Anyone else scared of TTC again?

[Rowan75]

I just cant imagine that its going to end well....it feels so cold and clinical that we cant get tests until our 3rd mc...it makes me feel so wierd about ttc

does that make sense?

x

 

[Round2]

I totally understand. I'm finding that I'm actually enjoying this limbo stage of waiting for the bleeding to stop. I'm not stressing about TTC and I'm not in fear of being pregnant.

Every time I think about being pregnant again, my stomach turns into knots. It's like I know already that it will end badly.

After my first MMC, I was so full of hope and anxious to get pregnant. This time, I'm just numb to the idea.

 

[Rowan75]

Thanks for replying hon - I'm so sorry for your losses

I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way (but not glad that you are feeling this way iykwim)

we need to be re referred to our fertility clinic as they took us off the books after bfp and I want to put it off until Jan whereas DH wants to wait a couple of weeks and then be referred again. I'm pretty sure I dont want to give up but I'm just so wary about ttc again and it feels cruel to try to create life again only for the poppet not to survive - but then I suppose there is a chance that it may be ok?! It concerns me that both of our poppets died on the exact same day of gestation and leads me to think that its not a coincidence and I feel like a 3rd would be almost like an experiment and we'd be waiting for it to go wrong? But I would hope a 3rd would feel just as precious as the first 2

sorry Im rambling on! I'm not sure how to get past these feelings and turn them into something positive....time I suppose? Are you going to wait to try?

x

 

[Round2]

Ramble away!!

I will be trying right away. But that's only because I have a little girl at home pleading with me each day to give her a little brother or sister. If I didn't have her, then I would be in no rush at all.

My losses were both at around the same time as well. First was 8.5 weeks, second was 9 weeks. I keep thinking there must be some reason why my babies die the week that their placentas are suppose be built. Doctors say bad luck, but I'm not accepting that answer yet. The hard part is getting to the point when the heart starts beating. I seem to have no problem getting that far.

I just got my appointment arranged with the FS today. It's only a 3 week wait, which is unheard of in Canada. I'm a little nervous, I worried because I've had a healthy pregnancy that they won't take me seriously.

 

[Mommy2be20]

Hopefully I'm not intruding, I don't completely fall in the same category as you lovely ladies. I had an ectopic pregnancy in March, lost my little bub and my right tube. So, I'm not only petrified of another loss of a little one, but my only remaining tube. Right after my surgery, I was so eager to try again, but now that the time is really here, I'm scared. I want nothing more than at least ONE child, I won't get greedy as my odds aren't very good, but it's a rollercoaster a lonely one at that. I keep hearing "oh, you'll get a very early scan, they'll catch another ectopic sooner", that doesn't put my mind at ease. It'll tell me a)my last and only tube is garbage and b)another loss I sometimes wonder if this is karma, if I did something terrible in my lifetime that I'm being punished for in the biggest way possible, it's truly depressing.
BUT at the end of the day, I won't know what's gonna happen unless I try. It could go one way or could go the other ..
to both of you, I sympathize to no end

 

[nicb26]

i'm sorry for your losses ladies.

i am scheduled for d&c on monday. planning to ntnp over december, then start trying properly in january. but yes, i am so scared of ttc again. scared of failing and not conceiving again for ages, terrified of mmc again if i do get pregnant. but also scared of after monday, when i wont be pregnant anymore. i suppose im not pregnant now really, but my baby is still with me.

i wish i could just ntnp after this is all over but i know i wont be able to do that, i will have to know we are doing all we can to get pregnant again.

good luck with the future everyone xx

 

[Rowan75]

big hugs mommy2b20 and nic x

it sucks that we're all in this position it really does!

fingers crossed for your FS app round 2 - I hope they listen and are helpful

I suppose we're going to all have to be brave and keep some hope in reserve as we'll never know what could have been if we dont try

big hugs and sending courage, empathy and babydust x

 

[angelcake71]

Hopefully I'm not intruding, I don't completely fall in the same category as you lovely ladies. I had an ectopic pregnancy in March, lost my little bub and my right tube. So, I'm not only petrified of another loss of a little one, but my only remaining tube. Right after my surgery, I was so eager to try again, but now that the time is really here, I'm scared. I want nothing more than at least ONE child, I won't get greedy as my odds aren't very good, but it's a rollercoaster a lonely one at that. I keep hearing "oh, you'll get a very early scan, they'll catch another ectopic sooner", that doesn't put my mind at ease. It'll tell me a)my last and only tube is garbage and b)another loss I sometimes wonder if this is karma, if I did something terrible in my lifetime that I'm being punished for in the biggest way possible, it's truly depressing.
BUT at the end of the day, I won't know what's gonna happen unless I try. It could go one way or could go the other ..
to both of you, I sympathize to no end

I know exactly how you feel hun, I had an e/p in October and lost my right tube.. and bub and I am planning to start ttc this month.. just a practice for this month really, but I am scared I will get an e/p and lose my tube, I also got told the same as you, and dont feel very reassured.. they didnt manage to save this tube, so I dont see how the other can be saved if the same thing happens..

