Baby born at 28 weeks

[Emcee2012]

I am a mess...
baby girl born last sunday when i was due at the end of august..

i blame myself for all of this..
i cry all the time..
I cant stand looking at pregnant women..as i feel mine was imcomplete..

anyways, what can be done.. i need help

 

[buzzy]

Big hugs to you

 

[Emcee2012]

thank you

 

[staky89]

Hiya. My little girl was also born at 28 weeks. Let me no if you have any questions

 

[Srrme]

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. My oldest was born at 28.6 weeks. If you need anything, we're all here.

 

[vermeil]

Hello and welcome! Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

First please don`t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, this is not your fault in any way. You need to focus on your little one now, give them all of your attention. In no time you`ll settle into a routine and that scary nicu will become a second home (yes yes really, noise and lights included).

I don`t know which hospital you`re in (I`m in Montreal too) but do ask to speak with a psychologist. At ste-justine they have this WONDERFUL lady who just wanders between the preemie rooms and asks the parents how they are. She became my anchor. When I wasn`t feeling social I`d just nod and say hello. Other times I cried for an hour while talking to her. It was a HUGE help. There is absolutely no shame in asking, all she will do is listen and nod. You don`t have to leave your baby`s side, they will come to your nicu room and just talk. You need to let go of the guilt which is very hard and they can help you through that. The nurses can help too. Don`t hesitate to ask them any questions you have. If you don`t understand their answer, ask them to explain it differently.

Also Prema-Quebec has a hotline where you can speak with other preemie moms. They hold regular meetings in all Montreal hospitals where you can meet with other parents going through the same thing. They are a great gang, I also got to know them well during those long months

https://premaquebec.ca/

Another thing that helped me a LOT was to NOT talk with my family or friends. I know this is an outlet for some but I just couldn`t do it. I was crying all the time too. I would call my mom once every evening, tell her the news of the day. Everyone else, friends and family would call her. That way I only had to retell the details once and not even give a second thought as to the rest of the world. Sounds over the top but I really needed that bubble of peace to deal with all the craziness of the nicu.

28 weeks is very good and your little one should be fine. If you have any questions please don`t hesitate to ask.

You can look at pics before and after in my sig - I poured through those pics when my little guy was doing poorly, I clung to those happy endings.

*hugs* sending you positive vibes

 

[Emcee2012]

hi ladies!!
First i made a mistake..my baby girl was born at 29.2 weeks..She is today 31 weeks old.thank you all for the support..i do need it a lot..
my bf doesnt know what to do..he is super worried..i can just cry at any time and I just cant help myself..and i also dont want to bother him with all my worries so i dont really talk to him..but he talks to me and tries to cheer me up.
I am in Montreal and my child is at the Jewish General hospital..not Ste Justine.
I did find prema quebec and I called as well..didnt get a chance to get a phone meeting as the counselor wasnt around.
I do blame myself a a lot. For my first child,the same happened but at 32 but was able to keep her in til 37..was put on bed rest and hospitalized for 1 week.

With this one, the evening of my labor i should have just gone to the hospital...not knowing they were contractions.when i got there i was already 10 cm dialated..i blame myself for the fact that i waited too long....

the moments i gave birth and the labor keep on playing in a loop in my head ..over and over..quite annoying but that makes me cry..

I have no idea what to do and get over everything..

NICU is my second home, we are there everyday, we know everyone and they know us..

 

[laila 44]

Hugs to you. I'm also in montreal and had my first daughter at the Jewish, great staff and amazing ward. Would u mind if I ask who your obstetrician is? Sending u many good vibes xx

 

[jandksmommy]

It is still very fresh... the bad memories of her birth will start to fade and be replaced with wonderful ones. What you are going through is the hardest thing I have ever faced (my little girl was born at 23 weeks). The emotional rollercoaster is completely natural, so is blaming yourself but I can't tell you enough that it is NOT your fault. Playing the 'what if' or 'if I had only' game in your mind will only drive you nuts. You had no way of knowing this was going to happen and even if you had, you probably couldn't have stopped it anyways. What matters now is that she is here!! And she will grow stronger everyday and before you know it, she will be home.

Talk to your bf! The truth is that men try to hide their emotions and worries from us because they think they need to be strong for us but I bet he is feeling the same worries and has a heartbreak of his own. Talk to him, and lean on each other. Having a preemie is very hard on a relationship especially if both parents try to deal with their pain separately.

Cry!! If you need to cry... cry. Don't apologize for it, don't feel bad about... just do it. It is a natural emotional release and in this situation, I think it is the healthiest thing you can do. Cry as hard you need to, then wipe your eyes and nose, and smile at your beautiful baby girl! My little one is 8 months old now and is perfect but sometimes when I think back to her birth and 4 long months in the NICU, I still need to shed a few tears.

It's going to get easier. Sending you and your little one lots of hugs.

 

[Emcee2012]

hi! my doc is at St Mary's..my daughter was transfered to jewish because they have a great NICU..thanks for the good vibe..i absolutely need it xoxo

Hugs to you. I'm also in montreal and had my first daughter at the Jewish, great staff and amazing ward. Would u mind if I ask who your obstetrician is? Sending u many good vibes xx

 

[Emcee2012]

Thanks a lot for your support..
She now has NEC and Staph..they dont know if she will need surgery yet..she is on multiples meds + ventilator..i cant even hold her anymore..for at least 10 days..
Nec started because of the fortifier they put in my milk..i understand its protocol but im still mad..
i want her home and safe with me so I can protect her and help her grow..i feel helpless..guilty..im so tired ladies..i have no energy for anything else..

 

[laila 44]

Hang in there... I'm sure everything will work out, just try to be brave and patient. Baby needs you to give her positive strong healing thoughts. Hopefully this will soon all be a distant memory. You are in my prayers xx

 

[vermeil]

*gentle hug* you can do this. My son had NEC and staph too, sepsis (blood infection, pretty serious), brain bleeds, even a ruptured lung. He beat all those and is now healthy with no long term effects. Your precious one will beat these too. These small creatures are amazingly resilient. She knows you love her, she recognizes your voice even if you can`t pick her up. Honestly I think when they are sick it`s better to just place a hand on them and talk / sing to them.

 

[Emcee2012]

Thank you all for all your kind words..
my daughter's staph is gone..NEC almost but she cant be fed..even tho she is STARVING, she is always crying because she is hungry.so we give her the pacifier with 'sucrose' to cal her down
she also has pneumonia now..
i do feel like crying..
but yeah i keep my positiveness to the highess when im near her..
I did kangaroo today for the first time in more than a week and i feel much better and i know she did too cause she stopped crying and fell asleep within minutes..
cant wait to be home with her..

 

[jandksmommy]

You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.