Anyone's older children getting jealous of the 'baby stuff'?

[dom85]

My DS is 5 and is very excited to have a little brother, he asks me every day when he's going to be born and he's become very interested in babies his little cousins when we see them which is great.

However, lately he seems to be getting a little jealous or just seems a bit 'off' when new baby things arrive or if we look at baby stuff in shops. Is anyone else experiencing this and how are you dealing with it? It's not like we've been buying loads of baby stuff and not bothering to do anything with him, he gets a little toy or something if he's been good and we've just had Christmas so he's not short of new things at the moment but he doesn't have any interest in things when we go into Mothercare or something when we're out.

I don't want him to feel left out but obviously we do need to get things for the baby too, any ideas?

 

[Tanikins]

would getting him to help choose stuff help? let him open the boxes, help build stuff

 

[DrMum]

Our four year old has always been told it's "his baby", so all the baby stuff he thinks is for him to use for "his baby"!! Its worked well for him I think. Good luck

 

[misscyn]

Our four year old has always been told it's "his baby", so all the baby stuff he thinks is for him to use for "his baby"!! Its worked well for him I think. Good luck

I've been doing this with my 4 year old (5 in March) but it seems to have stopped working. I just finished work last friday and i'd been waiting to be off to start getting baby stuff. Last wknd we went over to a friend's house because she was giving me some of her daughter's old baby clothes. When we got home and went through the bag my DD had a little tantrum over a little tutu (size 6 months). She insisted on trying it on and was angry because my friend hadn't given her a new dress. I don't want DD to feel bad, but at the same time i think she needs to realize that she isn't the centre of the universe. It'a a harsh truth that everyone needs to find out, and i think sooner is better than later. I know a few people in their thirties who still don't seem to know this. Anyway i know it may kind of break your heart as a mother, but i think we can only do so much to try and shelter our children from the disappointment of not being the centre of your universe anymore. And in the long run i think children can only benefit from the life lessons that come with having siblings.

So anyway, my strategy with an almost 5 year old is to try and reason with her (she has lots of nice clothes and toys, she was once a little baby too, etc.), and not give in to buying her too many new things to make her feel better.

 

[Betheney]

i think open conversations, understanding, comfort and love will work best.

Tell them that baby needs new things and when they were babies they got lots and lots of new things too. Don't force them into something that is causing them anxiety, when my mum was preg with no.7 and was filling the baby drawers with baby clothes no.6 didn't cope to well and went and got her clothes and started putting them in with the babies. Mum just said nothing about it and let it go. No.6 eventually forgot her clothes were in there and mum quietly moved them back, no.6 was fine after this because there was no confrontation or argument and her anxieties were treated correctly by my mum.

my kids aren't acting jealously to the new baby so i guess I'm not experiencing what you are And maybe it's dumb luck or maybe it's because of how I've handled it. But everytime we go shopping i ask them what they want to buy the baby today. They get really excited and love choosing things, they're young so it's easy to sway them into choosing things i was buying anyway. I usually tell them how great it is and that the baby will love it And how nice it was they chose something for the baby and what a great big sister/brother they're going to be. Sometimes they want to play with the item. Like last week they insisted on opening a baby mirror for the car and opening it. Of course i let them, it's not a big deal and i don't think anything of the babies (i guess within reason) should be off limits. They need to feel secure and loved during such a big change.

We have frequent conversations about what baby will be like when baby is here. How we'll need lots of help with nappies and that they can help when baby is here and they can help bath baby too and baby is going to sleep lots and lots and have lots of booby. I know they'll ask for booby. My daughter did when my son was born. I just say yes and they have a little taste and then don't ask again for months.

 

[Perplexed]

My dd is too young I think but she gets excited when I open the baby's dresser and plays with his clothes. I don't think she understands that these are for her new sibling, but that this is the only set of drawers she hadnt gotten into yet as they're new.

 

[dom85]

i think open conversations, understanding, comfort and love will work best.

Tell them that baby needs new things and when they were babies they got lots and lots of new things too. Don't force them into something that is causing them anxiety, when my mum was preg with no.7 and was filling the baby drawers with baby clothes no.6 didn't cope to well and went and got her clothes and started putting them in with the babies. Mum just said nothing about it and let it go. No.6 eventually forgot her clothes were in there and mum quietly moved them back, no.6 was fine after this because there was no confrontation or argument and her anxieties were treated correctly by my mum.

my kids aren't acting jealously to the new baby so i guess I'm not experiencing what you are And maybe it's dumb luck or maybe it's because of how I've handled it. But everytime we go shopping i ask them what they want to buy the baby today. They get really excited and love choosing things, they're young so it's easy to sway them into choosing things i was buying anyway. I usually tell them how great it is and that the baby will love it And how nice it was they chose something for the baby and what a great big sister/brother they're going to be. Sometimes they want to play with the item. Like last week they insisted on opening a baby mirror for the car and opening it. Of course i let them, it's not a big deal and i don't think anything of the babies (i guess within reason) should be off limits. They need to feel secure and loved during such a big change.

We have frequent conversations about what baby will be like when baby is here. How we'll need lots of help with nappies and that they can help when baby is here and they can help bath baby too and baby is going to sleep lots and lots and have lots of booby. I know they'll ask for booby. My daughter did when my son was born. I just say yes and they have a little taste and then don't ask again for months.

This is really good advice, thank you. My OH likes to wind DS up by saying that DS will have to take care of the pooey nappies so maybe I will tell him to stop and try and be a bit more constructive when it comes to preparing him for the baby arriving.


I bought some bath toys that both boys can play with and got some toiletries that are suitable for newborns but don't look babyish and explained to DS that they can both play with the toys and use the same bubble bath and shampoo and he really liked that idea.

Will just make sure to give him lots of attention especially next week as our changing table and car seat base should be delivered