feel so sad that I am now sat here crying

I could have written this.

It took some time to bond with my baby boy. I was so exhausted from my failed induction and my c section. I was tired afterwards too. My milk delayed coming in, I had to go back to the hospital for two nights away from my baby and I kept thinking, "Oh my God, I've made a mistake. What have I done? I can't do this. I can't be his mother." It made me feel terrible that I didn't love him.

Now I do. It's taken two months, but I do. It's built slowly and it's still building. Don't be so hard on yourself. There is not a universal motherhood experience. All women fall in love with their babies immediately... in the movies. In real life, it's a much more varied thing. You're normal, and a good mother.