Baby last name dilemma

[JayMari]

How many of you ladies are giving your child his/her fathers last name? I'm not talking about the married women with husbands who live together and have a stable life, I'm 18 and I have a boyfriend. We aren't married so I see no reason for my child and him to share last names. I understand this is his first son, as well as it is mine... But I feel like I will regret it in the future. I want to do it to make him happy I guess, but I won't be happy about it. Any valid points as to why or why not someone should give their child their fathers last name?

 

[medic9114fun]

What about hyphenating yours as his?

 

[jem77]

My husband and I were not married, or even engaged when DD was born, so I understand where you are coming from. Even though I knew we would eventually be getting married, it was very hard for me to give DD his last name. I had a very hard time trying to figure out what to do. I really wanted DD to have he same last name as me! I ended up giving her DH's name.
It's a very hard and personal decision. You need to do what your heart tells you to do. Don't let anyone talk you into something just because it's the "norm".
Good luck!

 

[Mummymoo_x]

Me and my boyfriend arent married, and to be honest havent got any plans too anytime soon. However, he is the father so i am 100% choosing to use his last name, even if we never get married. Also i prefer his last name to mine.

 

[jesssika]

It's a personal choice. No one can tell you what to do about a situation like this... Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? That's probably the first step you need to take.

 

[Ninagrrl]

I'm not married and having my second child with my OH. I also have no plans to get married any time soon. My son has his fathers name and this baby also will. For me, I really don't care either way but family members would have issues with it, especially my father. My father is already upset that I'm not married, but to give my baby my last name instead of the fathers would be even worse. My father grew up not realizing who his father was even though he did meet him. It was a big deal at the time since he was born in 1948. He was called names (the b word) because his mother had a child out of wedlock with her late husbands brother.

Since it doesn't really bother me, why not just avoid it. It really is personal for each person. I would suggest talking to your bf and weigh out your personal reasons with his personal reasons, and then make your decision.

 

[Dream.dream]

My personal opinion is if your not married baby gets moms name even if things are good with babies dad.

It's very easy for you both to go down and change it later if you both agree an are going to get married or he's around still after a few years, however if you give the baby dads last name and he buggers off or you don't work out it can be extremely difficult to change it without his permission .

And as a person with a hyphenated name it really is not something I would put on anyone else without their choosing . As a child it was difficult for me to explain to people and to this day I get frustrated having to spell it to people or put it on forms .

 

[missk1989]

I gave my lo his dads last name as im so sure we will be together and hope to get married in the future. If i had any doubt about our future together then i would have given him my last name.

 

[CVR1986]

Our baby will have her dads name. She will also have the same middle name but spelt differently. I did consider hyphenating but it doesnt sound right. Besides I have a fairly common last name and oh doesnt.

 

[lozzy21]

Niamh has my OH's last name, when she was born we had no plans to get married. We lived together, been together for 4 years and were in a stable relationship. I knew that even if me and him broke up he would always be a big part of her life.

 

[Louise88]

Me and my oh aren't married yet, we gave our daughter his surname and will with this baby to for me it feels right doing that though and the fact I hate my surname so it wasn't a hard choice for me.

I think if you know your relationships strong and you's will get married then I'd say his name if you think you's could split up in the near future then I don't see why you can't give baby your name and have it changed if you's get married if that makes sense lol

When I went to register my daughter the woman asked me about 5 times if I deffinatly wanted her to have my partners surname as its hard to change if we split up and its very common women try and change it to their surname once they split up with FOB.

 

[lornapj83]

We're not married but our kids have double barrelled last names so there names are kirk-baba Ali

 

[AP]

DD1 got my name until we were married. Far easier to change it TO his than FROM his.
And of course when we got married it was an important day for the whole family, not just me and him, but LO too.
I'll never get the whole giving the fathers name thing myself though, the mothers name is just as important, I dont get why the fathers name trumps each time.

 

[JJKCB]

the dads name

my parents where married and my dad was useless Im lucky ive Ive seen him once a year every year of my life

my mam and step dad are not married, he has been there for me and my half brother (his son) since I was 4 (4 years before my brother was born)

being married means nothing, I know lots of married parents that split not long after children

as for why the mans name, you carry the baby, you feel the baby, you bond with the baby, you make all decision regarding the baby (if you want to eat something, drink, something, smoke something or even the decision to keep the baby or not the man has no legal right to intervene) they wait 9 months to finally get their chance with there baby and to be told that the baby wont even have their name (basically the only thing they get) it must be like the child is not even theirs... no matter weather you are a couple on weather you hate each other that baby will always be his child regardless of if you like it or not so he should have the equal right to parentship and bonding

 

[Caitie44]

My parents weren't married when they had me, and gave me a hyphenated last name. I've always hated it. It's incredibly frustrating having to explain to people I have two last names, there's a hyphen, etc etc. It just gets annoying.

I'm 18, my boyfriend and I aren't getting married anytime soon, but our daughter will be getting his surname. Even if we end up splitting, he'll always be a huge part of her life, and I just have no interest in giving her my surname. But it's all up to the specific person - if you want to give your child your last name, do so. I'd definitely discuss it with your boyfriend before making any definite decisions, unless the 2 of you aren't on speaking terms.

 

[pippi_89]

Personal opinion but I think it is a bit selfish not to give dad's name, even if you are not married. As mothers we get 9 months of bonding with the child before it is even born, taking the father's surname is the first real bond a man has with his baby.

At the end of the day, it is his child too and whatever happens in your relationship with him he will always be that child's father. He deserves some connection to them.

Not giving his name is like saying straight off 'this relationship is not going to work out' and if that is the case, why are you having a child together?
(not to sound judgemental because I had an unplanned child out of marriage at the age of 19)



just noticed pp says pretty much the same thing

 

[Bartness]

Jaxon has his dads last name...even though I prefer my last name..OH is his daddy and always will be...so he has the very common last name.

 

[xjesx]

Father's last name unless the father as relinquished all parental rights.

 

[LisaDanielle]

I am married, and plan to have our child have the same surname as my husband, but I also want to my have my last name as a middle name. You could always do that (or the opposite).

My sister and her husband have 3 children. All 3 children have my sister's last name. It really comes down to personal preference, and I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" way to do it. I also don't think it is fair to say that it is selfish to want your baby to have your last name. In some cultures a male child gets the father's surname, and a female child gets the mother's surname.
Essentially, I just think you need to talk to your boyfriend about it. Come to a decision that you are both comfortable with, and recognize that this decision may not come easily or quickly. Good luck!