Are we being unfair to my brother? could use some answers

[Jazzycat123]

My brother moved in with us and his two kids as well. The reason he did is because frankly he cannot afford to live by himself and he needs me to watch his kids after they get off from school. He told us he would pay half the rent which he hasnt successfully done since he moved in with us and we have bought all the food in the house as well as paying for electricity. I also ask no money for taking care of his kids ( not that I would, they are my niece and nephew). The only thing we ask is he doesn't drink because honestly he is an alcoholic. The other night at 3am he walks drunkenly into our room, ( i think he was about to pee in our room because he mistakes it for the bathroom). My husband wakes up and tells him to get the hell out of our room. We were awake the rest of the night. We have a 5 month old that sleeps in our room and luckily he didn't wake him up as well. My husband told him the next morning,I am not going to lecture you but we are a no tolerance house. No alcohol at all, if this is a problem then this situation is not going to work out. We haven't told anyone about him not paying bills and coming into our room in a drunken stupor but he has gone around playing the self persecuted innocent person. Given what we are doing I don't think we are asking too much for him to not drink himself into a stupor.

 

[Sqwidge]

I don't think you're asking too much re the alcohol. If he can't agree to that then I would be inclined to ask him to leave.

If he's working though, and not contributing to anything financial, that needs to be addressed. That's not fair or right for him to be taking advantage of you guys.

Hope you manage to get it sorted out x

 

[emyandpotato]

No you're being more than fair! Why has he got full custody of the children if he's an alcoholic? What worries me is that if you throw him out what will happen to the children? But then of course you need to set him boundaries and you must get him to contribute to the household or you'll end up in an awful situation.

 

[Ceejay123]

No, I would be setting down the same rules as you... And making him pay his way! X

 

[Sqwidge]

No you're being more than fair! Why has he got full custody of the children if he's an alcoholic? What worries me is that if you throw him out what will happen to the children? But then of course you need to set him boundaries and you must get him to contribute to the household or you'll end up in an awful situation.

I was going to say the same thing about if he left what would happen to the kids.

 

[Jazzycat123]

No you're being more than fair! Why has he got full custody of the children if he's an alcoholic? What worries me is that if you throw him out what will happen to the children? But then of course you need to set him boundaries and you must get him to contribute to the household or you'll end up in an awful situation.

I was going to say the same thing about if he left what would happen to the kids.

Because the mom is actually more messed up than he is. That is the major reason why I hesitate to kick him out. I love my niece and nephew and they have had a time of it. I just feel guilty my DH has to deal with this.

 

[Kittycat155]

If he is not paying much more then cell and insurance I would wonder if there is also a drug problem that he can not afford to pay some rent or at minimum the food cost for him and kids. A drinker can stop an alcholic can't IMO. Is he really working as much as he says would also be a concern.

 

[Kittycat155]

Also if he is so off he thinks your bedroom is a bathroom that is great risk of something happening to your 5 month old to consider. I would want to lock door but with his kids in house I could not bring myself to do that if they needed me and dad was passed out.

 

[Jazzycat123]

If he is not paying much more then cell and insurance I would wonder if there is also a drug problem that he can not afford to pay some rent or at minimum the food cost for him and kids. A drinker can stop an alcholic can't IMO. Is he really working as much as he says would also be a concern.

yea crossed my mind

 

[babycrazy1706]

I'd give him a few weeks to change and put a lock on your door in the meantime. You've been more than reasonable! Xx

 

[KayBea]

how long has he been there for? does he have financial difficulties - i know this can lead to people taking advantage & drinking etc. been there with my ex.

ide set down some rules & say if he cant oay his way then you simply cant afford for him to be there.. ie electric/gas & food bills etc. xx