Anyone else get fed up of.....

[coz]

Anyone else get fed up of people asking why your having a section and then followed by ' oh you should go natural' and then why its so much better going natural then ive just had someone say to me ' oh your cheating' Ive had enough now, i think everyone should do whats right for them no question x

 

[beegray]

my c-section was emergency (i really wasnt fussed how Olivia arrived as long as she did safe and sound) and i had alot of comments afterwards saying sorry for the c-section and that they sorry i didnt get to "birth her properly" and that i would have loved the actual child birth experience... i just kept waving them off saying i enjoyed it, everything went smoothly and she was safe and healthy. Honestly, your baby, your body you are mommy and that should be enough for everyone else.

 

[spunky84]

While I am trying for a vbac, I couldn't agree more. Nobody really wants to have surgery, but it's about getting baby out safely (as well as the safety for the mom in situations).

I feel like the general attitude towards c sections is one of the contributing factors as to why I struggled so much with having mine. Though I would do it all over again if I had to. I'll be bummed if I don't get my vbac, but I'll do whatever needs done for baby to be safe.

I don't know how much is just ignorance or knowing little about c sections or how much of it is the "I'm better than you because I had a vaginal birth". I'm not saying many are the holier than thou types, but we see it amongst pretty much every parenting style there is, and have actually seen it in regards to vaginal vs c section.

My husband, of the ignorant type because he's just clueless lol actually told me that I didn't technically give birth to DD because she was cut and removed from me by a doctor; I didn't push her out. This was a concept I had a hard time getting past in the early days after my c section as I felt like a failure and like I didn't give birth, but I have a much better outlook on it now.

I explained that just because I didn't push her out of my vagina doesn't mean I didn't give birth. He actually challenged me and told me to look up the definition of birth I did and he felt a little abashed.

Then last night he was saying that he hopes I can have a vbac because I was robbed of the birthing experience with DD. I had to correct him again that I still had a birthing experience, just not in the traditional way that I would have liked. You give birth. It's an experience. It's a birthing experience. Regardless of how they come out.

So I really think the attitude is so much about ignorance and not really knowing about or understanding c sections.

It really does feel frustrating when people say those types of things. It's not cheating. I bet if they had a c section and had to go through the recovery process of a c section, they'd definitely not think it's cheating. You have to do what you're comfortable with and to hell with what everyone else says or thinks.

 

[coz]

Thanks Guys, I am having one of those days today where i just cant stop crying and feeling super sensitive , i should come with a caution sign or something LOL

 

[sammynashley]

Me! Me! Me! I'm so fed up of comments, I'm due to have my 3rd section this month and even my best friend classes me as "too posh to push" which isn't the case atall my first wast an emergency cs, my 2nd I tried to vbac but failed and this one my consultant advises that's it's safer for a 3rd section rather than birth with my history.

I find everyone has their opinion which is fine but I find most of the comments I get are people that have given birth naturally and think they are above me because they think I got it easy which as you know is so not the case. It really winds me up and gets to me.

 

[lisa1980]

don't let anyone make you feel bad. It's nothing to do with anyone else really. I genuinely don't understand why anyone else cares which specific orifice your child comes out of

I must say though, I think I may be abnormal because I absolutely loved my sections (elective more than emergency admittedly). I found them pretty easy and the recovery fine and I didn't feel at all cheated or disappointed. In fact, the thought honestly never occurred to me until I saw threads on this forum about it! I don't feel any less of a mother or woman because my baby didn't come out of my vagina In fact, I felt like a warrior - getting that baby out safely even though it involved cutting me open I'd have let them cut my arm off as long as it meant my baby arrived ok.

I have had people IRL say things to me about 'cheating' or being 'too posh to push' but to be honest it doesn't offend me because I feel like i DID get the easy option (because I was lucky and had an easy time of it...I know most people don't find sections easy and the recovery can be really hard so it isn't an easy option in most cases). But I feel quite happy about being lucky enough to find my births pretty calm and trauma-free. When people are bitchy about it I feel quite smug tbh I've had perineal surgery before (not birth-related) and that was AWFUL. The recovery was awful and the complications much worse. I look back on the sections very fondly compared to that!

I think I've always viewed the birth process as something to just get through as quickly and safely as possible to get to the good bit - the baby! I don't mean to negate how you're feeling, just giving you my perspective on it

 

[coz]

ahhh thanks guys, love these comments, made me feel much better. Eeeekkk 1 day to go xxx

 

[lisa1980]

Woo exciting! Good luck, let us know how it goes

 

[broodymrs]

How ridiculous, it's definitely not cheating. I had a 36 hour labour followed by emcs which then obobviously had the recovery period. People who class it as cheating have clearly never been through it! Try to ignore them hun, you're an amazing, strong mummy for bringing your child safely into the world

 

[coz]

Thanks Guys, i will let you know how it goes xxx

 

[mh_ccl]

My husband, of the ignorant type because he's just clueless lol actually told me that I didn't technically give birth to DD because she was cut and removed from me by a doctor; I didn't push her out.

