Baby in college??

[JaieMarie]

Hi all,

I'm looking for support and advice.

I'm a junior in college (will graduate in 2017) and I work a part time job in marketing and recruitment. My husband and I got married this past summer (July 2015). My husband is also set to graduate in 2017. I know most people wait until graduation but my baby fever has been extremely real for about a year. In the area I grew up in, it's extremely normal to already be having babies. Quite a few of my family and friends are either pregnant, have one child, or two. However, lots of people have been telling me to wait with no real reasons behind their thinking other than others are waiting.

I suppose what I'm looking for are peoples experiences and advice about either side of the equation- waiting or going for it. Has anyone had a child while in college and has advice on how to make it work/why to avoid it?

 

[stellababy]

I would wait a little while, at least time it so you get pregnant a few months before graduation. A baby consumes your life at least for the first few months so you will not be able to focus on finishing your education. Of course you know what's best for your family, just my two cents

 

[staralfur]

I had my LO just before my 3rd year of university (she was a surprise) and honestly, I would not choose that for myself. It was so, so much harder than I thought it was going to be. I ended up not finishing any of my classes the first semester I was back (it started a month after my LO was born) because it was just too much. I then took an extra semester off and then had to lighten my course load for each of the following semesters... it's taken me 4 years to finish my final 2 years.

The actual going to class part wasn't so bad as it's not much different than ladies that have to go back to work right away, but trying to find time at home with a young baby (or toddler, as I'm experiencing now in my final class) when you're exhausted/busy with LO to get assignments done, studying for exams, etc. was and is really, really hard for me. I've sacrificed both my grades and time with my LO. Like I said, not something I would choose to do again.

 

[Symphony7]

My thought is why WOULDN'T you wait? If you don't have an oopsie and are not on a timeline because of age or other health factors why would you willingly put yourself through that extra work and not be able to devote your attention fully to either your baby or your education? 2017 is a year away...it will go by faster than you think.

I am 29 this year and have been waiting for 3+ years. I went to graduate school and then have been working for a year before we will try. I have wanted a family the whole time, and have watched friends and family have multiple babies while waiting. But I am glad I waited, I will be more able to focus on my child without having to go to school.

 

[BSelck24]

Girl wait until graduation! I have both my undergraduate and graduate degrees and COULD NOT IMAGINE completing either of them with my son! I agree that you could start trying a few months before you graduate, but even being sick while pregnant and having to study, and write papers and work would be so hard! Yes you are married, and yes your age is fine as well, but my #1 reason for you to wait is to finish school!! You're so close, you can do it!

 

[AliJo]

My son was a surprise and I found out I was pregnant about a week classes started. My first year in the nursing program to top it off. I could have waited to start, but I really wanted to get through the program as soon as possible so I stuck it out.

My pregnancy was a breeze with no complications and little discomfort. I was fortunate, but that isn't always the case.

Then I gave birth to him, final semester of my first year in the program. Again no complications. Also not always the case.

Now this is the part that I absolutely hated. Leaving my newborn, barely over a week old, to go back to class. It tore me apart every time till I graduated.

Do I regret it? No, I don't.. not one minute of it. My grades dropped because I was exhausted and my time went to my son before anything. He was a surprise though. I wouldn't have planned it that way.

I won't tell you what I think is best. That's my story. Now I have a toddler while I'm trying to finish my associates degree in nursing. I manage, but it is tough. Not just on me, but on my son, and my OH.

