Apparently I should have counselling!

[daopdesign]

On Saturday I went up to the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) for HCG checking over a period of days to see if they rise and they are so that's good. Anyway, who do I see sat at the reception but the woman who sent me on my merry way last time telling me to stop being silly and everything will be fine! I lost my baby 3 weeks later after complaining about spotting and a weird discharge.

Because I wasn't bleeding to death and they did a 2 second scan which showed a heartbeat she basically told me to stop worrying and only contact them if I'm in severe pain.

So she's sat there with me just asking a few details and of course talking about losing my baby makes me fill up. So she turns round and says, 'I can see you are very angry still'. I said 'No, I'm not angry, it's just upsetting thinking about the baby I delivered and that if tests had been done maybe there would have been something that could have been done!'.

She then goes on to explain that it's only after another 2 m/c's that they will even do any tests. Perhaps I shoud have counselling! I don't need this at all, how can she sit there and wonder why I am hurt inside and she was the one that told me to go away!

Am I not supposed to get upset when I talk about it? How would she understand anyway, unless you've had a loss you will never know!

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry. I am the same i can't talk about Ava without getting really upset. She will never know your loss so just consider this woman insignificant
I didn't think I needed counseling but it is 7 months for me and I still am so very sad, my hospital has it for free, they meet once a week. I know it isn't much but it is something. I am going to sign myself up. For me. I just need to be around people who understand Nobody understand me , us. So for me it would be really nice if i could talk about things and have people really understand me, you have every right to be upset and i would have told that woman to mind her business. I think that people in the medical field see this so much that it gets to be normal for them. I am so sorry you had to go through that.
XOXOXOxxxOXOXOXO Thinking of you

 

[mhazzab]

oh my god, she sounds horrible!

I'm just 16 weeks into this journey, but I reckon there will always be times, when talking about what happened will make you well up, even years down the line. I don't think that means you need counselling, it's just natural to get upset soimetimes.

She sounds very insensitive, can you ask to speak to someone else next time? She's the last thing you need.

xx

PS congrats on your pregnancy, I'm glad things are looking good so far

 

[daopdesign]

She has worked in there for years I think and has probably seen it happen all to often! A bit of sympathy wouldn't have gone a miss lol! I have an apt come through today for the 2nd of November so this is with my consultant They probably know what there doing! x

 

[rachjim98]

First let me give you a big Hug!!! I am so sorry for your loss and especially the lack of compassion from this nurse! Like you said some people and sad to say even family do not have a clue!
After our loss I was very reluctant to go to counseling in my mind I could do this on my own in my own time and things would be OK. or at least as OK as they could be after going through. It was on here that a friend suggested it to me again, so one day I went. I choose to go to a group for families who lost their unborn babies. At first I just sat and listened then one day I chose to tell my story and the support I received from women who had been right where I was .. The heaviness I had carried around was some what lighter. I continued to go and hopefully my story and my support had helped another Mom who came in there feeling the same as me.
I hope you choose what is right for you and I would ask for a different person to help next time or tell her to show some damn compassion!!

 

[angel jayvian]

So sorry for your loss hunz....I know exactly how you feel iam so angry at the fact that they have to wait for something like this to happen and sometimes more then once for them to take action.. It gets me upset because we knew something was wrong but for them we were overreacting .
And how dare they say they wait for more than one misscarage like its not a big deal ugh...

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with her, she sounds like an awful bitch. I don't care that they see it all the time and it hardens them, some folk I just wonder why the hell they go into their proffessions? Why be a nurse or midwife if you don't care what happens to other people?

Even if it hadn't been her that sent you away, you'd be upset talking about your lost baby one way or the other, that would just have made it all the worse, i doubt I'd have been able to keep my temper with her, sounds like you were very strong.

Counselling may be a good idea, not because then she can put you in your box, but because it may help you greive but it should be your decision, not because she says so. Grrr.

Hugs xxx

 

[SabrinaKat]

I went to counselling a few months after my mc, and it was really helpful. However, the m/c brought up a lot of other unresolved grief from earlier -- I had had a partner die suddenly when I was in my mid-20s and never really dealt with it, and I met my counsellor every two weeks for about a year, and now, once a month -- however, she is a cognitive behavioural therapist and we go through ways to deal with grief, e.g. writing things down, etc., and it has helped me.

However, it's not for everybody and that's okay, too. I still cry sometimes when I think about the m/c or hear about others' misfortunate and that's okay, at least, we all have retained a sense of compassion and that's good, most of the time.

best wishes (and that woman is horrible, SHE might deal with it all the time, but WE don't!!)