 

[shelleney]

I know how you guys are feeling, and sympathise completely. I had an ectopic in June, and had the Methotrexate shot, rather than tube removal. We were told not to TTC for 6 months....but now we only have 3 weeks left and im scared. ive been counting down the days for so long, but now its nearly here, im terrified. what if it happens again? what if i lose a tube this time? what if i lose my baby again? i dont think i could cope!
xx

 

[bostonblonde]

So sorry for all your losses.

After two disappointments, I'm starting to feel scared about TTC too. I've never had a reassuring prenatal appointment yet. Even if I do have one, I still know things could go wrong at any moment. I don't think I'm going to be as happy next time when I get a BFP because I know how much horrible sadness and pain it can cause. It's not a thing of joy anymore, just constant worry.

Now that I've lost two, why wouldn't I lose a third as well?

This is just so much harder and much more heartwrenching than I ever thought. I am heartbroken.

 

[Rowan75]

big hugs everyone x

 

[Mommy2be20]

I took an OPK just now, out of random cause I had pinches last night and today along with some pressure, I got a nice clear line, but faint. Hoping it gets stronger within the next couple days (if it's supposed to, first time using OPKs). It's all on my "bad" side though, and still... I'm overwhelmed with excitement. I think the reality of it hit me as I was not expecting a 2nd line, I'm suddenly not so scared anymore...
ladies .. I think when the time comes, you kinda put your fears aside, don't know unless you try

 

[MrsGAnderson]

I have only miscarried once but i feel this way too. to you all, were going to ttc straight away as soon as iv stopped bleeding now and im going to use OPK's (as i got 1positive OPK last cycle and it ended in a BFP) so im hoping it will pinpoint my ovualtion day to help us out. If i fail to concieve this month I will be trying clomid again next cycle fingers crossed i wont need to.

Im so sorry youse have experienced more than one MC i cant imagine loosing another, im already heartbroken from this loss. atleast it helps having others in the same situation. Good luck ladies xxx

 

[Mom23monkies]

I am sorry for your losses
In answer YES
I am TERRIFIED of getting pregnant again
but its something I want sooo badly
I bounce back and forth between TTC again
and just getting my tubes tied.
I keep telling myself that if I get fixed then at least I wont have to live thru a fourth devastating mc
SO yeah I am guessing this is a normal response after loss

 

[milosmum]

Right here with you ladies - halfway between terrified and desperate to be pregnant again!
Want be be pregnant before xmas ideally (ectopic in April would have been due dec, pregnany in Oct we would have been telling everyone on xmas day ) but scared that I will either Mc or have another ectopic.
Just praying that this time round it will be third time lucky - hopefully 2011 will be better for me than 2010.
Love and hugs to everyone plucking up the courage to TTC again xxx

 

[BabyBlondex]

Im feeling pretty scared of being pregnant again, the pain i went through with my MC was horrific. Im just as scared though as I feel more myself when im not pregnant, probably because i wasnt as hormonal lol. As much as I was a baby, I just dont want to put my body through the stress again ... I SO wish my OH could have the baby for me lol x

 

[sar0417]

Sorry for all your losses. Im feeling the same aswell ladies...can I join in. Im still miscarriaging now.. its been 11 days I just want it all to stop. It was my first MMC. I want to try again asap but im so terrified.

Im feeling positive and trying to pick myself up but Im guessing this fear will never be gone until I hold the next baby in my arms.. x

 

[MrsGAnderson]

yeh i know what you mean, i feel that way too. although i bet ill change my tune when im next pregnant il be too excited even though nervous. im hoping it happens for all of us soon xxx

 

[neyoandrocko]

No one knows how hard it is to cope with losses except for people who have been in that same situation. My DH already has two children. Although he was sad with my two losses, he cant empathize with me. All of my friends are parents, so they cant either. Its such a dark place that you can go to, and because of that I am so afraid that if I ever get a , I will become pessimistic and think the same thing will happen again.

 

[sar0417]

Yea I agree. Only when you have been through it you could understand the pain. I also felt like alot of my family and friends didnt know what to say to me which made it pretty awkward and lonely.

Going to keep TTC though and see what happens in 2011 x