Anyone else struggle with development threads? :(

[DonnaBallona]

Foogirl, I adore the word 'Abbynormal'!!! fantastic!


my little Jude the dude is 3 months and doing nothing yet. not holding head up, not following me with his eyes, he sometimes doesn't focus properly, nowhere near smiling and we aren't STTN yet by any means!

however, I thank my lucky stars every day he's here with me, and I'm patiently waiting for our turn with these things. I ignore ANY mother that says 'my baby can do X!' or 'my baby could do X by then, will he catch up?' purely because I really couldn't care any less. Jude is on home oxygen, ill just be happy when he's off that, stops turning blue, is able to breathe by himself-not when he rolls, sits...etc.

We are running to Jude time at the moment- and I'm trying my best to keep it that way

 

[Foogirl]

And all the better for it coming from a 12 year old too!

 

[Agiboma]

Thanks for starting this thread. When i took M home i stayed away from baby club as i could not relate to the women their my son certainly was "not" doing all the things they where ranting and raving about. Ityt helped to bring down my stress level and concentrate on helping my little guy along at his own pace. M is now 30 months and just started daycare he is way more social talks a lot more and makes me proud everyday. I still wont dare to compare him to term babies his age, i dont havet eh courage and dont want to stress him out.

 

[labmommy]

uh, yeah.....this thread made my week. Baby clubs are not for the preemie moms. I have friends with children born along with the adjusted age of my child that are sitting and playing with toys already. They were rolling across the room months ago and are now trying to scoot/crawl. On Friday my son just allowed me to bend him into a sit without screaming and arching. That was progress in my book. I take progress as milestones. When we turned in the apnea monitor, that was progress. Though, I ran out and bought an angelcare bed monitor immediately. When we no longer had to use a haberman and could drink out of Dr. Brown's was major progress. When we didn't have to feed in a sidelying and he would eat on a boppy, that was HUGE. As long as we are moving forward, we are getting somewhere. I don't know where that somewhere is, but it's somewhere his twin brother doesn't have a chance to get to because he didn't make it out of the NICU. And that...that is what is my miracle. My baby, that is moving forward on his own terms. We have a wonderful PT and OT through EI that also tell me he is showing progress.

 

[AerisandAlex]

My DS wasn't rolling or doing anything either, he was still very much an infant even after his first birthday. We contacted a group in our area called Early Intervention for some help on getting him going, he was two months premature, but at this point, I knew he needed a little push in his developmental mile stones. Afterwards, by the time he was 18 months, he was walking with their help, I'd suggest looking up something similar in your area if you're worried. It never hurts to ask for a little help

If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have been able to communicate with him either, we found out after he turned 2 that he had a problem with his ears where his ear drums weren't responding either and he needed to have surgery. With the therapists help that early intervention set him up with, I was able to talk to him through sign language and then after his surgery, together we were able to get him talking and almost caught up We even got him into school early so he can interact with other children too to help speed up his developments

Every child is different, I think DS is very smart in his own way and he's done so much with the little time he's been given If I was to compare him to my DD, I don't think it'd be very fair at all. DD has had a hospital free life, nothing wrong at all, where as DS has been in and out of hospitals since he was born, he was only 4lbs8oz when he was born at 33 weeks by emerg c-section, had aspiration issues, was diagnosed with asthma and had to have surgery for putting in tubes and removing his adenoids. For everything he's gone through and how he is now, I am very proud of him and think he's done as well as I could do for someone in his position

 

[anita665]

Hey, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here because I don't have a preemie but can relate to the delays part.

My eldest was late for most milestones and I felt it everywhere. I stopped going to mother & baby groups because everyone was showing off about what their LO could do and mine just wasn't. At 18 months he was still just crawling and there would be these 9 month olds running around. Other mums would ask how old he was and just give me a 'look' when I told them. It did really hurt and I had nothing to say about it because I had no idea what was wrong with him at that time. I thought it must be something I was doing.

I guess that people just do it partly because they're proud and partly to make sure they're normal but it's good to remember that there are lots of children who don't fit into that 'normal' catagory. I wouldn't change him for the world and I wish I'd realised it was ok that he wasn't the same much earlier. It would have saved so much hurt.

 

[dizz]

Thankfully I got out and did the baby groups early (well at about 1 month or so - was going nuts in the house) so most people there saw just how tiny she was and have continued seeing her progress... so I don't tend to get the "why's she not doing X, Y or Z" much, although I have started to get it slightly from the newer crowd who are going. The blessing is that even though she isn't crawling or trying to at all, she's very confident on her tummy - so she LOOKS just to the untrained eye like a crawler who's stopped to play with something interesting - rather than immobile and stuck!

Helps as well that we've got a couple of sets of twins who go along, who were born slightly on the early side so possibly "get" it more than most as well.

 

[vermeil]

STAY AWAY FROM DEVELOPMENT THREADS!

There I said it.

They drove me sick with worry when my son was little. They do you NO good at all. Even if your baby hit a milestone you'd start worrying about the next.

Just listen to your doctor, love and hold your precious one close, of course stimulate them but really, it`s the cuddles that our little miracles need to thrive.

proof: when my son was still in the nicu, when I was finally able to hold him at around 3 weeks, I started doing two hours of kangaroo per day. His oxygen requirements which had been steady at 65+ percent since birth quickly dropped down to about 35. Coincidence? I think not

 

[DonnaBallona]

I do have a question... when do you stop blaming the inability to do things at the same age as peers on prematurity? how old is too old...?

