Argghhh! Breastfeeding

[Lorna230713]

Hi Ladies,

I went to a breastfeeding session last night that was part of our NCT course.
I must admit that when I think of breast feeding a brick wall surrounds me and I do not know how I feel about it... I am confused.

To some it's the most natural thing you can do but for me I have a real problem with the intimacy, I think that's what it is...

All our lives we are instructed, we go to school, get jobs etc...but we are told that so much of having a baby is instinctive. I guess, I won't know what's going to happen until I'm passed my baby when it's born...

I don't want to look into why I have these issues with breastfeeding - I don't think intimate soul searching will help at this stage.

There's social pressure to breast feed, there's social pressure about doing it in public, there's personal pressure that comes from your families and within.

Any one else not know?

 

[pandaspot]

I don't think I want to breast feed, tbh I find the thought of it quite repulsive. But why? I dont know.

It's the most natural thing in the world to do but it just seems so animal like, it freaks me out.

I was reading this morning about expressing, which I think I will try, but then there is all this stuff out there how you need to hand express first, I just thought ewwww no way, gross! Doesn't bother me using a hand pump but doing it like a cow!!

It so weirds me out! Yuck the thought of it.

I hate the way people/midwifed will judge cause I don't want to, but I find it so physical repulsive and unnatural they can't force it can they?

 

[xforuiholdonx]

I did not breastfeed my first....refused to.even try! Why...? Probably.because it was one of those things people CONSTANTLY badgered me about. Wic, MIL, doctors office.... it had.nothing to do with wanting help.at.night either because my DH works.ridiculous.hours, and I.dont expect him to.get up in the middle.of the.night to help.
Its just something that you can decide on hen bubs is.born, and.you know.how you are feeling!

 

[DLA]

I felt pretty uncomfortable about BFing when I was pregnant with my first. I decided to give it a try though. And yes I definitely felt pressured to do it. What I found though, is something I couldn't have possibly understood before actually having this experience, was it was so natural, comfortable, not weird at all (like I was nervous about before) and most importantly rewarding. It was also difficult and frustrating at times but still the reward trumped all that.

I think best bet is to have an open mind. Give it try and if it's not for you, than it's not for you. You don't owe ANYONE an explanation on how you end up feeding your child. Whether you switch to formula a week in or end up extended BFing, that will not define you as a mother or define your self worth.

Tune out all the pressures. I felt pressure to BF. Then when it didn't go well I felt pressure to switch formula. It goes both ways and you just need to make the decision that's right for you and your baby in that moment. Eff everyone else.

 

[MrsCeder]

I dont think anyone should feel pressured about breast feeding, it's your body & your child therefore your choice! The main thing is do your research about pro's and con's etc but the bottom line is you have to want to try it in order for it to work. If you don't fully want to do it then you are more likely to give up if it doesn't work straight away.

Good luck

 

[HHenderson]

I say go with whatever makes you feel more comfortable.

I didnt last time because no one showed me or cared to help and I was young and had no idea and the hospital just shoved a bottle in my daughters mouth while I was sleeping from the c-section drugs.

This time I want to but I am scared. Im scared I wont be able too, like my huge utters just wont produce like they should and I dont want to feel like a failure.

I constantly think about times where I need to be doing supper and baby needs to eat. Do I let stuff burn or make her wait? Im out grocery shopping and its taking longer than expected because I like to look around, do I stop and go sit in the nasty bathroom to do it? There are so many cons its scaring me from doing it.

 

[MnMommy]

Before I had DS, I thought breastfeeding was disgusting. I had friends who did it and it literally made me want to vomit when I saw them. I had no intention of breastfeeding. Then my MIL got involved. She gave me and DH all this grief and pressure to do it. I finally gave in and said I would just try it, knowing I would hate it, just to get her off my back. It was all she would talk about with me.

I was scared out of my mind to do it. When DS was born I was so uncomfortable knowing that was coming. That said, I had promised DH I would give it a try. I even told him it probably wasn't going to be for me and would end quickly.