 

[MindUtopia]

If you only have another year, I would wait until after you finish. Being pregnant while in school is fine (you'll be exhausted and need to go to bed early some nights), but it's absolutely doable. But assuming you actually want to take some time off with baby when he/she arrives, even if it's only several months, I would power through and graduate and plan for an arrival shortly thereafter. That way you can use your time at home to look for your first job if you plan to go back to work. If you don't plan to go back to work in the near future, at least you won't have to be worrying about going to school while balancing having a baby. I had my daughter in the middle of a 7 year PhD program. That for us worked as we definitely didn't want to wait another 4 years before we had our first (when I would have been 36, I was 32 when I did have her). I also was at a point in my degree when I could take time off and come back easily and where I didn't have to attend classes anymore. I did everything from home as I was just writing my dissertation. For us this worked as it meant I could save on childcare for the year I took off on a leave of absence (and I also had 9 months of paid maternity, so financially it was good for us too). The struggle is that when you go back to school, you need to find childcare. That's fine if you have grandparents around who can provide it for free, but we don't. I now pay the equivalent of about $1200 a month for childcare so I can finish school. It's basically all I make (it's more than our rent!), but that's fine because we didn't want to wait until I was in my mid to late 30s to have our first and having her when we did afforded me a lot of time at home because I have the freedom to take off (but then had to come back for another 3 years). If you're so close to being done, I would finish with plans for a baby just after. It would be a lot easier to not be worrying about and paying for school when you want to just be with your baby, assuming your age and the time you have left isn't a factor. If you were 40, yes, I can see how there would be more urgency, but if you aren't I'd get that out of the way first. We're now planning to have our 2nd (and last), aiming to start trying in September so that at the very earliest baby would arrive in June. I graduate in May. I'll take a year off then to be at home while starting my job search so that I have a job ready to go by the following summer.

 

[Tasha S.]

I got married right before starting my undergraduate degree in university, a four year program. I also had really bad baby fever, and got pregnant during the summer after my first year. Unfortunately, I miscarried later that summer. I was so completely crushed. It took me 6 months to conceive again (I conceived the first cycle for my first pregnancy.). I completed 3 years worth of classes in 2 academic years (by course overloading and going full time during the summer). I gave birth in September, in what would have been my 3rd year. I took that whole year off to be with my daughter. I then went back full time to complete my last year. I got pregnant again right before going back to school for the last year, and literally missed the last 3 days of school because I had given birth. I'm so proud of what I've accomplished, but it was oh-so-hard. I wouldn't change a thing, but I'd never do that again, if that makes any sense! Sometimes when I look back on things, I'm grateful that my first pregnancy didn't work out (please don't take this wrong, I've never been so heartbroken in my life, and I still wish I "knew" that baby.). But if I would have had that first baby, I know I wouldn't have been able to finish my degree, and that was really important to me. I was 20 when I lost my baby, almost 22 when I had my daughter, and am now 24 with a degree and two kids. I hope this helps!

 

[greats]

I'm in my last semester of my senior year right now and have 2 kids! I went back to college when my oldest was 10 months old. I became unexpectedly pregnant with my second and lucked out bc I had her in July so was on summer break lol It's VERY difficult tbh. But is doable! You need an amazing support system in order to succeed whether that be family or a fantastic babysitter. I lucked out BC I have 2 night classes and 1 online class this semester so hubby watches the girls while I'm at school. I finally graduate this May!

 

[Jezika]

MindUtopia - I'm in the same position as you, just a third way through a combined MA/PhD and just started TTC because if we waited till I'm done with school and internship and licensing etc., I'd be 35-36 and we wanted to get a head start in case we run into problems.

JaieMarie - I think the other ladies here have given some great advice from person experience, and while I can't give you as great insight because I don't have kids, I will say that I cannot imagine having had a baby in undergrad. I'm very apprehensive even about doing it during grad studies atm, even though in PhD there is much less class time and a lot more freedom/independence. As well as my demanding course load in undergrad (not sure what it's like for other programs), I needed to achieve stellar grades to get into my grad program, so I had to be 100% focused. If you're just wanting your degree without any pressure for good grades, don't mind possibly being under a lot of stress, don't mind delaying graduation and don't mind spending some time away from baby early on (AND can afford it), then you'll likely have no regrets. However, if you're only a year out, that's really not too long to wait, especially if you time it so that you begin TTC at a time when the EDD would be past your graduation date. Good luck in your decision either way!

