Been there!!!
It is a
HORRIBLE thing to hear... that your husband is "sterile" and that your dreams of having his child are crushed!!! Words cannot explain that feeling unless you've been there!
It's like a death of some sorts.
#1... take time to "grieve" TOGETHER and make time for one another.
#2... give your hubby a little extra love: he may not show it, but I guarantee you this diagnosis hurts him more than he lets on!!!
#3... find support! It's the only thing that got me thru it all!
(this is a short version of our story)
We had been trying for 12 years when we found out... it was the WORST day of my life, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It's something you never forget! 3 years prior he was diagnosed with end stage kidney failure, and in my research of renal failure, I came across the linkage of kidney failure and infertility... and in the end it was the case for us as well. It took a while to process everything, and I withdrew into a rage-filled shell of mental hell; mad at the world and everyone in it, God included... even going as far as dumping my best friend when she told me she was pregnant.
Then the rage turned into determination to take matters into my own hands and push forward. We decided that donor sperm was the most cost-effective route for us... picking a donor that resembled closest to my husband, ordered 3 vials and poured my soul into TTC again. We used 2 vials on unsuccessful IUI's, saving the last one for when we could afford IVF. A little over a year later we did our one and only IVF round, ending a 15 year journey with twin boys (who are almost 5 now!)
Truthfully, the fact that we used donor sperm is very "hush-hush" with us. Only a
very select few know what we did, and that is the way we want it.... NOT that we are ashamed of it, but to spare our innocent children. And honestly, my husband doesn't like to talk about it, so the subject is taboo in our home. Don't get me wrong, he is a WONDERFUL father and loves those boys just like they are his real flesh and blood, because in our minds they ARE his flesh and blood! Like the saying goes "any boy can father a child, but it takes a man to be a father"... and it IS true!
Like I tell anyone that is going thru infertility.... it's all in how far you are willing to go!
You are the one that has to take control of it and
NOT let it take control of you..... I learned that the hard way! There is always a light at the end of a tunnel... it's just up to you as to which end you come out. Donor isn't for everyone, and I get that! But it was our only way to become parents, and I can't imagine life without my boys!
This thread saved my life, and my sanity! These women on there are the
strongest women I've ever "met".... and I'll never forget where I've come from!
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/problems-trying-conceive/376424-dealing-azoospermia.html
Feel free to PM me if I can help in any way!
