Anyone else struggle with development threads? :(

[emaritska]

Hi all, just a brief passing moan I hope. Seen a few threads recently on baby club along lines of " what can ŷour baby do at x age?" ......followed by dozens of mummies quite rightly showing off their lo skills, however I can't help feel a little

I can't be the only one whose lo isn't doing half the things the other ones are.....

Chunk is 7months now and a real character but he isn't rolling (almost there but not quite), nowhere near sitting up (folds in half!), babbles but no discernible words like dada etc and can't lift his chest off floor well let alone be crawling!!! I'm super proud of my little man and the things he can do just can't help feel little down tha h seems behind ....

Naughty mummy for caring what he can/can do! Xxx

 

[emaritska]

Perhaps this is the place where we can share our preemies accomplishments knowing there is no judgement from others! I'm very much of the opinion every milestone is special no matter when it comes!

 

[dizz]

Yep - and we have a couple of competitive milestoners in the family too.

For what it's worth - sitting up has only really clicked in the last fortnight (just as she was turning 9 actual months), although she's always had fantastic head control from very very young (cue me being yelled at by random little old ladies for not supporting the "newborn's" head when she was about 2 months old!), and crawling - no chance at all of that happening yet... health visitor's actually delaying doing her "9 month" (really 8-12 month) check until she's nearer a year after I said I wasn't prepared to have her development marked down as an issue (and in my mind - her marked down as a bit of a failure) so soon in her life!

Part of me is enjoying her staying where I put her still since my SPD is killing me really badly - the other half is looking at these 9 month olds starting to cruise and walk with help and thinking "gawd my pelvis wants you to be able to do this"... especially since after her massive growth spurt she doesn't look at ALL prem anymore - she's actually on the tall side for a full-term 9 month old (gawd what size would she have been if she'd stayed put with a 6 foot 7 father)!

 

[AP]

Baby club is not the place to be I find for us. It's a difficult one reading the speech and development stuff, seeing kids so young doing and saying stuff my 3.5yr old Cant. If I wasn't part of the team I just wouldn't venture there anymore, but I stay brave

I hated reading (on and off BnB) the "my HV says he's advanced" stuff. I just think "you don't need that head start, why not us?!"

(I'd like to imagine no-one would shoot us down for saying these things either, this is a safe haven for us here!)

 

[dizz]

The one thing I realise is that people say almost every child is "advanced" to their parents - even when they're not. I've had to sit through people going on and on and on about how a relative's elder child is "advanced" - when in reality, I KNOW (I taught nursery/reception primarily for over a decade) she's not - she's actually slightly behind in several areas! But you just smile sweetly and play along with it.

The one that continues to get me is the misconception (and the fact it's the gobby self-rightteous brigade who shout the misconception) that we should do EVERYTHING with preemies later - including weaning, and that weaning on actual age is some kind of "wrong" - and they won't listen to the people who effing well know what they're talking about!

I was trying to get over to some of the children's centre staff a while back just how isolating it can feel having a preemie (especially if like me you don't have warm fuzzy feelings for the NICU so don't really feel you can fit in with ex NICU parents' groups - and there tends to be that mentality among some that if you've got a post-30 weeker you've got nowt to feel bad about) - you tend to get booted out of the due date crowd you were hanging around with as they're all still complaining about feeling huge and tired and what colour they're painting the nursery, but you don't really fit in with the kids born at the same date as yours since they're comparing first smiles, and crawling, and sitting and everything - while you're kind of stuck in this "shouldn't really be here yet" limbo. Plus you feel like a flipping mobile freak show when you DO get out and about!

 

[emaritska]

Thanks girls feel better knowing I'm not the only one! Totally understand the not fitting in feeling....because Ethan was 34weeks most people write that off as not really early and therefore can't understand why he might be bit behind or say "well my great uncles sisters aunties next door neighbour twice removed baby was born at x weeks and they were walking by 9months!" :/

I feel incredibly grateful that we have escaped with a short nicu stay and so far no health issues apart from bacterial meningitis at 11weeks, just get a little downhearted at baby group when I bother to show up! X

 

[Sam182]

The way I look at it, it's amazing that Alexander can do anything given his history. We are lucky that he has developed well and I am just so thankful for that. Try not to compare, hard as it is not to x

 

[mummy to be86]

i have been taught by my ot to mark the milestones doesnt not matter what age it is it is development which is great, it is disheartening seeing my friends on fb with younger babies then mine crawling walking sitting etc my twins were born 3 month earlier had alot of problems alfie is starting to drag himself round the floor and thomas is unable to do alot cant roll crawl sit etc but he developing slowly which is great they are now 15months old have been through alot

 

[vixxen]

I'm with you peeps, my baby was born practically full term but is behind in everything and still i get upset even knowing how much my lo has accomplished in her small life and how lucky i am to have her.
I just can't help feeling crap and still no real answers from docs,she may catch up after her next op she might not.
She is still a dot at 53 cms long and 10lb 11 my 2nd babe was 56cm at birth

 

[Chatterwockin]

take it all with a pinch of salt.... if you believe what people say on these threads, then half the population is doing tax returns at 6 months . seriously... when I comment I usually say about both my boys...one was early at everything the other took his time! x don't let them make you feel bad with the bull that's talked!

 

[Springflower]

I could have written your thread! I try not to read those threads now because I get stressed.

Indy has been late reaching all her milestones. Still not sitting, rolls only when we force it but tbd she can do it. And is showing no signs of hand to mouth with food.