 

[mikaelarae]

I am a junior too. I am graduating spring 2017. I have decided to TTC this summer and give birth in my last semester or thereafter. I am taking a ton of summer classes this summer so that my last can be only 2 classes and online! My husband is in the military for 3 more years and after he would be in school, and I'd work. This is perfect time for me to be a SAHM

 

[MindUtopia]

MindUtopia - I'm in the same position as you, just a third way through a combined MA/PhD and just started TTC because if we waited till I'm done with school and internship and licensing etc., I'd be 35-36 and we wanted to get a head start in case we run into problems.

JaieMarie - I think the other ladies here have given some great advice from person experience, and while I can't give you as great insight because I don't have kids, I will say that I cannot imagine having had a baby in undergrad. I'm very apprehensive even about doing it during grad studies atm, even though in PhD there is much less class time and a lot more freedom/independence. As well as my demanding course load in undergrad (not sure what it's like for other programs), I needed to achieve stellar grades to get into my grad program, so I had to be 100% focused. If you're just wanting your degree without any pressure for good grades, don't mind possibly being under a lot of stress, don't mind delaying graduation and don't mind spending some time away from baby early on (AND can afford it), then you'll likely have no regrets. However, if you're only a year out, that's really not too long to wait, especially if you time it so that you begin TTC at a time when the EDD would be past your graduation date. Good luck in your decision either way!

What are you studying? I'm in Sociology. Yes, totally agree about grad school being slightly different, as it's more like a job. I've essentially worked from home for the last 4 years, with the exception of travel for meetings, research data collection and conferences, which is different than having to go somewhere to take classes at prescribed times. It's also a bit more common for folks in grad school to be having kids, because most of us are getting kinda old, so there is a lot more support and community amongst other student parents. I'm sure there is also some of that in undergrad as well, but I think most people but not all, of course, doing undergrad are obviously 18-22, so they're thinking about partying rather than kids. If nothing else, I think the best reason to wait, if you have time and age on your side, is so you can enjoy your little one. They are only small for such a short time, and if you miss out on those initial weeks and months because you are stressed about school, then you never get that back (nor the bonding time which is so critical for their development and wellbeing).

 

[aidensxmomma]

I'm currently in my first semester of my degree and I'm looking at going to school for the next 6 years or so. I'm also 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and a mom to two older children. I had my first child while I was in high school and had my second shortly after I graduated. This is also not my first time going to college since they've been born. That being said...

It was rough. I know high school isn't college, but being pregnant and going to school was just tough. And my pregnancy with my first born was incredibly easy. Same with my second. But there were some struggles and I ended up fighting with the school a lot in regards to accommodations I needed because I was pregnant (being able to keep water bottles with me, getting to take needed medications during the day, etc.) It was easier with my second because I was going to an alternative school with a different schedule.

My first time in college was when my children were toddler age. I had an amazing support system - my grandma lived next door to me and was my full-time babysitter. However, I sacrified a lot of time with my children and it was hard on me emotionally. I only completed one semester before dropping out to stay home full time.

This time around, I had been TTC before I decided to go back to college. OH and I had been trying for around 9 months when I made the decision to restart my degree. A month before classes started, I found out I was pregnant. We were TTC for a year at that point, so I was obviously beyond thrilled to be pregnant. And I wasn't worried about college at all because I've been through school while pregnant before and it wasn't an issue then. I don't have the support system I used to, though, since all of my family lives almost 2 hours away from me. Fortunately, my kids are in school full-time, though, so I was able to create a class schedule that worked around that. However, this pregnancy has made college difficult and I've only been going a week. I've had a lot of issues with nausea and exhaustion this pregnancy and it makes going to class (especially early morning classes and my 8-hour long days) really hard. And while this pregnancy has been my most difficult one so far, it's by no means complicated in the grand scheme of things - it's just normal pregnancy symptoms. It's also not really an age thing either - I'm 24 and it's only been 4 years since my last pregnancy. I have also had to make a lot of changes to my plans because I'm due on September 4th, which is the beginning of the fall semester. There is no possibly way I would want to go back to school immediately after having a baby. I know I won't feel well enough to and I don't want to leave my baby that young. So I've decided to take off for the fall semester and go back in Spring, when baby is around 4 months old. I may only go back part-time, though, which will make my degree take longer.

