ARGH utter NOB.

[lov3hat3]

So i havnt posted here before lol. Im kaytee, 17 and have a 4 week old lil boy called jamiee Unfourtunatly his dad is a utter twat who did nothing but make things difficult for me when i was pregnant. Anywhoo i wont bore you with everything hes done because ill go on for days haha. Well when i had jamiee he went on a cruise a few days later. Hes seen him 5 times in four weeks and only for like half hour to an hour at a time. Now he wants to trot of with our son tomorrow and getting in a huff because ive said no. Hes been pressuring me to let jamiee stay their overnight too which isnt going to happen as long as im alive. Hes four weeks old, he hasnt even built a relationship with him or tried too. I dont trust him with him yet, he didnt help himself by saying that Jamiee would stay on his bean bag either. Yes, thats right a BEAN BAG. ugh nob. His mothers only JUST contacted me, and only just made the effort to see her grandson. I havnt met any of his other family and he wants to take jamiee to a family bbq tomorrow. Am i being unreasonable? Not to mention he hasnt given me a penny or brought any nappies/formula. He thinks hes the worlds greatest dad because he brought a cot mobile. I dont know what he thinks im doing. I dont work because im in college full time - which ive already had to go back to. Im up all night with Jamiee, i go to college i work my ass off just hoping i finish my work by the cut off date then i come home i look after jamiee and try and do college work and then start all over again. I have NO money because i havnt registered him so im not getting child benefit or anything so my mums buying everything untill i can pay her back. Yet he thinks hes got it bad. Sorry for ranting just needed to get it out

 

[elsmogro]

No i dont think your being unreasonable at all, Jamiee is only 4 weeks old he cant expect to have him overnight, especially thinking a bean bag is suitable for him to sleep on!!!!! he could suffocate or anything! and in my opinion if he can afford a cruise but not pay for the support of his own child then screw him. Stick to your guns xxx

 

[hancake100]

No hun you are not being unreasonable what so ever......a beanbag???? is he for real???? what an idiot!!! your lo is only 4weeks old and he should be with you. Dont put up with any of his crap hun. If he has only seen him for an hour(ish) at a time aswell it tell him to get lost if hes thinking of taking him to a family bbq on his own never let alone over night.

 

[manda22]

Wow this boy needs to grow up now!! My dd is 4 months and I will not let her dad take her even for the day yet. He wants to take her for the weekend and I said no not till she's at least 2. I would make it mandatory for the bd to take some parenting classes before he even has him for an hour or something. If and when you go for custody you should see if they will make it a requirement for him. Good luck hun!

 

[xSophieBx]

A BEANBAG!!! Wot a total idiot!! Your not being unreasonable at all. 4 weeks is far too young for overnights. I won't be agreeing to overnights for a long long time. Maybe try and set up proper supervised visits at ur house if ur comfortable with it, and see if he can stick to a set day and time for how long! Does he have a job? I suggest u get on to CSA straight away if he won't willingly pay for him. Try and get him registered asap so u can have a bit of money. You'll get the child benefit & child tax credit back dated to his birth date if u apply for them within 3months. Make sure u give him ur surname aswell, and only have him on the birth certificate if you think his upto having joint parental responsibility. I have a nob FOB too xxx

 

[JA1988]

I don't know why you haven't had him registered yet as that was one of the first things I did to make sure that I was getting the correct money etc. I would get that booked in as soon as you can.
Also who is watching lo while you are at college? Just asking as if FOB does decided to take you to solicitors or court over visitation and he requests unsupervised, they will let him have it (not right now of course) but they will lay out a plan so that contact builds gradually over the course of several months (can also request he attends parenting classes) and will eventually lead up to him having lo unsupervised for short periods of time, especially as you are formula feeding because they will deem there to be no reason why you need to be there to supervise the visitation. The only time they would grant supervised is if FOB poses a physical danger to lo or has been abusive to you or lo in the past. I am dealing with solicitors right now in regards to fob and from what I am advised, it is unlikely that any court will grant overnight access until 6 months at the very earliest (it would be later than that if you were breastfeeding but again as you aren't then they will see no reason why once fob has built a bond that lo can't stay overnight for one or two nights a month).

I would be inclined to make sure that you are giving fob regular access to lo, short and frequent visitations are what is recommended for a lo your age and as long as you do that then if he ever did take you to court over access then you can show you are being reasonable and also that way you can show fob the correct way to take care of lo and make sure he realises that suggesting lo can sleep on a beanbag or other such ridiculous ideas is out of the question. Perhaps suggest that he buy some things for lo to keep at his house so that at least you know that when lo does stay there, he will be well cared for.

 

[xSophieBx]

They won't let him have unsupervised if he has no experience with LO. I'm currently going through solicitors and contact is going to be in a contact centre, to be reviewed after 4 months. & my solicitor said a court would rule this too because of his behavior/lack of experience with LO. I have also spoken to numerous dads that have been through the process and been stuck with contact centres for 2 years cos of a horrible ex!!

So u can say about supervised. But I agree about setting up a regular visitation order to see if he can stick to it first. xx

 

[Rhio92]

What a dick!

 

[lov3hat3]

lol thankyou! he said i should be proud because he brought a cot mobile shame he cant realise that babies need nappies and things like that aswell. Im getting him registered tomorrow. I have asked him to buy things for his house and he hasnt so far so i wont even think about letting him waltz off with jamiee untill he does.

 

[JA1988]

He sounds like a waste of space, problem is that if he ever goes down the official route, courts and such like regard money/maintenance and visitation as two separate issues, so a father who pays no money at all towards his child (whether unemployed or whatever) can still have all reasonable rights to access going from supervised to unsupervised after several months, likewise a father who pays £300 a month is not necessarily guaranteed visitation rights for example if he is a danger to the child or has had previous convictions etc.

It is ridiculous how it all works as layabout dads who don't pay their way still get to swan about playing daddy, but the courts see it as a childs right to their parent as opposed to the other way round, so money never comes into it.

Hope he bucks his ideas up and starts being a better daddy to your lo xx

 

[112110]

Men (for the most part) are complete idiots. You keep doing what you're doing
If he wants to keep him overnight, I'd just write out a list of all the things you typically need to care for LO. EX: crib, formula (how much, how warm, how often) pretty much write everything you do. Maybe he'll think twice once he sees how hard it really is