I have a 4 year old prem; who struggles with anything academic. I know I shouldn't have but Iv just read (and replied to) the thread in toddler club and it appears that Brooke is MASSIVLY behind and now I'm really fretting. Baby Jude being behind strangely doesnt bother me as he's crossed SO many bridges already and I'm giddy with pride enough- but Brooke is still struggling.
She was 8 weeks early.

what do you ladies think? am i just not doing enough with her; although at the moment i spend my time just trying to get through my day with 3 small children...
I feel like iv failed her now. I feel sick!

 

[25weeker]

There is a lot of research that says concentration levels etc can be affected by prematurity so I don't think you can put a timeframe on it. There is a massive thread on bliss with parents in England fighting to delay their child school start by a year because with them being born in the summer they are starting a year earlier than if they had been born at term. These children will be 4 starting school and due to their prematurity their parents do not feel they are ready.

Try not to beat yourself. I glanced at a development thread in toddlers section and people where saying their 3-4 year old child can spell their name, count to 50, say the alphabet etc. At 3 Holly can't do that and I would be certain I couldn't do it when starting school at 4 but I learned. While its great if your kid can do it TBH I want holly to enjoy her childhood so if she doesn't want to sit and learn the alphabet because she wants to play with her peppa pig then she can. Obviously there will be a time we will need to push them a bit more but 3-4 is too young in my opinion.

 

[AP]

I do have a question... when do you stop blaming the inability to do things at the same age as peers on prematurity? how old is too old...?

I have a 4 year old prem; who struggles with anything academic. I know I shouldn't have but Iv just read (and replied to) the thread in toddler club and it appears that Brooke is MASSIVLY behind and now I'm really fretting. Baby Jude being behind strangely doesnt bother me as he's crossed SO many bridges already and I'm giddy with pride enough- but Brooke is still struggling.
She was 8 weeks early.

what do you ladies think? am i just not doing enough with her; although at the moment i spend my time just trying to get through my day with 3 small children...
I feel like iv failed her now. I feel sick!

Its certainly a mix of prematurity and her IVH here. There is no other reasoning for it Somehow we are told that all should be well by two and it's not the case for all of us

While its great if your kid can do it TBH I want holly to enjoy her childhood so if she doesn't want to sit and learn the alphabet because she wants to play with her peppa pig then she can. Obviously there will be a time we will need to push them a bit more but 3-4 is too young in my opinion.

I agree! The girls aren't gonna give a monkeys about Iggle Piggle and his posse when they are 16 I think I've managed to get over my fretting and just take Alex as she is. It was a journey though but this is they way it's meant to be I guess!

 

[Foogirl]

For Abby "prem" will last a lifetime because it caused her Cerebral Palsy.

I think the "it's over by two" thing comes because at that point they can identify the long term issues. So Abby moved from prem to CP.

I think it comes down to your own interaction with others and whether you feel it necessary to explain to them why she is behind. Or whether you feel the team around the child has done enough to provide diagnosis and support.

I think sometimes there is an element of acceptance that they will never "catch up" to their peers. For us that came with her diagnosis. Having that acceptance helped us work out her strengths and her weaknesses so we could concentrate on getting the help she needed and adjust our hopes and fears for her future. I've had to accept she'll never do dance classes, something I'd love for her to experience. Instead she'll be a musical genius - just like her mammy.

 

[AP]

See, thing is, I dunno where we fit anymore. i no longer feel like I fit in this section because of the expansion but with no diagnosis or anything for now I dont feel like I fit in SN either

 

[25weeker]

Fit or not I am staying here I don't believe my journey is over yet even though everything so far has been ok. While I no longer worry the same about her immune system I am still constantly analysing things she does or how she acts incase some issues arise. School is def going to be a big test with her having a brain bleed.

I also like to give support to people starting this journey and in some cases hope that worst case scenarios don't always happen.

That and the stress of having a bun in the oven

 

[Foogirl]

You fit here, you will always fit here. I still fit here.

To be honest, the SN section doesn't always seem somewhere I fit. There never seem to be many CP mums on it, and I hardly ever get a response.

It is hard to deal with SN without a proper diagnosis. I was against getting one at first but Mr P helped me see the light. It has helped a bit. Although no-one ever knows what CP is, they seem to either mix it up with Cystic Fibrosis or they picture a profoundly disabled child. It's quite good fun to see their reaction when they actually meet her!

But, Alex is a category all by herself. She's so unique and such a superstar! Hopefully you'll find the answers you need soon though.

 

[Agiboma]

Im staying here its where we belong i feel. I agree the two years and all is well slogan is a bunch of balony in my books. I have friends that are struggling with so many different issues right across the spectrum. I am terrified about school starting and we are so behind in speech IDK what to do anymore except hope for the best.

 

[AP]

I'm so glad we have each other here, i really am!

 

[DonnaBallona]

^ I wholeheartedly agree Atomic. I feel really safe here...I often lurk because I don't feel like I know what to say; but have RECIEVED endless support when the going got tough. Brooke is now 4 and I still come here for advice!

 

[Agiboma]

To a great extent we are all we got, family and friends really dont get it. Certainly cant talk to my friends about M's development when they all got term babies. This is the only place where i dont have to hide anything i am free to say things the way they are and not feel bad or ashamed in any way.Also reassuring to know your not the only one going throught circumstances/situations iykwim.

 

[Foogirl]

That and the stress of having a bun in the oven

Whit??? Did I miss something???