Smack him. Tell him it's from me.

This reminds me of my DH, who recently told me I'm a stay-at-home mom. I have a full-time job, I am just currently telecommuting instead of going in to my office because I'm dealing with SPD and uncomfortable. (and frankly, because I can!) He doesn't get why I'm upset.

 

[george83]

To be honest I never realised how horrific c sections were until I had my own and my own sister had been through one but I obviously didn't pay much attention to her recovery!

I temember reading a link to a blog on here over c section awareness week/month which really struck a chord with me as it was like she was repeating my own personal experience - the lady was hitting back at critics and commented on how many people had criticised her for having an emergency section, her response was that it saved her's and her child's life, on her babies agpar scores he initially scored 2 which she quoted as meaning on 3 out of 5 categories her son was classed as "not alive". Without the c section neither he nor would have survived so she doesn't class it as cheating but a life saving miracle! This was exactly the situation I was in right down to identical agpar scores at 1,2 and 5 minutes and I would love to have been able to show her blog to anybody who questioned me.

Good luck with your c section - hoping it goes well! x x

 

[atleastthree]

Unfortunately people always find ways of putting others down, even going as far as commenting on what birthing experience is 'easier', without knowing anything about it! I had a c-section in Aug '13 and scheduled for by repeat in Aug '15. I'm tired of having to explain to people why I had a c-section 2 years ago and why I would not have a VBAC... I know the love I have for my DD, and it has NOTHING to do with how I delivered her. The important thing is to have a healthy mother and baby at the end of it all - who cares what know-it-alls think?!

Praying for a smooth and pleasant birth for you, hun!

 

[mummy2be...]

Unfortunately I think the stigma is attached to elective sections rather than the emergency ones, and I have to admit, I myself wonders why anyone would have a MAJOR stomach op for no reason at all.

When I was in hospital having my second there was a girl on my ears who was DETERMINED to have a section, there was nothing wrong with her, her consultant was basically telling her she was being ridiculous because there was no need at all for it! And in her words "why would I bother doing the hard work when there is an easier option". And because of people like her c section mummies will forever be judged.

I had a section with number 2 which literally saved her life and I'm grateful for it everyday.

 

[m nonie]

Nothing worse then folk saying rubbish like that, I've ended up having the explain why I'm choosing to have a c-sec this time. I need to know I'm in control as I had none last time, I have no memories for 3 days and DH wasn't allowed in the room (the hospital didn't tell him DS had been born for a hour, until he started to panic and demanded information). My twin understands a bit but hers was planned, but the rest of my family really don't get it. It's your decision no one has the right to judge and cheating it definitely is not, it's damned hard after a c-sec.

 

[coz]

Thanks Guys, we are doing really well after my section, ive posted my story on a seperate thread in this section x

 

[lisa1980]

Congrats! Will check out your other thread.

 

[bitethebullet]

It's strange- I encounter people who tell me 'oh you should really try a vaginal birth, remember c-section is major surgery and shouldn't be taken lightly', then on the other hand I get 'oh so you're too posh to push, want to take the easy route'!!! Argh. It really grates on me too. My husband's colleague was really disapproving when he heard I delivered my first by c section (even though she was breech at 42 weeks!). For me, the decision was easy when the doc said the outcome was thought to be slightly better for a breech baby delivered via c section versus one delivered vaginally.

 

[bitethebullet]

My husband, of the ignorant type because he's just clueless lol actually told me that I didn't technically give birth to DD because she was cut and removed from me by a doctor; I didn't push her out.

Smack him. Tell him it's from me.

This reminds me of my DH, who recently told me I'm a stay-at-home mom. I have a full-time job, I am just currently telecommuting instead of going in to my office because I'm dealing with SPD and uncomfortable. (and frankly, because I can!) He doesn't get why I'm upset.

My husband made a similar comment to this once- he said 'well technically she was removed from you not born of you!' Good job I'm not a sensitive type!

 

[Bug222]

Yup- technically my first was classed as "elective" even though it was a medical necessity due to a spinal malformation that causes my pelvis to twist as baby grows. I got a lot of comments about how I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of labour.... At the time it upset me a lot especially since I had been in constant excruciating pain daily since 25 weeks. I had a hard time getting over the guilt i associated with "taking the easy way out" after his birth. Starting to struggle with some of the same feelings this time around- especially when I get questions from people about why I "don't want" to try for a vbac.

Congrats Coz!!!