Are you scared

[beanz]

I know that we have lots of people really trying hard and sometimes not succeeding but does anyone ever have moments of panic where the enormity of getting pregnant, giving birth, and then parenting for maybe more than 18 years starts to completely freak you out?

I am pretty much convinced that I am pregnant and now I am stressing about how we will tell my boyfriend's family, what their reaction will be, how we will manage, what the birth will be like...

I guess it's only natural, though I am worried about 3 specific things.

Firstly the fact that we've only been together a year and I left someone I'd been with for 12 years to be with him, silly I know because I love him so much and I feel so loved and we've known eachother a lot longer than we've been going out, but I worry about what other people will think. Specially as I am older than him and I worry if people think I am snatching him off the sttreets (To be fair he is 31!) and getting pregnant to trap him!

Secondly the comment his mum made a few weeks ago about how she hoped we'd get married before having children.

and thirdly his Brother's wife (who is younger than me) has been trying for a baby for ages and had to have some surgery and still hasn't been successful. I loike her a lot but she's never directly spoken to me about her fertility problems, I have just heard bits of the story from my boyfriend. I don't want to upset her, but on the other hand I can't not get pregnant just to spare her feelings. I just feel with me being 37 and her only about 33 she might be a bit put out if it turns out I am pregnant so soon after starting to conceive.

Wish I could just chill out and stuff.

 

[Steph]

Of course we all have the standard fears that come with being pregnant, i know i do.

But yeah each situation is unique as inevitably there will be people we don't please. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my parents as the dont like my OH after a lot of the stuff we've been through. I get a hard enough time getting them to accept we are together never mind starting a family.

It's tough and although our situations are different, we all need to support each other through the tough times so we can get on with enjoying our pregnancies.

 

[tinytoes]

Oh yes, i can relate to those sudden moments of intense fear! I get them all of a sudden I feel that I'm being rediculous and that I'm playing a game and the sudden seriousness of parenthood hits me. soemtimes I feel that I'm still a child (I'm 30!!)

These fears only pop up in teh tww - I suppose when the decision about being pregnant is out of my hands. I'm sure it's perfectly normal.

As for your worries:

- dont worry about the sister. We cant worry abotu otehr people. It sounds selfish, but really, we've got to get on and think about ourselves adn our family.

- marriage - don't worry. I also worried about family members being concerned about us having a baby before being married.
I also worried about friends thinking I'd trapped my DB by getting pregnant..but really it's all silly. WE know the truth, WE know that we're actively trying for the baby so that's enough. We've been together years but are not married. We nearly were once but it fell apart...hence my worry about people thinking i'm trapping him.

But In years to come when junior is learning to ride a bike or taking his/her school exams this'll seem such a small insignificant worry. And after all, other people don't matter. In time they will see what a happy and loving family unit you are - with or without a ring on yoru finger.

I want to be married by the time the child goes to school - so that the family has the same name. But otherwise, it's not a financial priority right now. We'll do it when the time is right, and you should too.
As long as your DB are happy and sure you're for keeps then thats all you need.

 

[Sinead]

I think we all get scared and that its only natural as its a huge responsibility. I get freaked out by the whole situation so much that I decide I don't want children, but I know I do in my heart.

Sinead

 

[beanz]

Oh yes, i can relate to those sudden moments of intense fear! I get them all of a sudden I feel that I'm being rediculous and that I'm playing a game and the sudden seriousness of parenthood hits me. soemtimes I feel that I'm still a child (I'm 30!!)

These fears only pop up in teh tww - I suppose when the decision about being pregnant is out of my hands. I'm sure it's perfectly normal.

As for your worries:

- dont worry about the sister. We cant worry abotu otehr people. It sounds selfish, but really, we've got to get on and think about ourselves adn our family.

- marriage - don't worry. I also worried about family members being concerned about us having a baby before being married.
I also worried about friends thinking I'd trapped my DB by getting pregnant..but really it's all silly. WE know the truth, WE know that we're actively trying for the baby so that's enough. We've been together years but are not married. We nearly were once but it fell apart...hence my worry about people thinking i'm trapping him.

But In years to come when junior is learning to ride a bike or taking his/her school exams this'll seem such a small insignificant worry. And after all, other people don't matter. In time they will see what a happy and loving family unit you are - with or without a ring on yoru finger.

