At my wits end - early morning waking, please help?!

[MemmaJ]

My baby boy is about a week off from 8 months old and has never been the best sleeper, despite my efforts (day or night!)
However we used to manage to get him through him through to 6/6.30 in the morning, with a few night wakings where he just wanted his dummy back... Except now (for the last 2 weeks) he has decided he's up and ready for the day at 5am.

At first I worried he was hungry because he has also started refusing most milk feeds (he only ever drinks half his morning 8oz bottle now, and sometimes won't take any of his afternoon bottle, sometimes some of it, and very rarely finishes his bedtime bottle now either).

However if we try and give him a bottle when he wakes at 5am, he really doesn't want it - so it's not hunger (he does have 3 meals a day).

His daytime naps are a nightmare now, he fights it's and cries for ages every time - so I thought maybe he's overtired, and therefore we tried different bedtimes (earlier, later, in between...!). None of which made any difference to the morning waking time.

We've tried leaving him when he wakes, but he will just whinge/moan until someone goes to get him - he never goes back to sleep (he can't self settle anyway).
Tried going in and just giving him his dummy and walking out, but he just spits it out and moans again - so we end up in and out of his bedroom like yoyo's, with the same end result anyway.

We've tried putting him in our bed when he wakes and he will be falling asleep with us, and then it's like he suddenly realised what's happening, and his eyes ping open and he's crying again!

I've just started on a phased return to work and I work shifts, some of which are horrible times (the most recent two being 8pm until 2am), so I'm absolutely shattered and beginning to feel like I just can't cope unless something changes.

There's no noise or anything at that time to wake him up; it could be light but we are moving house next week. We will buy a blackout blind for the new house but there's no point here for the sake of a week, incase it doesn't fit his new window!
It probably doesn't help that he tends to rely on his dummy a bit to get to sleep, so if he wakes we do have to go and put it back in otherwise he can't settle back to sleep whatsoever.

I was reading online this morning when I was at the end of my tether, and I saw a few different people suggesting that the morning nap is moved on to a later time (and potentially for a shorter duration). Has anyone had any success with that..?
I'm trying it today - he usually goes back to sleep around 8.30/9am in the morning but I kept him awake until about 10.30 today (other than a quick 5 minute nap in the car while I did the school run, which I couldn't prevent!). He slept for about 45 minutes and is very whingey now, like he's super tired.

Don't get me wrong, I don't expect miracles and I know it isn't going to work on the first day, but I'm willing to persist and be consistent with anything that might work in the long run!
If anyone has any advice or suggestions I would be so grateful..!

 

[Aliop]

We took the dummy away for our 8 month old and he went from waking 4+ times a night and early waking at 4.30/5 to sleeping through 7pm and we woke him at 7am! Amazing! Best thing we ever did was get rid of it

 

[MemmaJ]

How did you go about it, did you just go cold turkey..? It scares the hell out of me thinking about doing that as I know he will really cry and not be able to settle to sleep without it I know that won't last forever but the actual process of it terrifies me!

 

[jessmke]

I went cold turkey with my DD's pacifier when she turned 6 months olds. Honestly it was fine. The first night she had a tough time falling asleep so I co-slept with her that night, then the next night falling asleep took a bit longer than usual, and after that everything was fine. She has always been good at self settling though, we always put her down awake and she plays a bit and squirms around until she gets comfortable and falls asleep, so I don't think she relied on the pacifier too much. She also never had it during the day unless it was nap time. My DD was really good at putting the pacifier back in her own mouth at night (and could even turn it the right way up if she put it in upside down), so we put 6 pacifiers in her crib at night. But then she would wake up and put one in her mouth, spit it out and find a different one to put in her mouth, spit that one out, repeat repeat repeat until she found the one she was looking for (they are all the same, I don't know what the difference was to her!) but by the time she found the "right" one she would be awake and decide she wanted to eat. Sometimes she would find the "right" one on her first try and go back asleep, but that was rare. Getting rid of the pacifiers has really helped her sleep better.

