attached parenting... curious...

[NoSpringChick]

...what does it mean? thnx x

 

[sublime_ivy]

this is a great blog that i follow in regards to attachment parenting.

https://www.apparenting.com/

this is a direct link where he explains what ap is https://www.apparenting.com/what_is_attachment_parenting.html

 

[mommyof3co]

Here is a link to a bunch of different articles about AP too
https://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130100.asp#back

 

[kirsten1985]

Just had a quick read of that blog, I liked it

I wouldn't say that we do attached parenting, in that we don't bed-share (not on a regular basis anyway) and I don't BF. However, I love having Freya in a sling and do so most of the time, and I like the idea of not forcing independance on her too soon. I am definitely with her and playing with her for every second that she is awake!

It must be nice to do AP completely, I think it is good for babies.

 

[sublime_ivy]

yes i think it would be lovely to do it 100%. i am almost there except for the co sleeping. Dex does come into bed with me most night but only cause i fall asleep whilst feeding him. haha

 

[kirsten1985]

Lol, I will be doing it with next baby I think. I sleep pretty close to Freya, but not in same bed. She comes in occasionally though.

 

[Tezzy]

ive done different parts of AP with both my kids

we co-sleep with Rhys (hes nearly 3) and we still wear him, i only bf him for a few weeks though
we've never co-slept with Fffion (she hated it) but we still wear her and i bf her for longer

 

[kirsten1985]

Tezzy, do you think you can tell a difference in your two as you did different things with both of them? I have thought a few times what it would be like if I co-slept and breastfed my next baby yet haven't done it with Freya.

 

[mommyof3co]

With each kid I have become more AP...with Hayden I'd say we are pretty close to 100%

With Landon I wasn't able to nurse, he didn't like to cosleep...he was a very independent baby from the very beginning...didn't wear him or anything.

Casen we started cosleeping, breastfeeding, only a little babywearing.

Hayden fully nursed, nothing else at all, self weaned. Babywearing, still. Cosleeping. Never CIO (didn't with Casen either, Landon never did either, he just never did it he slept great) Gentle discipline. Really all of it.

I have to say for me I have seen differences in our bonds, I love Landon just as much, but the bond is different. Also especially in Hayden I see it has made a big difference in how he is attached to us. He knows we will be there always, if he needs us we are there, but he's showing more independence. He doesn't get upset if we have to leave him, he waves bye and gives kisses, no tears. And we didn't leave him until he was like 20mo for the first time? Even that very first time.

I'm really all for AP, I think it's great, I feel it's best...for my kids. We now parent that way with all 3, the gentle discipline and all that that you can do with the older kids

 

[kirsten1985]

I think it's great that the more you keep them with you and the less you incourage independance the more independant they become.

I think it's like everything, they will do it when they are ready, if it's weaning, sleeping on their own, being ok somewhere without you, or anything like that, and for some babies it's earlier for some things than others. I think it's right that it should be up to them to stop doing things like BFing.

Freya was the same, she never liked co-sleeping, but does like sleeping close to the bed. I will def be doing gentle discipline too.

 

[Babyshambelle]

Olivia was the same really - hated co-sleeping and fussed all night. She much prefers being stretched out in her cot right next to our bed....and I mean RIGHT next to it! I carry her as much as is practical, but as we don't drive sometimes the pram is necessary. I haven't left her yet, apart from a 10 min walk to tescos down the road, and am not feeling pressurised into doing it despite the fact that friends and family all 'feel sorry' for me because im always 'stuck' with the baby. I BF exclusively and plan on letting her self-wean off the boob and use baby lead weaning when the time comes.

 

[Tezzy]

Tezzy, do you think you can tell a difference in your two as you did different things with both of them? I have thought a few times what it would be like if I co-slept and breastfed my next baby yet haven't done it with Freya.

yes! oh boy can i tell a difference and i KNOW its because i did things differently with them!

Rhys is so loving.. he will sit,cuddle and kiss ALL day.. he loves to fall asleep on my knee (hes curled on my chest as i type now! - wait ill take a pic!) i believe this is because we co-sleep with him.. he just wants to cuddle up and be close to people.. hes like this with everybody, his sister,his nursery staff,my friends...

