At wits end with sons behaviour

[Toms Mummy]

Wow! Those are very strict consequences! I think maybe when you've got your own you won't be able to be as harsh

I have two lol. Ages 9 and almost 11 years old. Along with parenting a total of 14 foster children over the years. When you've got your own perhaps you'll understand why having solid boundaries is absolutely necessary to raising good people


I'm not any stricter than the world is and will be to them. My children describe me as VERY loving, kind, reasonable and fair. Society (their teachers, coaches, our community etc) all say they are incredibly compassionate, intelligent and sweet little people. Much more so than their peers and that means a lot to me.

I refuse to send heathens out into the world. That's exactly what's wrong with the world today and I will not contribute to it.

I'm not here to be a friend to my children, I'm here to be a parent. There SHOULD be a difference and that's what I'm doing

I do have my own and she is a good person, not sure if you're implying she's not or if you're implying that anyone who doesn't treat their children the way you do are creating Heathens but they're absolutely not!

Wow. Just wow!

I don't think that's what she was implying .. critisising your parenting, or anyone elses. I think you were only tagged in her reply as you asumed she had no children, when in fact she does.

There are many ways to bring up nice children. It sounds like she was just giving her take on her own , not insulting other people's parenting x

 

[Lucasmum]

Behavior aside you said all he will eat is plain pasta and other certain foods? My son is is very particular with food, we have battled cried laughed shouted and all the other things over the years to get him to eat more and vary his diet but eventually we decided to give up fighting with a child, if he was happy eating these things then so what at least he was eating and it sure as hell made meal times a much happier time for all of us and slowly very slowly without the stress and anxiety Lucas has tried more and more things, some he liked some he didnt I would seriously not worry and stress over diet, you have enough on your plate

 

[Toms Mummy]

I'm with Lucasmum re. food. My ds lives in rice, carrots and jacobs crackers! He will eat other things occasionally but atleast by cooking these things I know he will def eat it!

 

[OmarsMum]

Re. Food - Omar is very picky he'd live on plain rice if I let him, but I dont. It was hard work to get him to eat a decent diet, I dont offer crap full stop. If he refuses to eat his meal knowing that he ate it before, he doesnt get plain rice it doesnt have any nutritious value other than filling him up, which makes it difficult to offer him any proper food later. I make sure he doesn't snack between meals, he eats 3 meals with no snacks, if he snacks in the afternoon I dont offer him lunch to make sure he eats dinner, if he eats a proper lunch I know he will not eat dinner so I make sure he gets a balanced meal for lunch. If he refuses food all together, I prepare a smoothie with veggies, fruits & some seeds & nuts. But I will never ever give him plain rice only, it takes loads of time & work to get over pickiness, he is still picky, but now he eats over 10 nutritious cooked meals, 2 yrs back he used to eat carrots & green peas stew with rice on the side only. We dont buy processed or canned food, we dont even eat processed cereals.

As for being difficult, I do expect it after a long day out, he gets tired, so he finds any excuse on our way home to make himself miserable, I just tell him I know how you feel, it's ok to be upset but now we left & on our way home we cant do anything about it, how about we do (anything to distract him) at home, & we start to talk about that thing we're going to do, it works most of the time, or we just sing in the car together or talk about something funny that happened earlier during the day.

Bedtime- if he refuses to go to sleep, I reason with him, he gets extra play time but one of his bedtime books have to go, if he uses all his books time playing he doesnt get any books, I cuddle him when he cries & I give him kisses, I also tell him that I do understand that he wants to read books before sleeping but there is no time left as he used it for playing, this is a consequence, not a punishment, he used his reading time for playing, so the consequence no books as there is no time.

I dont take away toys as a consequence unless he's misusing a toy like bumping into furniture intentionally while riding his balance bike or throwing his lego around to tease me.

Cleaning up- we never had issues, but since he was much younger he "helps" in putting toys away once he's done playing, we sing clean up song, we used to race to see who can put more toys away, & so on.

If he doesnt follow I structions like using the toilet or changing to his pj we race, or I count to 100 & see if he can finish before I'm done counting, now he tries to break his record every night

He gets cuddles & kisses all day, but I'm firm, I say no, he gets a cuddle while I explain the reasons, now when he's upset or when he doesn't get what he wants he runs to me for a cuddle with a tiny cry then he feels ok & moves on.

He was a drama queen he used to cry for anything & everything, but I'm always consistent, whining & crying doesnt bother me, I dont give in, now he's older & he understands more things are mucn better than 1 yr back.