Could you tape cardboard up on the window of the house your currently in to see if that helps? Our DD has a huge window in her room and a blackout blind would be very expensive to get in that size (especially since we didn't know if it would help) so I just taped cardboard onto the window and it does the job beautifully (although doesn't look beautiful, but we live in the country so no one sees our house anyways).

There is also a wonder week at 37 weeks which is apparently notorious for causing sleep disturbances, so if that is what's going on you may just need to ride it out.

I personally wouldn't shorten any of his naps. "Sleep begets sleep" they say, so the better he sleeps during the day the better he will sleep at night. My LO always sleeps best at night if she has had two 1.5 hr naps and one 30 min catnap during the day.

 

[MemmaJ]

So I took his dummy away yesterday..! First time was for his afternoon nap - had to do half an hour of controlled crying, with me going in ever 5 minutes, and then he fell asleep. Didn't give it to him st bedtime and he went straight to sleep, and same again for his morning nap today. Surely it can't be that easy..?!
He also slept until 6.15 this morning and didn't wake up once in the night!

 

[jessmke]

So I took his dummy away yesterday..! First time was for his afternoon nap - had to do half an hour of controlled crying, with me going in ever 5 minutes, and then he fell asleep. Didn't give it to him st bedtime and he went straight to sleep, and same again for his morning nap today. Surely it can't be that easy..?!
He also slept until 6.15 this morning and didn't wake up once in the night!

That's fantastic! For us it was way easier than I thought it would be as well.

 

[MemmaJ]

So his afternoon nap and bedtime were definitely not so 'easy'! I knew I was being smug too soon, haha!
We had an hour of CC at bedtime
Awful, I feel so guilty for it but everyone/everything just keeps saying to persist and it will be fine in the end..!

 

[Pea123]

My son went through a phase of 5am wakings around 8 months which lasted around 2 weeks. He is now 10 months and has gone back to 6/6:30 wake up (naturally early riser)

Is baby crawling yet? He started crawling not long after the extra early wakings stopped so I think it was developmental and he was waking to practice

 

[MemmaJ]

He is not crawling yet but desperately trying to..!

We are still really struggling... Daytime naps usually consist of him crying for a good while before finally giving in, and then he still doesn't sleep particularly well or for very long.
Bedtime is the worst of all. It goes on for around an hour and nothing works until he is literally so tired that he gives up. We keep going in, and he just wails every time he is put back down or see's us walk out the room. After he finally goes to sleep, for the next couple of hours he seems to sleep really lightly and every little noise wakes him up - so whole thing starts again!

And he's still waking at 5/5.30am!

It's really hard to keep any kind of consistency when his morning wakings (and therefore daytime naps) vary so much, depending on how he is being/how long it takes him to actually go to sleep/how long he sleeps for etc.

I went to the health visitor drop-in clinic today and they really had nothing to say about it

I read that if there's no improvement after a week then you should stop, so I really don't know what to do now

 

[jessmke]

What kind of other sleep cues do you give him? If the pacifier was the only cue he had that it was time to sleep then when you take that away he doesn't have anything else to cue him in to nap/bed time. For example when it is nap time I go into DD's room, turn off the lights, put her in her sleep sac while I recite one of her bedtime books (Goodnight Moon), then we turn on her sound machine, and by the time we sit down for a feed about a minute after entering her room she knows it's time to sleep and is already yawning even though she may not have seemed tired at all before going into her room. It's sort of an abbreviated version of her bedtime routine.

Also does he have a lovey? When I took away DD's pacifier I really started to push the lovey which is a blanket/teddy bear thing that she has. I give it to her while we read bedtime stories, and I always squish it in-between us while she nurses. She now likes to pet the blanket or twiddle the bear's ear while she is nursing or when she wakes up at night and is trying to get herself back to sleep. It sometimes helps to have another comfort object as a replace for the pacifier.

Otherwise I don't have much advice as we haven't really done any formal sleep training. I'm not sure how you do it in the first year when so many different things disturb their sleep. I don't see how sleep training can stop them from feeling teething pain at night, or stop them from waking to practice new skills (crawling, etc) or stop many of the other things that cause night wakings. I feel like sleep training only works to train them not to wake just to seek out some cuddles, but I don't understand how it stops all the other reasons for waking.

