Anyone with FOB in another country?

[Jade--x]

Does anyone else have a FOB who doesn't live in the same country anymore?

He doesn't..And can't..See LO and has decided rather than being in and out of his life and upsetting LO he doesn't want to be in it at all

We've never had a problem I'm still good friends with him and I understand what he's saying..But my other LO does see his FOB and I don't want him growing up thinking badly of his Dad because he doesn't see him, or me thinking I've ever stopped him which I would never do without good cause.

I can't force him to see him but I just feel awful for my LO especially when it could possibly put a huge divide between my LO's relationship IYKWIM?

Anyone else have any similar kind of problems who can offer some advice or reassurance?

 

[Ceejay123]

I can't relate from your position, but I grew up with my Dad in a different country. He left before I can remember, and moved around the world from America to canada, German and Jamaica... I didn't meet him until I was 14. Him and my Mum had a rough time, and I know for a fact that she made him go to a contact centre to see my sister, but he refused to see me.
If it helps - I resented my Dad for it, not my Mum. He made the choice to move abroad and not try to see me, He didn't contact my Mum again until I was 13. Although it must be so hard for you and LO, know he shouldn't hold it on you. He choes a job ranging from 50k-250k, over seeing his kids which I won't ever forgive.
My friend and his brother have different Dads, he doesn't see his.. yet his brother does. There's no resentment between them over it - They're extremely close. Hopefully things work out well for you. Wish I could be of more help.

 

[Jade--x]

I don't want him to resent his Dad either though. It's not his fault he was in that job before LO was born and I suggested indirect contact where they Skype, send pics and talk on the phone etc. but he thinks it's not fair and that if he's not there completely he shouldn't be there at all and that it will be too painful for him to not be able to be there properly and he'd rather not know altogether. I know it's not an easy decision for him to make he's a good Dad just hate how things have worked out for my LO.

 

[Ceejay123]

Definitely :/ is there no chance he'll be moved closer at some point? Honestly I really do resent my dad for choosing work.. Skype.. Letters, anything.. Would have made me understand. He left 100%, and I couldn't understand that. Not even birthday cards/photos for when I was older.bi understand what you mean about feeling bad how it's worked out.

 

[teal]

I don't have any contact with my ex. I do feel that no contact is better than in and out your life contact.

 

[Shezza84uk]

My ex is posted in Germany as he's in the army when DD was a baby he saw her every 3 months or when he was back in the UK. The longest he didnt see her was 7 months and that was from Jan until recently he showed up. It is really refreshing seeing her happy to see her dad I showed her pictures of him as a way to keep the connection and she has never forgotten him, they get on like a house on fire.

When visitation is infrequent its difficult but in my case I have always told her about her daddy by making a memory book that she looks at with pictures of them as and when she wants to, it seems to have given her that reassurance that she has a father, the fact you are friends is great because maybe there is a way to get around it FOB and I had an awful breakup but I set my boundaries and he seems to be following that at the moment and its strictly about our daughter and the our son who is due soon.

 

[Jade--x]

My ex is posted in Germany as he's in the army when DD was a baby he saw her every 3 months or when he was back in the UK. The longest he didnt see her was 7 months and that was from Jan until recently he showed up. It is really refreshing seeing her happy to see her dad I showed her pictures of him as a way to keep the connection and she has never forgotten him, they get on like a house on fire.

When visitation is infrequent its difficult but in my case I have always told her about her daddy by making a memory book that she looks at with pictures of them as and when she wants to, it seems to have given her that reassurance that she has a father, the fact you are friends is great because maybe there is a way to get around it FOB and I had an awful breakup but I set my boundaries and he seems to be following that at the moment and its strictly about our daughter and the our son who is due soon.

Thanks hun I'm glad I'm not the only one in the situation. And I'm glad things are working out for you and your ex. Maybe if I tell him how it's worked out for you guys he might reconsider and want to be part of his life.x