 

[JASMAK]

Re. Food - Omar is very picky he'd live on plain rice if I let him, but I dont. It was hard work to get him to eat a decent diet, I dont offer crap full stop. If he refuses to eat his meal knowing that he ate it before, he doesnt get plain rice it doesnt have any nutritious value other than filling him up, which makes it difficult to offer him any proper food later. I make sure he doesn't snack between meals, he eats 3 meals with no snacks, if he snacks in the afternoon I dont offer him lunch to make sure he eats dinner, if he eats a proper lunch I know he will not eat dinner so I make sure he gets a balanced meal for lunch. If he refuses food all together, I prepare a smoothie with veggies, fruits & some seeds & nuts. But I will never ever give him plain rice only, it takes loads of time & work to get over pickiness, he is still picky, but now he eats over 10 nutritious cooked meals, 2 yrs back he used to eat carrots & green peas stew with rice on the side only. We dont buy processed or canned food, we dont even eat processed cereals.

As for being difficult, I do expect it after a long day out, he gets tired, so he finds any excuse on our way home to make himself miserable, I just tell him I know how you feel, it's ok to be upset but now we left & on our way home we cant do anything about it, how about we do (anything to distract him) at home, & we start to talk about that thing we're going to do, it works most of the time, or we just sing in the car together or talk about something funny that happened earlier during the day.

Bedtime- if he refuses to go to sleep, I reason with him, he gets extra play time but one of his bedtime books have to go, if he uses all his books time playing he doesnt get any books, I cuddle him when he cries & I give him kisses, I also tell him that I do understand that he wants to read books before sleeping but there is no time left as he used it for playing, this is a consequence, not a punishment, he used his reading time for playing, so the consequence no books as there is no time.

I dont take away toys as a consequence unless he's misusing a toy like bumping into furniture intentionally while riding his balance bike or throwing his lego around to tease me.

Cleaning up- we never had issues, but since he was much younger he "helps" in putting toys away once he's done playing, we sing clean up song, we used to race to see who can put more toys away, & so on.

If he doesnt follow I structions like using the toilet or changing to his pj we race, or I count to 100 & see if he can finish before I'm done counting, now he tries to break his record every night

He gets cuddles & kisses all day, but I'm firm, I say no, he gets a cuddle while I explain the reasons, now when he's upset or when he doesn't get what he wants he runs to me for a cuddle with a tiny cry then he feels ok & moves on.

He was a drama queen he used to cry for anything & everything, but I'm always consistent, whining & crying doesnt bother me, I dont give in, now he's older & he understands more things are mucn better than 1 yr back.

I like this....but....it would only work if you have an only child...which I do believe yours is. Let me tell you. ...with three. ..my kids have learned to do as they are asked. They KNOW I am busy...they see it. They all help each other to. Very sweet.

 

[messica]

Wow! Those are very strict consequences! I think maybe when you've got your own you won't be able to be as harsh

I have two lol. Ages 9 and almost 11 years old. Along with parenting a total of 14 foster children over the years. When you've got your own perhaps you'll understand why having solid boundaries is absolutely necessary to raising good people


I'm not any stricter than the world is and will be to them. My children describe me as VERY loving, kind, reasonable and fair. Society (their teachers, coaches, our community etc) all say they are incredibly compassionate, intelligent and sweet little people. Much more so than their peers and that means a lot to me.

I refuse to send heathens out into the world. That's exactly what's wrong with the world today and I will not contribute to it.

I'm not here to be a friend to my children, I'm here to be a parent. There SHOULD be a difference and that's what I'm doing

I do have my own and she is a good person, not sure if you're implying she's not or if you're implying that anyone who doesn't treat their children the way you do are creating Heathens but they're absolutely not!

Wow. Just wow!

I don't think that's what she was implying .. critisising your parenting, or anyone elses. I think you were only tagged in her reply as you asumed she had no children, when in fact she does.

There are many ways to bring up nice children. It sounds like she was just giving her take on her own , not insulting other people's parenting x

Exactly, and thank you for seeing my true intent

 

[JJKCB]

Max will be 4 in March. He has always been a feisty, highly strung child. He was fighting against clothes changes from 9 months and still runs away/fights me when I try to dress him.

make him dress himself... my son dresses himself or he just doesnt get dressed, which means he cant go out (they get bored very quick with this esspecially if you plan to go somwhere they like such as the park or pizza hut but cant go because they're not dressed) they can dress themselves easily with pull on clothes from 3 years old (boys tend to be 'lazier' than girls though) but you still need to help with buttons, laces and zips

He is just exhausting. Everyday there is battle after battle. Yesterday he played with his Dad in the morning, then we all went to see Frozen and followed that by a long walk on the beach (which he loves). He still wasn't happy and wanted to do something else. And that pretty much sums him up. When we went to the zoo a few months ago we spent about 3 hrs there and on the way out he pointed out that he hadn't seen the snakes. My mother shook her head, laughed and said I was just like him as a child.