We are lucky that we have a great hv and her hospital consultant see her every three months. Both have said as long as she keeps doing new things it's fine. Both have instructed me to ignore other babies achievements and just focus on our baby, which I'm trying to do.

xxx

 

[Foogirl]

Milestones schmilestones. Hate them. What do they even mean? Seriously, its not like they go on your C.V

".......yeah, we've narrowed it down to two candidates for the Director General's job....I think we'll go with Bob, he crawled when he was 6 months. Jim never did it til he was 9 months, obviously not up for the job....."

We never even bothered looking. Abby did what she did, when she was ready to do it. The only thing I remember actually getting excited about her doing for the first time as a baby was proper laughing. She was sitting on my dad's knee and he made her giggle. I happened to catch it on video. I have no idea how old she was, I think about 6 months. I daresay without the video I'd have forgotten that too.

The rest of it...well I've no idea what or when her first word was, when she rolled over etc etc. It became clear at a year old she was starting to have some mobility issues so we did what we needed to do. She finally crawled at 2 and a half and for sure we celebrated. Not because it was a "milestone" but because it showed there was some improvement in her condition. If she ever takes her first step we'll be equally excited.

I am bothered now that Dizz reckons everyone says other people's children are advanced, even if they are not. Cos this is what everyone says about Abby......even her nursery ladies / key worker, and her early years education lady. (actually, we do know she is a little bit bright, already I can't answer her questions!)

Don't get drawn in to a comparison. Just smile sweetly and say you're happy your little miracle has been using all their strength, just to be alive at this point.

 

[AP]

Pfffftttt . Abby is the next prime minister. True story!

PS OMG I'll see You's in 4 days

 

[mommy0629]

Yeah, I feel sort of the same way, I stay away form those threads in baby club though lol. I DO need to spend more time in here instead of just popping in every so often to offer support for those still in the NICU etc.

The thing that's really bothering me is people (family and friends) saying Oh, she doesn't look like she was a preemie, you'd never know! Now, I know they mean it in a GOOD way, but then they're expecting her to be developmentally on track also just because her size is. I LOVE our pediatrician, have had the same one since my ds was born 8 years ago, but I got a little unnerved today when she mentioned that Leah's getting that flat head in the back - well obviously she can't sit up yet, I do tummy time everyday, we all take turns holding her on our laps and talking to/playing with her so she's not constantly on her back - what else am I supposed to do?? When she asked if she rolled over yet and I said no, not even close, she looked a bit surprized

Then I have my freekin aunt, every time we see her she says to Leah, Oh, I can't wait until your crawling around! Umm, you're gonna be waiting quite a while!

I guess it just irritates me that my family is almost forgetting that she's a preemie because she doesn't look like one, ya know? Then there's the chubby comments... I swear next time someones calls my daughter chubby I'm going to mention their chub!

My little girl has started smiling a LOT and that's the best thing in the world to me right now and all she needs to do I also must brag at her acomplishment of STTN for the last month

 

[lil-lauren]

My dd was born at 38 weeks. Not a prem baby i know but i was told she wouldnt make it shed die on god knows how many occassions. T fact that she managed to overcome everything doctors said and able to lay in my arms was t biggest accomplishment she could ever need to over come! Now other babies may do things sooner. My dd sat up at 4.5months old all thouse bits she was really good at but speaking she says a few things thats it. Shes 2 and 3 months. But t way i see it is theres things and times your baby will just get things and times when they enjoy being who they are doing what they are doing. My 22 weeks pregnant and have had an awful time. Shes an iugr baby and although been cleared of infections and chromosone abnormalities once again i have been told pretty much everyweek she wont survive t pregnancy but shes overcome everything so far. T biggest goal me dh and her have to overcome is her surviving this pregnancy and looking into myeyes. Everything else will fall into place when she is ready. Noone knows when einstien (sp) done his first things and looking back now we sure as hell dont care. Theres going to betimes when we all wish our babies couldnt speak as they wont keep quiet couldnt crawl as we cant leave t room for a sec and so on. Your babies are amazing just t way they are. What isreally t need to brag and boast?

 

[AP]

Theres going to betimes when we all wish our babies couldnt speak as they wont keep quiet

Never. Sorry.
When you get to almost 4 years old with severe speech delay (one/two words) that line becomes upsetting

My blog posted last week
https://babygagasdiary.blogspot.co.uk/

 

[Foogirl]

Theres going to betimes when we all wish our babies couldnt speak as they wont keep quiet

Never. Sorry.
When you get to almost 4 years old with severe speech delay (one/two words) that line becomes upsetting

My blog posted last week
https://babygagasdiary.blogspot.co.uk/

Yup. Just like I'll never ever tell Abby to stay still for 5 minutes. I'll certainly never tell her to sit down, if she ever walks.

And yes....soooo excited.

 

[lil-lauren]

Iv just reread that and wish wasnt t word i should have used to explain myself. I was told she wouldnt be like 'normal' children. And t fact that she smiles laughs cries and gets upto no good. To me shes a 'normal' child. Im not going to dig myself a hole tring to find t right word as my brain is completely blank right now but i hope you all get what i was trying to say.

 

[AP]

Don't worry lil-lauren. It's a difficult section here now, some people manage to leave it and move on while others still deal with the repercussions of prematurity and the NICU.

 

[Foogirl]

Having a child with a disability, I still never know what terminology I'm "supposed" to use and what I'm not. The whole "normal" thing is a bit of a red herring thing. Some dislike it because the opposite word is "abnormal" which has bad connotations. But, actually, it does fit if you look at the definitions. I loved my 12 year old nephew's take on it. Abby isn't normal, or abnormal, she is Abbynormal.

It's like the term special needs, apparently there is a correct way to use it. And the word disabled isn't right either. I'm sure I've upset a great many people when I talk about Abby and used the wrong terms, but frankly, I couldn't care less. I know what I mean, and I use the language that is right for me and our situation. My motto is, I'm always going to offend someone, I might as well do what suits me.