Baby Daddy left. anyone have something happen similar to my story? help!

[rburke]

The Story is VERY long so I will try to sum it up as much as possible:

Bradley and I dated for 2 years starting at the beginning of our senior year of high school (We are both 19, i turn 20 in november and he in december). He started cheating on me right form the very beginning but I liked him SO much that I always forgave him. He always had a "girl on the side" and was always flirting and doing things behind my back...and sometimes I WOULD find out. In December 2009 I got pregnant on accident and when he saw the positive test...he started acting very different. I told my mom and we told his mom, and he decided to leave me. He used the words "I just don't love you anymore...I just stopped" I was devastated and the extreme stress ended up in a miscarriage. About a week after I miscarried I get a phone call from a mutual friend of mine and Brad's. She told me she was having an awful day because of her boyfriend and asked me to go to dinner with her. At dinner she proceeded to tell me that she was pregnant. Not with her boyfriend's baby... but Brad's. She said the two of them had been seeing each other behind my back for the past year. To make things worse she started reading me texts he was sending to her about "how excited he was to have this baby" and that "she was going to be the best mommy" it made me sick. he had left me and wanted nothing to do with me while i was pregnant...but now with her he was "overjoyed". The next day I was admitted into a mental hospital by my mom because I was extremely suicidal. Brad visited me at the hospital and told me that the girl had been lying the whole time. She was never even pregnant. I was...extremely lost and confused, and ended up taking him back. (big mistake). Things were going well but I was very hurt by all his cheating so I decided to get revenge by kissing his friend. (the plan backfired and his friend became borderline obsessed with me) but after that Brad told me he wanted to marry me. He had a ring and everything and was always asking me if I would. I told him it would never work because my family really didn't like him. So then he said "Then let's make a family! Becca I want nothing more than to spend my entire life with you. You are my world and this is the ultimate commitment. I will be connected to you for the rest of my life. I will never do what I did to you last time... I want to do this right. Have a baby and start a family with you. This is what I want!" And I thought it was so romantic. He asked me to stop taking my birth control and I did... and I got pregnant very quickly.
In the beginning of my pregnancy everything was great. But then he became very distant and stopped wanting to see me or do things with me. So he broke up with me. Started seeing the girl who lied about the pregnancy before...then she moved away and then he begged me to take him back. I did. Then he broke up with me again. Then had sex with a girl he had known for four days. Then realized he wanted me more than anything. So I took him back. I told him if he was not serious that I would really lose it...he reassured me. He wanted me and this baby forever. Then a month later, when I'm about 18 weeks...he breaks up with me over the phone. He just "Stopped loving me" ...again. He can't "force himself to love me just because of a baby" and he wants to "live his life". Well once again I ended up in the hospital for being suicidal. When I got out he and I didn't talk for a month. When we finally did...he was very rude and very disrespectful. Always telling me how he was SO over me and only had stayed with me because he felt like he HAD to because of the baby. How I made his miserable and I drove him insane and I was the only person in the world who makes him feel so crazy. He also told me he is actively searching for the girl of his dreams. And just 4 dys ago he said "Becca, at least wait until after the baby is born to kill yourself." When I wasn't even suicidal!!!!! HE IS THE ONLY REASON I EVER WANTED TO KILL MYSELF....and he tells people I am psycho and it makes him look like some poor guy who got "stuck" having a baby with me...when he actually planned this baby!! he wont admit it to anyone but me and his mom!!! I am not suicidal and do NOT plan on killing myself AT all... I am very excited for my baby GIRL!!! but i just need to know....
Is this how he is going to be forever? He claims he wants to be in our daughter's life but has not made any effort and I am just so confused. I just want him to disappear. (And the sad part is another part of me wants him to man up and BE with me...but i KNOW that is not healthy) I'm also struggling to decide who's last name to give her :/

I just want to know if anyone can relate? Is there ANY hope that he will grow up and be the father I think that he can be? I've accepted the fact that I am going to be a single mother...and that is very hard. But i just don't know how much of HIM i can handle...even when we aren't together.