It's always possible to go to college while having a baby/being pregnant. You can always make it work. But my suggestion would be to wait. It's only a year and at that point you'll be more able to focus on your pregnancy/baby. I do really understand the feeling of wanting a baby and wanting a baby now - I was waiting to try for around 3 years...and not just waiting, but really wanting a baby. It can be difficult to deal with those feelings but sometimes you just know that it's better to wait. And if you can set a date for when to TTC (such as spring 2017 after graduation) it makes waiting a little bit easier because you have something to look forward/count down to. Plus, while you wait you can use that time to focus on creating healthy habits, start taking vitamins, and start preparing your body/brain for TTC.

I'm sorry for making this so long. I get a little carried away. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. In reality you can ask for all sorts of advice, but only you and your OH know what's best for you and your (future) family. Good luck making your decision

 

[Jezika]

What are you studying? I'm in Sociology. Yes, totally agree about grad school being slightly different, as it's more like a job. I've essentially worked from home for the last 4 years, with the exception of travel for meetings, research data collection and conferences, which is different than having to go somewhere to take classes at prescribed times. It's also a bit more common for folks in grad school to be having kids, because most of us are getting kinda old, so there is a lot more support and community amongst other student parents.

I'm in Clinical Psychology. Coursework is bit sparser in PhD but there are also two years of part time practicum and a one-year full time internship in addition to the research and other clinical meetings, so it's still fairly demanding. But, like you said, quite a few women in my program have kids and make it work, far more than in undergrad.

 

[tkeith8109]

My husband and I were in college when we decided to have a family and it was difficult. I ended up having to drop out on numerous occasions because I couldn't handle work, my little girl, and my husband being gone all of the time. My husband finished his degree, but it was much harder than we thought. In my opinion I would wait. At least until your due date is well after you graduate. It will be more worth it in the end. Also, you need to consider if you don't have an awesome pregnancy and need to take time off or if you have the baby during a semester then you'll miss 6 weeks of school. Good luck to you.

 

[ja14]

I'm in a different situation than you, but I've been thinking about going back to college.
I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant. I had not been planning on going back to school, but recently I've been considering it. I plan to be a SAHM mom for the first year, and if I go back to school I will mostly be doing online classes, especially at first. I've taken online classes in the past, so I don't really think it will be much of an issue. It's after the first year I'm worried about!
When I was in school the first time, I was also working full time, which was a struggle for me. I also didn't really have my mind set for school.
Now, I have a positive mindset about school, and I will not be adding work into the mix, because I will have the support of my husband.

I'm trying not to be naive about it though, because I know I will need near perfect grades since I made poor decisions the first time around.

 

[Louisa N]

I'm a degree student with 2 young children and I would always advise people to wait until after graduation. It is doable but it so much harder now I have children. For example time management can be tricky. If you're lucky enough to have family who will care for the child whilst you're at college then that can make things easier. I don't and my eldest is in school and my youngest goes to nursery so in order to make it back in time for their after school clubs closing I leave uni an hour before the end of the day. My male tutors are great and help me catch up with the things I miss during the final hour of the day but not all tutors are accepting of students having family commitments, particularly female tutors for some reason!

 

[pandacub]

I would also advise waiting.
I'm in my second year of uni with a 5 year old, and even though he is older, it's still difficult to fit everything into one day!
Also, considering pregnancy, you may find you have a rough time, especially in the first trimester. I fell pregnant early this year (sadly miscarried) but I felt so incredibly sick and exhausted, I was going to bed at 7 and sleeping until the morning! As a result, I got an awful mark on a module, but there's no way I could make myself stay up in the evenings.

Saying that, most of the women on my course have families (I think we're all mature students apart from 2!) and one lady even had a baby last August and has still kept up with everything.. Don't ask me how