For me, something changed in me the first time he nursed. It wasn't easy- don't get me wrong. Those first several days were not good. He was losing weight fast and we had to pump and cup feed him to make sure how much he was getting. Once we knew it was plenty, we went back to nursing. Once we got the hang of it, it was fairly easy.

I know its not for everyone- I am not one to preach to people about how to feed their kid. That is a personal decision. But if you are considering, try it. What the worst that can happen? You decide its not for you and you stop? Big deal. But if you don't try it right away, you won't be able to later.

For me, I loved it. Surprised the heck out of me. I absolutely loved that time with DS and I look forward to it this time. I DID NOT feed in public or with an audience of anyone other than my husband, and occasionally my mom or sister. Even with them it was rare. My MIL got mad I wouldn't let her be in the same room, but I put my foot down on that one. I ended up nursing for a year and was sad when it ended. It was my way to ensure that every couple of hours (in the beginning), DS and I could excuse ourselves from everyone else and go have some alone time. Even if people were visiting and wanting to hold him, only I could fulfil that need.

I guess all of this is a really long way of saying I understand your discomfort with the idea of BF'ing and your fear (if that is the right word???). In my opinion, its worth a try though because you just don't know how you will feel after you try it. You're not a good or bad mom just because you nurse or bottlefeed. Do what is best for you and more importantly what you think is best for your baby. That's all any of us can do.

 

[MnMommy]

I say go with whatever makes you feel more comfortable.

I didnt last time because no one showed me or cared to help and I was young and had no idea and the hospital just shoved a bottle in my daughters mouth while I was sleeping from the c-section drugs.

This time I want to but I am scared. Im scared I wont be able too, like my huge utters just wont produce like they should and I dont want to feel like a failure.

I constantly think about times where I need to be doing supper and baby needs to eat. Do I let stuff burn or make her wait? Im out grocery shopping and its taking longer than expected because I like to look around, do I stop and go sit in the nasty bathroom to do it? There are so many cons its scaring me from doing it.

Its very much like bottle feeding with most of your concerns. The dinner thing- what would you do if the baby needs a bottle? You quickly will get on a schedule and you will know when the baby needs to eat, then you plan accordingly.

I never nursed in a restroom. Gross. I don't eat there and don't expect my baby to either. The exception there was in the really nice bathrooms that have a nursing area (like at a high end department store). You wait to go shopping until right after nursing. Or if you are other places, go use a dressing/changing room.

Don't get me wrong, there is definitely some scheduling involved with nursing. But you will get the hang of it fairly quickly. And as I said in my other post, if you ever think its no longer for you or you can't get the schedule thing down, you can always switch. You can also do a combination. I have had a lot of friends who nursed, but brought bottles with if they were out and about (or at a grocery store, for example).

Again, I'm not trying to pressure you into nursing, please don't think I am, but I am just trying to tell you how I dealt with some of the things you are concerned about.

 

[xsadiex]

You might change your mind when your baby is here! See how you feel. Definitely try it though, it is SO much better for your baby's health and you would probably get used to it after not long. At first i was a bit weirded out but it becomes very normal!
Breastfeeding is normal and healthy and the best thing you can feed your baby.

From my experience I feel there is more social pressure to bottle feed as that's more 'normal' in our society, i think its all the wrong way round.

When I stopped breastfeeding the first thing I noticed was my sons poo stunk and he kept getting constipated, was horrible. It doesn't keep the gut as healthy as the fresh stuff straight from your boob.

 

[Mum2BKW]

I've decided to try breastfeeding and have an electric pump so I can express for baby too. But I have no intimacy issues so the idea of having baby suckling on my boob doesn't bother me! I can understand where you are coming from though.

I think the golden rule is -feed your baby. Whether it's from breast or formula is no-one else's business, if you decide to try BF and it doesn't work out for you then your baby will thrive on formula - it's not poisonous!