I want to be married by the time the child goes to school - so that the family has the same name. But otherwise, it's not a financial priority right now. We'll do it when the time is right, and you should too.
As long as your DB are happy and sure you're for keeps then thats all you need.

thanks for that. I think I am so scared because we literally only started trying on 16th Oct and I am pretty sure I am pregnant now. Of course, when I do the test tonight it could come back negative but my periods are so regular and now I am late (Just about) and I have all these other signs (Two people commented on the size of my boobs today!)

Sometimes I thinkk a bit of a wait or unsuccessful attempts would have been better - that is IF I am pregnant.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

ppl around u who love u both should be happy for u whatever there personal situation i.e the sister its not ur fault she has problems if u love hm ur not trapping him ur growing ur love and 3rdly get married b4 having kids its not the norm anymore most ppl have kids before getting married although not doubt everyone would like to afford the 15k-30k wedding day before having kids but its not a perfect world and each to there own and the worldis coming less and less tradtional these all the best keeps us posted xx

 

[beanz]

I never wanted to get married but I would marry my new boyfriend if he asked, but just a small registry thing as I wouldn't feel right spending all that money on a wedding, specially if we have kids. I would be doing it because I want to but I wouldn't want to exclude his family as I do really like them. Perhaps I worry too much.

 

[Tilly]

I was the same when I first found out I was pregnant, id only been with my boyfriend for about 5-6 months when I found out, but we'd known each other a few years before so it just seemed right.. I was worried what other people would say/think as well. His mum also made a comment when I was a few months pregnant which upset me quite a lot so it wasn't the best start.

For your first two problems, I think you need not worry.. people make comments on the spur of the moment and im sure you're over analysing (we always do when it's ourselves) anyway, who cares what they think if you're happy?? About his brothers wife - as you said, you can't not get pregnant to spare her feelings, it's sad for her but your life has to go on.

Good luck

 

[tinytoes]

dont worry about marriage, dont worry about families. If you are pegnant the only things to matter is your little family unit! x

 

[babe2ooo]

i know how you feel, i feel like that sometimes but it doesnt matter how long you have been 2gether me and my OT have only been 2gether over a yr and we r ttc, dont worry it will all be fine

 

[dakini]

I know that we have lots of people really trying hard and sometimes not succeeding but does anyone ever have moments of panic where the enormity of getting pregnant, giving birth, and then parenting for maybe more than 18 years starts to completely freak you out?

Ok, I totally agree with you on everything, except one thing (and no one get upset - please!). It's that you have to parent for maybe more than 18 years? Sorry, once a parent, always a parent. You will always be parenting, even if your child/ren aren't living at home. It's just natural.

That being said, of course I get scared! I get scared that I won't be a good mother, that my DH won't be a good father, that I'll have PDD (I suffer from depression), that we won't be able to give our kids everything we want to financially, I worry about society and the environment and what kind of world we'll be leaving our kids, I'm scared my kid(s) won't be good people...countless fears resonate through my mind...I just have to trust in myself and my DH and that we'll do the best we can and that's all we can do. We turned out ok so we should be able to teach our kids the right things to make good decisions. That's really all you can do if you decide to go ahead and have kids.

I think everyone has fears, and if you don't, you're lying to yourself. It's natural, but it will all work out.

 

[beanz]

yeah point taken.

My mum still parents me now and I'm 37

 

[dakini]

Exactly. It's a life long commitment. But, for most people, as soon as your DC looks up at you and say "Mama" or "Dada" that makes it all worthwhile. I do know a few people that that wasn't enough, they are the odd-ones, and they didn't want kids and an accident happened...they still support the child, but aren't heavily involved. So, does it scare me?? Hell yeah!

 

[poppy]

You do get moments of panic.

Like when you think that in nine months (or less) you might be pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something much, much smaller!!!!

However, for me, I want a baby so much now, that, that overrides the fear of childbirth!

 

[Mynxie]

the thing that scares me....the only thing that scares me....is getting pregnant again and losing again, and/or never being able to have a family

 

[Iwantone!!!]

You do get moments of panic.

Like when you think that in nine months (or less) you might be pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something much, much smaller!!!!

However, for me, I want a baby so much now, that, that overrides the fear of childbirth!

thats what scares me pain ooooouuucccchhhh buts its worth it in the end to see that little bundle of joy xxx

 

[Mynxie]

see pain doesn't scare me, I hurt 24/7 anyway