Baby number 1 or not?

[Pixiedust22]

Would you consider the baby you're TTC now your first (or second/third etc if you have other living children)? I find it hard to say I'm trying for my first because Oscar is my first even though he didn't make it, but I don't have living children so... I don't know. Especially with the word "firstborn"; Oscar was born...

Do you think it depends on how early the baby was lost or not? Or maybe just personal preference. I'm sorry if this is confusing, it's kinda a trail of consciousness post...

 

[Angels4]

Hi,

After 5 miscarriages I'm trying for baby 6...

I think I will always refer to my angels as all my babies...I still carried them and will always remember them...

I think this baby (fingers crossed) when I fall PG again will be my first sticky bean...but ill still consider it my 6th baby.

hope that makes sense!

Angels

 

[Pixiedust22]

It definitely makes sense! I'm just thinking about the inevitable "is this your first baby" "well no" "oh, so how old is your other child" "well..." if you know what I mean?

 

[Angels4]

Yea its a hard one

I always find that when I get to the early pregnancy clinic. The midwives are like 'oh is this your first?'. When I tell them what number I am at and how many m/c I have...their tone completely changes.

you'd think that working at the clinic they would've seen it so much...and that they would think about what they say so they don't upset anyone!

xo

 

[Pixiedust22]

That's odd, I didn't think they'd let their own feelings show...

 

[Tmb0047]

We are now trying for our 5th after our mmc. I most likely will refer to our rainbow as our 4th simply so I don't need to explain and don't make others feel uncomfortable. Also, I feel that by bringing up our loss it would take away the joy others would feel about the new pregnancy. My friends, family and doctors know about our loss and I don't feel the need to share it with everyone when asked how many children I have.

I honestly think it depends on how you feel and how well you know the people you are talking to. If you feel it is therapeutic for you to share it, then share it! If you can share him happily then maybe people would react happily. I just feel like whenever it comes up people feel so sad for me and I don't like that.

I am so very sorry for your loss of Oscar. How far along were you? I just lost mine at 12+6. I had already passed baby by the time they did my ultrasound so I do not know how far baby made it to. My husband has dubbed our little one a boy although we will never know for sure...makes me happy to give baby a sex and a name

 

[Tmb0047]

Pixie - Read your story.....very, very sorry for your loss. Big virtual hugs to you!

 

[Topanga053]

I agree with PP to do whatever is best for you. My loss was very early (blighted ovum found at 9 weeks), so I think it's easier for me to not talk about it if asked. I imagine a loss at 21 weeks (I am so, so sorry... there are no words) would make me more inclined to call a new pregnancy my second baby. With that said, my answer depends on the circumstances. If a stranger on the street asks in passing if LO is my first, I say yes because I don't have the time to explain. But if it's an acquaintance or co-worker or someone in a situation where I do have time (ie we're sitting around talking), then I almost always say that I had a loss before. Personally, I try to be very open about my loss because I think it needs to be talked about more. There is comfort in knowing you're not alone. So in case the person I'm talking to had a loss and doesn't feel comfortable sharing or in case they (or someone they know) WILL have a loss in the future, I want them to be able to remember our conversation and know that they're not alone.

 

[celine]

Its a personal choice but for me such a late loss would indeed be your "first"

I refer to my two kiddos as my first second chikdren and /or pregnancies and this onei just say "this pregnancy"

Funny enough we were at a kid party yesterday and one dad told us as we were leaving good luck for number 5, and i know he meant family member number 5, but hubby and i shared a look cos we were both thinking that yes this is baby number 5 (im due in two weeks, i had two perfect pregnancies, then a mc & mmc with no af inbetween then this pregnancy)

 

[Ariannda]

a friend of mine didn't discover her incompetent cervix until she went into preterm labor at 20 weeks. She is happy to tell people about her son in the hopes that they do NOT ignore any possible symptoms and to raise awareness about preterm babies.

Oscar was certainly your first, if you are comfortable telling your story i would call your next pregnancy your second, and be honest with people. If you're not comfortable i would just tell people that aren't close that it's your first .

I am currently facing a difficult situation as well. I was having twins, everything looked great. had an ultrasound early as we were being monitored, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12 weeks. Last week at a routine almost 17 week appt we discovered we lost one of the twins about 4 weeks ago, right after the ultrasound. Everyone knows we're having twins and we're going to tell everyone, of course, but now when people at the clinic or ultrasound ask im not sure what i should be saying. Luckily my OB is the same one i awlays see with the same assistant and since they're aware im sure it'll be easier, i dont think really anyone else will ask. I do feel a bit sorry for the new ultrasound tech who will be doing my 20 week scan in 2 weeks when they realize there was a second baby, im sure they'll feel like they're the ones breaking the bad news, so maybe i'll tell them in advance

 

[Pixiedust22]

You're all right... Oscar is my first and that'll never change but I don't have to mention the whole story to everyone...just people I feel comfortable with... Thanks for your replies

 

[silmarien1470]

I lost my baby at 6w, and she will always be my first baby. She was born, just too early after being expelled from my uterus like other babies at any point in the pregnancy that results in MC. That is how I look at it.