Anyone TTC when their partner is not as excited?

[MummaBear16]

Hello, I apologise for the long post! And please no judging!

I'm in a bit of a pickle! So I am after anyone who has been in a similar situation.

My partner (I'll call him D) and I have a 6 year old son, and I have been really wanting to try for a second. D had been saying no to more children for a while, and I have always wanted more, but didn't feel the absolute need until just over a year ago.

We had a bit of a pregnancy "scare" at the start of the year and it brought up the conversation of when I'd like to ttc. I said Jan 2016, he said a half hearted ok, but still said he didn't really want another child.

I left the subject alone until October, when I asked how he would feel if I stopped the pill. Not to get pregnant, but to be hormone free. He surprised me and said of course, if I wanted to, then go for it.

The I brought up TTC again.. I said he can indulge in his hobby, which is arcade machines and video games, with no flack from me, if he would still agree to Jan to start trying. He said ok, but made sure I knew he still didn't exactly want another child. He then went out and spent over $1000 on his hobby the next day. To me, that said he was in and agreeing. Silly me also agreed to him putting an arcade machine in our not so big lounge room! And yep, there it is... staring at me right now.. next to out TV.

I had a bit of a cry the other night, because he said again that it wasn't what he wanted, but I argued that him spending so much money and such had given me hope that it was all okay. He then comforted me and said we can still go ahead and try in Jan.

Do you think I would be crazy for going ahead with TTC, when he has still said he doesn't want more children??

Or should I take it as guy language for "Yes, I'm in" and his way of saying yes?

I don't know if he just can't picture another child, and feeling the same about them as he feels for our son, but I know he would love them just as much!

It's not like I'm one of those women tricking him in to it, he would be completely aware! I guess I am confused because it's like a half hearted "yes", but it's not a "no" either! I don't want him to be unhappy, but I also want another child so badly!

Has anyone been in a situation like this?

 

[Audraia]

My husband was hesitant with our second and not as excited and now I have talked him into a third. I say go ahead, guys a lot of times aren't as excited, if it was something he felt really strongly about he wouldn't want to try. The fact es willing to try seems to say some part of him anta another, but saying he doesn't is probably him being nervous about how it will change your lives. Good luck, and sometimes it's not just about their happiness either it's about yours too!

 

[MummaBear16]

Thank you very much Audraia! I am glad I am not the only one, that makes me feel a bit better.

Congratulations on talking him into a third!

 

[skycastles]

I'm sorry, but I laughed when I read about the arcade machine in your lounge.. it seemed a very 'guy' thing to do!
I agree with Audraia.. if a man felt really strongly about something, he would never have said yes in the first place. In fact, I showed DH your post to ask for his opinion (he sighed when he saw it was a baby forum post and reluctantly read it haha), and he said, "The guy said yes, didn't he? What's the issue?"
My only concern would be if you feel there might be a chance later on that he would unfairly accuse you of forcing him into the situation or be unsupportive during your pregnancy.. but your post doesn't give me that impression. Good luck for Jan!

 

[MummaBear16]

I'm sorry, but I laughed when I read about the arcade machine in your lounge.. it seemed a very 'guy' thing to do!
I agree with Audraia.. if a man felt really strongly about something, he would never have said yes in the first place. In fact, I showed DH your post to ask for his opinion (he sighed when he saw it was a baby forum post and reluctantly read it haha), and he said, "The guy said yes, didn't he? What's the issue?"
My only concern would be if you feel there might be a chance later on that he would unfairly accuse you of forcing him into the situation or be unsupportive during your pregnancy.. but your post doesn't give me that impression. Good luck for Jan!

Haha, it is such a guy thing! Poor me!! lol He has bought 3 more arcade machines today there goes another $1000! They are worth a heck of a lot more, so I guess I am glad he didn't pay full prices! He rang me today when I was working to tell me what he had done, and I made sure he knew he was going to have to still find room to move all of his stuff out of the spare room when a baby arrives!

Thank you very much for getting a guy's opinion on the matter! It's so great to hear his response! You are right with your concern, as that is my concern too. I think we should be okay though, I could only possibly see is being brought up on a sleepless night with a newborn, but I don't think he would mean it, and would just be lack of sleep...

 

[Take2]

How will you feel if when you actually fall pregnant and tell him and he isn't in anyway excited or enthusiastic? Ask yourself how you will deal with that possibility and him even being that way through the whole pregnancy? If you can be OK with the idea of that than go for it but if u are just hoping he will suddenly get excited when it happens u may be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache!

 

[salamander91]

I pressured my DH into #1 and always regret that he felt forced into it. When it came to our second he agreed to TTC and never indicated he wasn't ready but after we conceived he was really grumpy for a couple of weeks. He said he wasn't ready for another yet but it wasn't worth arguing with me since he was 'forced' the first time he loves both our babies and was happy about this pregnancy after a few weeks but it was really hard in those first few weeks being really happy and knowing he wasn't. I'd love to have a pregnancy OH is actually excited to hear about at first. I'm just saying beware that if you do this when he isn't sure you might not get the reaction you want at first xx

 

[MummaBear16]

How will you feel if when you actually fall pregnant and tell him and he isn't in anyway excited or enthusiastic? Ask yourself how you will deal with that possibility and him even being that way through the whole pregnancy? If you can be OK with the idea of that than go for it but if u are just hoping he will suddenly get excited when it happens u may be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache!

Thank you, I will have to think on it.. I don't know how I would feel. Our last pregnancy was not planned, so I never had to deal with the idea of him feeling forced or blaming me. I guess I almost assumed he would be similar to last time, but it's an entirely different situation.

 

[MummaBear16]

I pressured my DH into #1 and always regret that he felt forced into it. When it came to our second he agreed to TTC and never indicated he wasn't ready but after we conceived he was really grumpy for a couple of weeks. He said he wasn't ready for another yet but it wasn't worth arguing with me since he was 'forced' the first time he loves both our babies and was happy about this pregnancy after a few weeks but it was really hard in those first few weeks being really happy and knowing he wasn't. I'd love to have a pregnancy OH is actually excited to hear about at first. I'm just saying beware that if you do this when he isn't sure you might not get the reaction you want at first xx

I am very sorry you had to feel like that and thank you for sharing. So happy for you that he is happy now though. I think I may need to ask my Dp if he thinks he would be happy with it, as I would need his support and would hate to feel alone in it.