Avoiding thoughts

[NeyNey]

To be honest since joining this forum I've pretty much avoided this area, I've popped in a couple of times, but found it too heart breaking to stay.

DH and I lost a little one at 12 weeks, it happened not long after we started trying (a few cycles) - and it was a complete and utter heart crushing experience. To go from such an elated joyful feeling to this sudden crashing mournful sorrow was so exhausting. I was showing, and that was what was so horrible - watching that "bump" disappear, small as it was We really don't talk about it, and even though our families know, they never bring it up, I think they are scared to because I have never bought it up again either.

I'm terrified of going through that again. And sometimes I wonder if it is affecting our chances of TTC now? I mean people go on and on about the power of positive thinking, well what about the power of negative thinking? Does anyone else feel this way?

Every month when I test my angel comes to mind, and I begin to fear the results. Sometimes I think I'm relieved to see the BFN, can you believe that? I mean what on earth is up with that?

 

[suzan]

Oh sweetie. I am sorry about ur loss.

You know something? Though I was only 9 weeks when I lost my little one too, I was showing. I was always soooooooo bloated that I was showing. When we went to our homeland, we were on vacations so I decided to do the d&C there, some of DH's family members (women) were like "omg, she is showing and the baby is dead inside" (they thought they were whispering where in fact I was hearing them &*$%#!!).. that was heartbreaking. But then what? It's our body is what makes all this, not us, it's God.

I have put something on my head "What wasn't meant to be, it wasn't.. what's meant to be it will..." I know that eventually I will have a baby.. I hope so.. the fact that we can get pregnant is a bit more of a relief.. maybe bec u r so scared, ur body isn't functioning as it should.. I am so sure that stress affects it.. sadness affects it.. weight affects it.. everything does.!!!

Take a deep breath and think about what you want..

I say to myself "my angels are in heaven, and they surely are safe there" and the fact that we never knew what was it, boy or girl, its a relief for me bec then I would have become crazy. I consider my baby an angel whatever gender he was, I prefered not to know.. he or she is an angel.

Just try to think positively and remember how great ur pregnancy felt, having a little one inside, what about feeling it again? motherhood is amazing, and I cant wait to feel it, bec when I was pregnant, it was already there, that STRONG love I felt towards being a mom was HUGE and I do want to feel it realistically VERY SOON.

Good luck sweetie.

Updated:
A friend of mine taught me that when we think about the bad things in life, we will live in a miserable world. Try to post down in a paper the good things in life... I have made a thread about letting everything out from you in a positive way (https://www.babyandbump.com/miscarriage-loss-support/16462-all-has-had-loss-losses.html)
Dont forget about the good thing your life has, and the good things waiting for you.

 

[poppy]

I am so sorry for your loss Ney Ney,

I think all of us who have had miscarriages fear trying again and start worrying about things that could go wrong. There is a great support network on this forum that you can chat to about your feelings if you want to. PM if you want to chat.

Poppy
xxx

 

[coccyx]

Quite understandable to grieve for your loss. I have had 9 miscarriages and although they were awful, in time i had to move forward if I wanted to acheive my goal of having a baby. ( now have 3 daughters and expecting baby boy in May). You will never forget your loss, but don't let them take over your future. Hope that makes sense! Chances of a successful pregnancy are on your side. Take care

 

[Rumpskin]

I totally agree with everything said on this forum.

My ultimate dream is to be a mum and it still is. To have had the priviledge of being pregnant even though for such a short time will remain in my thoughts.

I am not going to deny myself bad days - next week, I should have had my dating scan. I am not looking forward to this day but I know that I can face it. Having had a miscarriage has made me in a strange way stronger and prepared to face a future pregnancy.

Whoever devised this forum is a god send in my eyes. Thank you xx

 

[NeyNey]

Thank you all so much for the support. I just want you all to know what it means to know that I'm not alone in my fears. Sometimes you feel so isolated because MC is not talked about generally in public. I tried to talk to my GP about it once, but felt very uncomfortable because of all the medical questions she asked, it felt very "professional" and I started to clam up about it.


So thank you again, for listening and for your wonderful advice.

 

[Alison]

Totally understand how you feel! Be strong and we have to believe that it will happen for us. We're all here to support each other.

 

[Vickie]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss

 

[Sweetie]

I was sad to read your post. It takes a really strong person to put those words to paper. Though I have no advice and I'm not sure what to tell you know that my thoughts are with you while you go through this difficult time.

 

[Always&4ever]

I'm sorry for your loss sweetie *hugs*

 

[Ersurgeongirl]

sorry to hear about your loss, but remember that miscarriages are frequent and you are not alone. actually, most of them are not a result of anything that you or your OH did or did not do. And as painful as this sounds, most of the time its due to a weird genetic mishap, so if your angel did survive, he/she would live a life of suffering anyway, so at least you know your angel isnt suffering.

it might take some time before you heal emotionally, but when you do conceive and it stays, you know it will have a better chance of survival, and that your angel is protecting you and your bean.