babies surname?? what are you doing??

[teaandchoc]

I'm so sorry your partner doesn't feel able to compromise and I know for a lot of men this is a bit of a pride issue. BUT you are your babies mum and this is a really important decision. If marriage isn't under discussion It does change the situation in my opinion. It is ultimately actually your decision. When your baby is born the midwife will record them as baby ' your surname' unless you specifically request otherwise. Then it's up to you how you register your child's name. I so hope you can reach a decision you can both feel ok with but I hope you don't feel pressured into accepting something you're not happy with that you then have to live with. You will probably be the one taking your little one to medical apts, and in the future nursery, playgroup, school. I think it's more important that your baby's name is linked to yours if marriage isn't being considered. So sorry you're going through this at a really emotional time. Hope it all works out for you both. I really don't mean to sound anti-father, it's just that your wishes and feelings are really important too x hugs x

 

[Mrs HM]

I am married but kept my name. It makes me who I am and it never occured to me to change it to my DH's. Our children have both our surnames.

Do what is right for you and your family and don't be bullied or give in to something you might live to regret. If you are happy to give your LO your OH's name that is of course fine, but don't do it for the sake of a quiet life or you may regret it.

 

[AP]

Thank you all so much for replying. I dont feel that its vital for me to have my name in there its just a preference as were not married and probably wont get married at least not for a very long time.
I think Iv made my decision anyway just wanted confirmation from outsiders xx

Don't you feel mean!!! He obviously didn't feel mean when he said no and demanded his name.

I think your plan is a good compromise if you aren't planning on getting married. This whole "tradition" thing is one bugbear of mine. It's only tradition just as much as it was "traditional" to be married before children , so the mans name would go without saying.

Names, especially surnames, can mean even more emotionally to some women. I know now, after having PND and nightmare "in-laws", that my daughter not having the same surname would have hurt so bad at that time.

 

[kmumtobe]

We've been together for ages, having another but doubt we'll ever be married. I hate not having the same surname as my son, big regret. We discussed it for so long but my surname wouldn't make a double barrel and I guess I just felt I had to go with what the done thing is it's silly but in those respects I feel I'm not a part of him. People always call me miss/mrs 'his surname' it's crap having to correct them to a different name and will only get worse once he starts school! Do what's right to you

 

[Noodlebear]

LO has OH's surname, it never even crossed my mind to do it differently and I like that they share that. It'd be lovely if we did get married and all have the same surname but at the same time it wouldn't be the end of the world if we didn't. Having a different name doesn't actually make a difference to me in the grand scheme of things, I'm still his mummy.

 

[pippi_89]

Don't feel mean! Baby is yours just as much his! If you want your name in there he'll just have to get over it!

I'm with AtomicPink, the only reason it's 'traditional' for a child to have the father's name is because couples would have already been married before having children. His name still gets passed down whether you double barrel or use your name as a mn anyway so that argument is crap!!

Personally I never considered using my name at all but the fact that you are asking tells us it means something to you. Stand by your feelings. He is!!

 

[brunettebimbo]

If we hadn't have been married out sons surname would have been double barrelled. Having the same name as my children means a lot to me.

 

[maisie78]

It didn't occur to me to give dd anything other than her Dad's surname and it will be the same with this one. We plan to marry one day so we will all have the same name one day but for now it really doesn't bother me. I have joked about calling this one by my surname so we have one each but I'm only joking

But that said if it was important to me to have my name attached to the baby's name then I wouldn't back down. You have as much right to have your name in there as he does and just because it happens to be traditional to give the man's name doesn't mean you have to go along with that.

 

[Boo44]

I'm so sorry your partner doesn't feel able to compromise and I know for a lot of men this is a bit of a pride issue. BUT you are your babies mum and this is a really important decision. If marriage isn't under discussion It does change the situation in my opinion. It is ultimately actually your decision. When your baby is born the midwife will record them as baby ' your surname' unless you specifically request otherwise. Then it's up to you how you register your child's name. I so hope you can reach a decision you can both feel ok with but I hope you don't feel pressured into accepting something you're not happy with that you then have to live with. You will probably be the one taking your little one to medical apts, and in the future nursery, playgroup, school. I think it's more important that your baby's name is linked to yours if marriage isn't being considered. So sorry you're going through this at a really emotional time. Hope it all works out for you both. I really don't mean to sound anti-father, it's just that your wishes and feelings are really important too x hugs x

And also actually, when you're still in the hospital after delivering, the baby HAS to have your name so they can identify it with you. When the women say 'oh but he/she's actually going to be ...' they always say you can name the baby whatever you like when you register them, but in here they have to have your name

I married before starting my family so it wasn't an issue for me. Interestingly though, my mum and dad always seem a bit wistful that their grandsons don't have their name. Not seriously so as they have plenty of grandchildren via my brothers who do, but I suppose it is a shame for them in a way! X