I do agree with the previous posters who have said it's worth giving BF a try though, in case you find you enjoy it more than you expect.

 

[Dk1234]

I was a nervous wreck about bfing. I knew I was going to because financially it was so much better for my family and physically it is so much better for baby. But I had terrible dreams about nursing my dog, I had never known anyone who had done it really and my one friend that was doing it at the time, I refused to even watch her it freaked me out so much. That being said, I did it and after 2 months I really appreciated it. It is so much easier than formula (I got pregnant 4 months pp so my milk dried up when lo was 9 months so we use pumped milk and formula now) and honestly I can't even count the benefits. Formula is so expensive for one, I calculated it and even with all the supplies I bough, my expensive double electric pump, and the formula we've had to buy, I have saved over $2000 and that if my son just needed regular formula. And then on to the health aspect. My son is way off the charts for height, weight, and head. He is so big and healthy and I did all that for the first bit of his life. It was such an accomplishment for me. I was so proud of myself. Now this is just anecdotal but everyone of my friends babies has had some issue, whether reflux, colic, ear infections (all three), RSV, or some other illness and my son is the only one who hasn't. You can't tell me that doesn't have something to do with bm at least considering he was so little at flue season and prime ear infection time. And even if it doesn't, I feel partly responsible and that makes me feel good so who cares.
Also my son storm at 7 weeks old so no horror story of him waking every 20 mins here either.

Now, I've said all that to say this, I had some dark days bfing at first. It is not easy for most to get started. By two weeks I was no longer wanting to give up, by two months, I liked it, and by 3, I adored it and was so sad when it ended. But for the first two months, 2 weeks especially I had to be very committed. So, if I was going to give you any advice it would be to either do it and be very committed to it, or don't. Maybe just try it in the hospital and see how you feel because even though I thought it would be creepy and weird, it wasn't. But don't beat yourself up the first week if you aren't planning on sticking it out, that's too much stress and all you'll get is the bad parts if bfing, none of the wonderful parts.

 

[aliss]

Having done both (formula with #1 and exclusive BF with #2), I'd have to say the breastfeeding was just so much easier after you get the hang of it. No sorting out bottles on planes, no packing stuff to go out, no $200 at Walmart every month (he had an intolerance which only special formula could stay down), and I lost the weight faster.

If you don't like it of course you don't have to, but there's no harm in trying. Quite a few girls here were repulsed in pregnancy yet did it anyways and decided they really enjoyed it.

 

[Anthrogirl]

I'm with all the PPs, give it a shot before you decide entirely not to. I hear a lot of women on this forum talk about how difficult BFing was, I had the opposite experience and had no problems. With both babies so far, I did have one night with each around 5 weeks where I wanted to just beg them to sleep through one (just one, please I'm begging sort of negotiating) feeding because I was simply exhausted. I think we all feel like that whether we bottle or breast feed.
I tell everyone now that I BF because I'm cheap. That's a part of it, but also allowing a baby to vocally cry in the night (newborn, not talking 6-8 monther) starts a cascade of hormonal releases which results in high levels of adrenaline in the bloodstream. In order to clear the adrenaline out, it takes time. Time that could be spent sleeping. If I have to prepare a bottle, baby will be crying by the time I get to it, if I can quickly latch to the breast, no cortisol cascade of waking hormones and we all get to sleep a little better.

 

[rowleypolie]

I was torn with my first, I think only did it out of social and family pressure. But after I got started I loved it, it's so convenient and it made me feel accomplished like a super hero or something. Everything my baby needed was being made by my body. Honestly when I gave it up at a year I got super depressed, like now my baby didn't need me anymore, it was so hard to cope.

 

[aliss]

Same Anthro, my 2nd had zero issue. Ever. He just latched on within 2 seconds and away we went. It's not all horror. Okay, I admit my 1st was, but there were external factors that other women would rarely have.

