Anyone starting over, have grown kids?

[reba523]

Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with grown kids who are really not taking the parents starting over very well. We have grandchildren older than our youngest child and they just can't believe that we're expecting AGAIN. How do you deal with it? Our children that do not have kids yet are fine with it, the boys are fine with it, but my 2 girls that already have children say we're being selfish because we're taking away from being able to spoil the grandbabies.

Any thoughts?

Mom to..........

Bre.......25
Bill........24.....Daddy to Noah, 5
Mandy...22.....Mommy to Nova, 18 month
Kasey....21....Mommy to Luna, 4
Buck......20
Hunter...18
Kylar......2

Twins due ........7/04/14

 

[PugLuvAh]

I just wanted to say congratulations! Huge family, but if you guys love and want it, then who cares? I think the role you have as parents would be very different than the grandparent role. Maybe your youngest kids would be more like cousins to your younger grandkids--could be a really fun dynamic

 

[~Brandy~]

Both of my children are grown... my oldest 21 is pregnant with our first grandchild and were both excited that they will be so close in age! She is 7 weeks behind me.

 

[reba523]

I understand the kids' points, they are thrown off by the fact that their mom is not done and they've already started. It's great in a way, I'm still in the loop on carseats, the baby technology, etc. But, then again, like my daughter said, "It would be nice to have to explain SOMETHING to you Mom, all my friends' Moms don't know this stuff", of course my reaction was I'm not your friends' Mom either. I always wanted a large family and I really wish we hadn't quit at 6 for the 15 years that we did. I LOVE being a Mom, I've always loved being pregnant, having little ones, etc. I'm hoping they will all calm down, it's just one of the girls now. I had a heart to heart with the other one who was having an issue today. She did say her sister is a little jealous because they've been trying for over a year and I've never had any issues getting pregnant. I'm thinking it's more that rather than me having another baby.

 

[TicToc]

When I was pregnant a few years ago (ended in MC) our oldest had a problem with it, he insisted we were trying to replace him and said it to everyone. At the time he was deployed overseas and this time around he just seems fairly disinterested but doesn't have the same attitude about it that he did before. I think it was just hard for him since he was so far away an not really thrilled that he was in the army. I admit though, it pissed me off. I understand that it can be weird for adult children to suddenly have more siblings on the way but I have no patience for them when they make it all about them, as if they as grown children have the right to go out and seek a life and happiness for themselves but that their parents can't because they are automatically boxed into a role. I think it is selfish of grown children to worry about how much their parents will be able to spoil a grand-kid, I am sure no one expected them to stop and think about how having children of their own would affect their ability to be there for their parents as the years went by.

Plus, it just hurt my feelings that he said that...so now I am hypersensitive about it.

 

[sun]

Wow I think that's amazing! I don't know anyone who had babies so young (only a few people who were under 30) so I'm no help at all. Just wanted to say congrats though! Personally I think it's amazing. My kids grandparents are very "hands off" and have their own lives so to me it would be so awesome if one of my parents/in-laws was still in the baby zone! Especially if we had a similar due date! xox

 

[lawgrl]

I think it's strange that they would call you selfish. They have their own family now, why would they care that you want to expand your family and have more kids? If it makes you happy they should be happy. They are the ones being selfish. Congrats on the twins!

 

[reba523]

They're all starting to come around. My oldest just found out that she's pregnant, (due in August), and I think that helped with her. I think it was just a matter of time. Thank you for the congrats! We found out Friday that they are both boys so this is going to be fun, lol. 18 more years of trucks and cars. Will probably make it easier since my 2 yr old is a boy too! My grandmother and great-grandmother had kids together and my Mom says that there was a lot of resentment and hard feelings at first (from what she was told), but then it turned out wonderfully with the kids growing up together. I have 2nd cousins my age! I figure we will just take it one day at a time and they will all come around or get over it

 

[TicToc]

I am glad it is all cooling down! I think it will end up being a wonderful experience in the long run for your family. The thought of aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews all running around and playing together just gives me joy, and when they are older they can amaze all their friends when they tell them "this is my aunt" etc.

 

[eris]

Wow congrats! I'm sorry your girls aren't as accepting of your little ones as everyone else. Sounds like something that they are going to have to come to terms with on their own.

My girls are 15 and 17 so not officially grown and moved out yet, but my SO is newer and my older daughter is having a hard time with the baby thing. She feels that I'm trying to start a new family and leave them behind. However, I can't win on this one because when I try to include her in family stuff, she doesn't want to, but omg if I DON'T include her in stuff she gets so mad and says I'm trying to start a new family.

 

[MonyMony]

Wow congrats! I'm sorry your girls aren't as accepting of your little ones as everyone else. Sounds like something that they are going to have to come to terms with on their own.

My girls are 15 and 17 so not officially grown and moved out yet, but my SO is newer and my older daughter is having a hard time with the baby thing. She feels that I'm trying to start a new family and leave them behind. However, I can't win on this one because when I try to include her in family stuff, she doesn't want to, but omg if I DON'T include her in stuff she gets so mad and says I'm trying to start a new family.

Definitely sounds like a teen. Moods can change in an instant, it's scary...but I remember being the same way! So hard to control those hormones.

I was so worried my 15 yo son would be sad or embarrassed, and I think he might have been for a while but he never said anything which I appreciated. Now he's started to talk more openly about it. He rightly says he won't know this kid very well at first since he'll be leaving for college soon, but he does say he'll be sure to teach his new sibling the "important" stuff once he/she is older--like how to ignore Mom and Dad and do his/her own thing! At least he plans on being somewhat involved...we'll see whether it actually happens.

It's been the 6 year old we've had the most trouble with. She is very unhappy about having to share her special 4-person family. She hates changes, and she says babies just cry and aren't interesting at all. She keeps asking for us to change our minds about it. She very good at expressing herself, so she really lays a guilt trip on us.

It's hard when the closest people to you, your own children, aren't the happiest for you during a new pregnancy. Luckily our parents and sisters have been very supportive. I have to hope the family dynamic will sort itself out with time.