 

[gemabee]

hey hun this is a horrible nd very very sad story nd i'm really sorry u've been put through this.
its obvious however that before this baby was conceived u were both very very immature - which is understandable u are both only young, nd the choices nd decisions made on ur part were a desperate attempt to keep this man... where he is jus like so many men i have seen... controlling nd pathetic.
i know its too late now but i genuinly can't understand why women take back men who cheat on them... particularly the amount of times this man cheated on u. he blatently has no respect for u at all.
gettin pregnant on purpose may not have been the most logical or mature thing for u to do... but the outcome of it is that is has helped u to mature nd see what u want out of life (ie. a happy life for u nd ur little girl)...
my story isn't the same as urs... but in the past i have suffered severe depression nd admitted to hospital twice because of suicide attempts... so i know what its like when u get that depressed nd lost.
the best thing i can suggest is to not bother with this loser. AT ALL. nd i mean at all. u need to get him out of ur head nd life.
he does seem like the kind of person who won't bother with this child... nd even if he does u need to tell him that u will set up visitation etc through the court system AFTER the child is born... there is no reason whatsoever for u to have contact with him at all.
this is a really sad story nd i hope u can stay away from this controllin man for the sake of ur sanity nd child... it worries me that he will turn round nd decide he wants u back again... only to cheat on again nd leave u even more messed up with a child to look after.

 

[lal]

I agree w/ Gemabee, this guy sounds awful, like he is always chasing the girl he doesn't have...and I've never been suicidal over it, but yes, this is my baby's father also, he has always "rotated" girls and made them all insecure and miserable, including me. Can you afford a therapist? I've started going to one, and she has helped a lot with seeing how these guys operate, and that it is not you they are rejecting (or the baby), it is the commitment.

Also, something she has said that has really stuck with me is "he is going to make someone miserable for the rest of her life, don't let it be you". Meaning that even if he does "end up" with someone else, he will treat her badly too. Right now is our chance to take control of this - if you decide, right now, to do whatever it takes to get away from him, you will have closure...if you keep letting him in and out, he will lose interest and disappear, and you will be stuck waiting and have sooooo much more trouble getting over him.

Nobody can tell you what last name to use, it is a very big and personal decision - from the sounds of it, though, I'd do everything possible to cut ties with this guy, including giving the baby your last name. If he ever does grow up (unlikely) you can change it if you want to. If he is a terrible father and she has his last name, you'll be stuck with it.

I know you will hear this (I do) over and over, and it doesn't sink it while you're carrying someone's child, but he is a jerk and always will be - he doesn't deserve to be part of your life. If at all possible, I'd move away like the other girl did. These guys will never let go, their ego needs you (and the other 10 or so girls they play mind games with) too badly.

There IS someone out there who will treat you well and care about you and this baby. You are young, do not settle for this horrible trashy life he is trying to trap you in!!! If this is what it takes, move on knowing that it is the one thing that will bring him crawling (but I promise by then you won't want him anymore).

 

[gemabee]

"he is going to make someone miserable for the rest of her life, don't let it be you" -

this is the most empowering quote i think u can take with u throughtout all of this... every time u feel like u want him back... say it to urself.

BE STRONG xx

 

[rburke]

Thank you both.... i know it was a very immature choice, but at the time i felt so desperate. I do not regret my choice however because i am so excited for my daughter.

I am trying my hardest to cut ties but being so young both of our families have gotten in the way and are very opinionated and are trying to "control the situation" for us....

I want to be able to make choices on my own as an adult and a monther but I feel like everyone is trying to step in and make these choices for me...when none of them know what i'm going through of how i feel.

 

[lal]

If you need your family's help, you may have to at least pretend to take their advice for a bit which I can only hope they want you to stay away from this guy?