 

[mummytokeelie]

I don't think anyone should force you either way it is completely your choice! I felt exactly the same
The thought actually actually turned my stomach the only reason I tried it was my OH asked me to just try it and if I hated it he would understand he and only him would I do this for and I have to say I loved it I actually cried when I stoped feeding my daughter im not saying it would be the same for you but if you can bring yourself to try you might surprise yourself xx

 

[CatherineK]

Breastfeeding has had such a roller coaster ride in society. Of course it is not coming to some of us like second Nature...as most of us grow up surrounded by bottle feeding. It's almost like an art that got lost in time. It's hidden often - in bedrooms, bathrooms, behind blankets. We don't grow up seeing how others hold or latch their kids- or that it's common to feed so often. Too many comparisons are made to formula feeding- and it's truly two different worlds. As someone who had had two kids and never bought or used formula, working full time and pumping three times a day for a year for each kid, never once sharing a night feed with anyone- I'm darn proud of my accomplishments, and will encourage anyone that wants to listen. Does this mean I don't respect formula feeders? Not at all. If that is your choice, fine. But Be confident in your choice enough not to be bothered
By those that support bf-ing. I've had literally hundreds of comments made to me about wasting my time pumping/breastfeeding, weaning age, public feeding, etc...and I just ignore it, because I am confident in my choices. It's a simple fact that breastfeeding is more natural than formula, more affordable, and more environmentally friendly. So why shouldn't it be encouraged? If you don't want to do it- then don't, Hun.

 

[080509]

I always thought it would feel weird having a baby attatched to me, as the only person used to my boobs were my OH Lol! But once our baby was born, i said i'd give it ago and it didn't feel odd at all, it hurt for the first week, but i expected to feel weirded out by it, but i didn't.
Its your choice whether to bottle or breastfeed so i wouldn't feel bad/guilty if you decided not to breastfeed xxx

 

[smokey]

I wasn't thrilled about the idea of bf my son, the whole thing freaked me out due to past abuse reasons.
I never actually got any pressure off of anyone to do it, mum, mil, mw, hv, dr all said the same thing, "give it a go and if it doesn't work don't beat yourself up about it your just changing tactics"
I gave it a go when he was born and found it wasn't as bad as id thought but my brain was still going noooo way to the idea of public feeding.
In the end it was actually LO that decided he didn't want to bf, he just wouldn't have it, he hated being held close to anyone or being swaddled as a baby.
We then changed to expressing as a compromise which was ok for a few weeks but wasn't enough to keep my milk flow up so we changed to formula and he has been happy and healthy as anything.

Its one of those things id say don't close your mind before the time comes as you never know what will happen, you could hold your baby and feel a urge to do it or decide nope.
Most important thing is a happy mummy and baby and a happy mummy is more important to a baby but just don't strike it off just yet.

 

[spinneybaby]

Honestly, all of my issues, worries with breastfeeding went out the door the moment my son latched for the first time...The fact that I can feed and nourish my child with nothing more than my body completely amazes me and the bond is like no other. It's nice to just sit with your feet up and have those few moments to nurse with just the two of you. as others have said, you get used to the schedule and routine quickly and schedule accordingly. I have NEVER nursed in a bathroom nor will I. I have nursed in my car, in the corner of a restaurant with an "udder cover", in a dressing room and even in rooms that are designated for nursing Moms. Where I live, it's a Human right and you can legally nurse anytime, anywhere and if you are asked to stop, whoever asks you can be charged! Since I nursed for 14 months with DS, I became much more comfortable with nursing in public and my thoughts are that when I nurse, I show less breast than a bikini model and do it very descreetly. If someone has an issue with it, I welcome them to look away.

I completely understand that it's not for everyone but it's worth a try. you may be like me and try it and love it! or you may hate it and stop quickly...just the cost savings alone make it worth it! Do what's best for you, your family & your situation and go with your gut...only you know what's best! Don't stress over it...you will know what to do when your baby arrives!