kids are just like that, I know it doesnt feel like good parenting but sometimes finding a DVD and sitting them down can be the only option (especially if you have been out all day)

But it's not just that. His appetite is appauling and has been for about 2 years. He just wants plain pasta all the time. And now his little sister (aged 27 months) is copying him and won't eat (she was an excellent eater). When he gets angry he shouts and screams and spits at me. He tells me he hates me and wants me to live elsewhere. He will push his little sister and pretend to bite me, or drag out of me.

all most all children are picky at this age, they like plain and safe foods (its actually to do with biological changes in their taste buds) my son used to eat everything including spicy sauce now he only eats chips, mild garlic bread or cheese pizza (and cookies of course)

try the naughty corner (or continue with it) I know its get tiring hearing it but it eventually works

He also whines all the time until I give in. He constantly saying he is hungry and wears me down until I give him something even though he won't have eaten his lunch or dinner. And when he does eat something he just throws the wrapper on the ground. Everyday the two of them trash each others bedrooms. Just upend boxes of toys and throw all DD's teddies all over the floor, take the duvets down off the bed etc.

once again this is just a kid thing, you need to make a stand on trashing rooms example: OH wont play with DS if he trashes his room because 'there is no where to play' he then has to help tidy instead of getting play time

im rubbish with the hungry thing as DS helps himself when im not looking (in the old house I dont even know how as we had gates and locks - we took them off because he always managed somehow anyway)

Then at bedtime he won't go to bed and now she won't either. Sometimes they do but usually me or OH have to sleep with one or both of them until they are asleep, meaning we have to go down and then clean a trashed house or leave it until the morning.

I cant help with this DS has always gone to bed and straight to sleep... dont know if we did something right or if its just luck

 

[deafgal]

^^^Max will be 4 in March. He has always been a feisty, highly strung child. He was fighting against clothes changes from 9 months and still runs away/fights me when I try to dress him.^^^^ Mine does to. I try to find distractions like a toy. Or make a game out of it.

^^^^^He is just exhausting. Everyday there is battle after battle. Yesterday he played with his Dad in the morning, then we all went to see Frozen and followed that by a long walk on the beach (which he loves). He still wasn't happy and wanted to do something else. And that pretty much sums him up. When we went to the zoo a few months ago we spent about 3 hrs there and on the way out he pointed out that he hadn't seen the snakes. My mother shook her head, laughed and said I was just like him as a child.^^^^^

When it is time to go home, it's time to go home. Don't be afraid to say so.

^^^^But it's not just that. His appetite is appauling and has been for about 2 years. He just wants plain pasta all the time^^^^^ Just make whatever. He'll eat whatever in front of him when he is hungry. I would not make special dish for someone unless they are on a special diet.

. ^^^^And now his little sister (aged 27 months) is copying him and won't eat (she was an excellent eater)^^^^^ seem like Right now she' s exploring (maybe her likes and dislikes ) but if she really does not mind certain food , she'll eat it . I doubt she will let her brother stop her eat her kind of food.

"When he gets angry he shouts and screams and spits at me. He tells me he hates me and wants me to live elsewhere. He will push his little sister and pretend to bite me, or drag out of me."sounds like he just need a little time out to cool down.

^^^^^He also whines all the time until I give in. He constantly saying he is hungry and wears me down until I give him something even though he won't have eaten his lunch or dinner. And when he does eat something he just throws the wrapper on the ground. ^^^^
Every kids I know snack like this. You are suppose to give them snacks. But healthy snacks like fruits or raisins(don't offer anything else) . Don't worry about dinner. As far as trash, ask them to pick it up or we won't go outside (or TV or whatever) until everything is cleaned up. It shouldn't be hard.


^^^^Everyday the two of them trash each others bedrooms. Just upend boxes of toys and throw all DD's teddies all over the floor, take the duvets down off the bed etc.^^^^That's how kids play. At least the kids I know. Again, I do expect them to clean up after they are done playing...but cleaning up can be overwhelming so I simplify it for them . Like i would ask them first to pick up all their blocks...when they are done , then i ask them to pick up all the yellow toys, and so on. As far as the bed, I expect the to help me make it up again .Even if it doesn't seem like they are really helping since they are so little. .shifting their focus that beds need to be made probably help because they probably don't want to deal with it.

^^^^Then at bedtime he won't go to bed and now she won't either. Sometimes they do but usually me or OH have to sleep with one or both of them until they are asleep, meaning we have to go down and then clean a trashed house or leave it until the morning.^^^^all lights off probably help but it does seem they are still cosleeping. One day they won't . A bed tent helped my son feel secure in his own bed though.

 

[leelee]

Thanks for all the replies. They are much appreciated.

Max is way better at the moment. He is much more settled and is getting himself dressed (with my help), going to bed no problem and just generally being more grown up.