 

[Diannam]

I am currently having early wake ups and multiple night wakings. I used to only have to get up 1 time most nights. Our napping situation isn't great either. Even days with 2 good chunky naps lead to problems at night as well. I am a bit embarrassed to say but naps still happen on my lap. I get really stressed when I have a failed crib nap attempt. Not having time to do things while baby is napping is stressful as well, but less so.

I was awake at 4am and had to rerock my baby 10 minutes later. He then woke at 5am for the day. It's been like this for a couple of weeks and my boy is just one week younger than yours.

I did sleep training at 5.5 months. It reduced his night wakings to 1. Early wake ups weren't an issue at that time. We went back to feedinghhim to sleep as we had some inconsistencies which led to his cry times being to long and it was working for us. I didn't have to rock him for 20 minutes multiple times in the night like I did before.

We might retry sleep training if this carries on too long as I am not coping well and it's making me a bad mom at times and I have said inappropriate things to baby and husband.

I hope you find your solution. Let me know how it goes for you.

 

[MemmaJ]

Thanks Dianna, in a strange way it's nice to know that it's not just me..! Like you, I am tired and stressed all the time, and the rest of the family are feeling the brunt..! Just wish I knew how to change it. Can I ask what form of sleep training you used before..?

Jess to be honest, the bedtime routine is not great and I will lay the blame for that solely on my partner..! I have always pushed for a bedtime routine (bath, bottle in his bedroom with calm/no talking or playing, and bed)... And no matter HOW many times I tell him, my partner just can't do it. We do it together because he's home from work by then, and for some reason he is completely incapable of keeping this time calm and quiet. He says he can't help it and he's excited because he 'hasn't seen him all day' but he just doesn't GET the point. He plays with him loudly while he's in the bath, splashing etc - and then bottle in his bedroom isn't really met with 'playing' but talking (either to me, or to the baby). I honestly don't think this will change unless I ban him from bedtimes all together (which he won't accept!), he just doesn't listen or understand.

He does have a lovey which he sleeps with every night/nap, and we stopped using his sleep-sack because I wondered if that was part of the reason why he kept waking (lack of freedom of movement). I do sing him Twinkle Twinkle Little Star every bedtime which he seems to recognise now as he gives me a little smile when it starts, and kicks his legs in excitement... So maybe that's not a good thing, haha!

 

[Diannam]

We did full extinction. Checks prolonged the crying. We did see results. Some days it only took 2 minutes before he was asleep. Some days however when things were a bit off it took 40 minutes. One day my husband let him fall
asleep on the bottle and it took an hour the next day for him to sleep when it had been taking under 5 minutes the previous nights. I think we stopped sleep training shortly after.

I know I felt a bit of relief too seeing someone having the same problem at the same time as well. Today's wake up was at 6am and he woke only once in the night. His naps were spaced better and his last ended 3 hours before bed. I am sure that naps play a part for us but naps are difficult at times and I can't nap him within 2 hours of his bedtime. I want to keep it the same time every night. I also have the inlaws staying until Monday and I know his naps are going to be so messed up.

 

[2have4kids]

We went to a couple sleep consiltant sessions put on by different groups. They all agreed on
1. Black out, cool room. Even the pin light on the monitor, hide it. They'll ficus on sny light and it stimulates them.
2. Routine, we read to DD every nap, and every bedtime. She loves her books.
3. We have 1 stuffy that staysin the crib. It diexn't get played with inbetween smd when we start reading that stuffy comes out to read & snuggle too. It's like pavlov'x dogs. It works whdn you travel too. Stuck in jetlag with child...queue them up with that one stuffy.
4. DD started rejecting milk too so she only gets it now at bedtime. Otherwise she gets sugar free apple juice cut with ice and water and coconut water no sugar.

If he's teething his pattern will change. Last night DD woke ip at 3:30 and refused to sleep until 5:15 am. I was exhausted!