He also like to be worn by his dad (not me so much) this is how they bond the most, my OH always felt uncomfortable pushing a pram.. he didnt like rhys being in one and has always prefered to wear him. I think this is another reason why Rhys likes physical contact.

Rhys also had my full on attention until he was 2 which made him hate large groups, when i used to take him to toddler groups he used to cling to me the entire session. although this has gotten better since going to nursery he is still very uncomfortable with large groups and often gets upset.

Ffion on the other hand is quite different. Where Rhys is attached to his daddy Ffion is very much my baby... i bf her for quite a while and we built a special bond. but! we never co-slept so after her feed id put her down, she learned to like her own space. now she comes to us for a cuddle/kiss but she soon moves away.. making her own space until she is ready for another cuddle.

She also still likes to be worn but again she is happy when she is let down and is ok with walking beside me.. she doesnt need physical contact so much.

Ffion has also been in nursery since she was 6mo, this has made her very confident in big groups,she has learnt to make herself heard and is very strong minded... quite boystrous in fact!

if we were having a third child *which we're not!* i would do a mixture of bf-ing,baby wearing and i would try not to put them in nursery or co-sleep. thats just my preference from past experience.

 

[Tezzy]

https://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t320/tezzy-wezzy/IMG_5451.jpg

 

[kirsten1985]

Aw! He looks so comfy

That's interesting that you would do a mixture of things.

 

[Tezzy]

i think full on AP can work for a lot of people but having 2 kids already would make me consider which aspects of it would work with our routines already..

one thing i was so pleased with was BFing second time round for longer and i would have loved to have gotten to 18months or something like that!

 

[NoSpringChick]

I havnt read those links yet (i will) but i kind of get it, its as it says really - you have the baby pretty much attached to you and it's to different degrees.

I suppose in a way i am doing it to some extent, if she is awake I am there - I dont leave her to whimper or cry, the times she has a daytime nap it's on me - she's always on me or if on the floor i am on the floor - i carry her sometimes or if not it is me pushing her pushchair or pram.
I am finding now she is showing she prefers me and has started cuddling me for a cuddles sake it seems! She is also good with other people, wont fuss but will make it known she wants to be back with me by leaning forward and staring at me!

I was afraid for a while when she was young that we wouldnt get a bond as i only bf fed her for 3 days then got my nose pushed out - couldnt get on the floor to do her nappies and hubby fed in such a way i couldnt as it hurt my c-section scar too much and by this time she wouldnt feed any other way. They had a routine going and I was just someone who happened to be there.
So I am happy to now be an attached parent (of sorts!!)

 

[Kitten]

I'd never heard of it until recently but fit it quite well. We breastfeed, babywear, I never let him cry if I can help it, he sleeps right next to my bed and comes in with me for an hour in the morning. He dictates everything but it works quite well. He's known as the 'chilled' baby amongst the mums I know as he will just sat on my knee taking everything in when we're out for coffee or whatever but I don't know if that's just him naturally! He's happy to be held by others but always knows where I am, he always has an eye on me! I'm dreading having to go back to work and planning it as much around my husbands hours as possible so he should only be in 'care' for about 3hours a day and that won't be until he's 9months old.

 

[kirsten1985]

He's known as the 'chilled' baby amongst the mums I know as he will just sat on my knee taking everything in when we're out for coffee or whatever but I don't know if that's just him naturally! He's happy to be held by others but always knows where I am, he always has an eye on me!

He sounds like Freya

 

[Kitten]

It's misleading though cos he can be a right pain at home but everyone thinks he's an angel heh.

 

[marley2580]

I think al lot of it is personality as well. I AP to some degree with both mine (co-sleep, BF, baby wear at times, don't often leave them to cry) but both my children are different. My friend is totally into AP as well but her daughter is very different from Kaya.

Oh and having a 'secure' child can be trying lol. Kaya has no fear in running away from me, I've tried the whole walking away from her in the shops and she laughs and runs the other way! Sometimes I wish she was a little bit insecure lol.