 

[MemmaJ]

So he started crawling today..! I'm hoping his terrible sleep may now settle a bit as he's been learning a new skill.. Hooefully?!
It was still a big battle for his lunchtime nap and bedtime today, lots of fighting sleep and crying . I've tried 'ignoring' but he ends up getting himself in such a state that I worry he's going to be sick or something (plus I feel terrible when he starts crying really hard and I just can't leave him like that )
He's fine as soon as I go in and pick him up, but the second he's put back down in bed he really kicks off again.

He slept until 6.30 this morning so will see what happens tomorrow morning... I've noticed a possible pattern that I think he seems to sleep later after he's had a bath the night before?! I don't bath him every day - but I did lastnight and I did again tonight, to see what happens.

Still haven't got a blackout blind - well my partner bought one but he bought the wrong size!!

 

[jessmke]

If I were you I would try really hard to get your OH on board with a calm bedtime routine. It is not fair on your LO if your OH gets him wound up, and then expects him to lay down and go to sleep. It would be like if you played a game of soccer or hockey or something and then were expected to lay down and go to sleep immediately afterwards - it would be nearly impossible. Babies need wind down time before they can shut off and go to sleep just like we do.

Isla always goes to sleep easier when she has a bath, so I bath her every night but only use soap 1-2 times a week. The other times it is just warm water and she plays with some toys and splashes around. I think it is both a good way to get out the last bit of her energy from the day while also being calm and soothing.

 

[Crosby]

Dianna how old is you lo?

Why are you ashamed that you cuddle your poppet to nap/sleep? I usually cuddle and rock my dd to naps and not ashamed. Is it that bad?

Agree with jessmke that a wind down is a must. We start winding down after the last bottle at 6.30. Daddys arms first, then play with some soft toys, change nappy and bed. She is still sleeping in our room in her chicco next to me crib (is this also bad?) And goes to sleep within half hour. I usually sing or humm some made up songs about her lol and stroke her legs and tummy

 

[Diannam]

My baby is 7.5 months. I'm not ashamed to rock him to sleep. The part I would like to change but don't think I will is the part where every nap is on a pillow on my lap. The extra time to clean and do meal preparation would be nice. Sometimes I feel I need a little bit of physical separation too especially when we are alone together 12 hours straight, but I can't get that when his nap is on me. He does sleep in his crib at night though.

We ended up doing sleep training again. He stopped falling asleep on the bottle and he squirms and fights when rocked. Tonight will be the fourth night. He only cried the first night. He still wakes for a feed or a bit of comfort and goes back down without crying. He woke early two of the mornings, but this morning he slept until 7:30.

Naps happen now only after he's really tired and been awake for over 3 hours. I also had to change how and where he is rocked.

 

[MemmaJ]

Dianna sounds like you're making good progress, well done!
I have been up several times since 3am onwards today and am becoming more and more despondent

I am thinking about moving his bedtime later because I just don't think he CAN do that 11/12 hour night time sleep that the books all say! Every baby is different, as we all know, and I just don't think he can do it...

He accidentally went to bed at 9pm the other night as we were out and he woke up when we got home (around 8pm). He was wide awake so we kept him up and put him in bed at 9 (with nothing, as he'd already had his bottle at 'bed time') and he went straight to sleep, then slept till 6.30 with no wakings.
Lastnight I tried to go back to his 'normal' routine with bedtime at 6/6.30: he screamed until gone 7pm and then was up loads from 3am onwards.

So I think I might try letting him have a short nap at what is now his 'bedtime' and putting him to bed later... It's the only thing we haven't tried consistently!

 

[Diannam]

If it helps your baby sleep I say do it. We have a setback here. My baby went down after 15 minutes of crying and woke and fed 3 times last night. Fortunately my baby slept after a 6am bottle woke 30 minutes later, babbled a bit and fell back asleep until 8ish.

My inlaws are now staying, against my better judgment we went out for dinner and our bedtime routine was late. I think we are in for a rough week and I don't know what to do. His naps are shorter after their arrival. My baby is screaming a bit too much this bedtime. I am tempted to stop cry it out until they are gone, but I don't want to start over again.

Edit: he was rocked to sleep