NavyLadybug
Mom to Magnus & Lyle
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2014
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I'm just absolutely devastated. The beginning was rocky, as my levels were off and my first US showed me a week behind and add on top of it that my husband left for his deployment shortly after my first US, but two weeks later, my followup showed a healthy, caught up, strong hearted (169BPM) little bean at 7+5.
Come in to my OB two weeks later for another follow up US and it showed that my baby never grew past 7+5, my baby had died within 24 hours of my ultrasound. We were crushed. Our EDD was April 1st which makes this all seem like the most cruel cosmic joke in the world.
I had to have a Suction D&C yesterday and that was hell on earth for multiple reasons. To make matters worse, the day that I now consider my baby's birthday is also my sister's birthday, she passed away when she was just a baby in 2004.
We were at the hospital from 8:30AM to 5:45PM, and we were only supposed to be there til noon but the Dr was running behind because she got her schedules mixed up.
Poor DH had an experience while we were there because I hemorrhaged in Pre-op.
As soon as they took me back and they were hooking up my IV and stuff, blood just started pouring out of me. Like it covered the bed, dripped onto the floor, soaked all the padding and sheets under me and everything.
Poor DH actually asked if I was dying. I giggled at him cause I was sorta loopy on the first round of meds to calmly nerves and told him it was nothing. It scared him to see enough blood to cover the bed and run into the floor
They literally called for 4 additional nurses to help clean me up and get me situated. The Dr told me not to be embarrassed and I laughed at her and told her if she'd taken me back on time (it was 3 hours late by then) then this wouldn't have happened, it was her fault, not mine. I couldn't control if I was going to bleed or not.
Then 2 hours later when they finally take me back to the OR, I'm still conscious because they wanted to do an ultrasound before they put me under in case I passed fetal tissue during the hemorrhage. When they do this, my legs are not in stirrups, they are in slings (think movie style when someone has a broken leg) and I basically doing the splits while still covered in in not only the remenants of old blood but still pouring more blood with literally NOTHING of me covered except my folded up gown on my chest and its my Dr (female) 4 nurses (2 male and 2 female) and 2 other working on my Oxygen and Anesthesia (also 2 males) and the one doing my Oxygen notices me crying after the Dr says "product is retained" (meaning I hadn't passed the baby, which the phrasing made me cry) and the older man doing my oxygen starts patting my hair and trying to be soothing and he says, "Honey, it's ok, you don't have to be embarrassed, we see this and much more before noon." and I just shook my head and told him, "It's not that, embarrassment is the last thing on my mind. I've had at least 15 people examine me down there in the past week, I'm far past feeling embarrassed." After that I don't remember anything except waking up as they were pulling an intebation tube out of my throat because apparently I wasn't breathing correctly during the procedure.
Preliminary results from the testing should be back in 2 weeks (this is the screening to see the risk, low or high, of a chromosomal problem and the gender report) and then the diagnostic (The definitive Yes or No answers to possible problems) will be back in about 30 days. We also spoke with a counselor while i was in recovery about coping with grief and loss. He suggested the same techniques as he did in June (he actually remembered us, he gave me and Michael both a hug when he saw that it was us he was coming to see) and we chose names for the baby as part of closure and making it feel more complete in our minds and hearts that our baby was just that, our baby. We chose Alistair Matthias for a boy and Sophie Remilia for a girl
https://lagf.lilypie.com/FdfRm4.png
Come in to my OB two weeks later for another follow up US and it showed that my baby never grew past 7+5, my baby had died within 24 hours of my ultrasound. We were crushed. Our EDD was April 1st which makes this all seem like the most cruel cosmic joke in the world.
I had to have a Suction D&C yesterday and that was hell on earth for multiple reasons. To make matters worse, the day that I now consider my baby's birthday is also my sister's birthday, she passed away when she was just a baby in 2004.
We were at the hospital from 8:30AM to 5:45PM, and we were only supposed to be there til noon but the Dr was running behind because she got her schedules mixed up.
Poor DH had an experience while we were there because I hemorrhaged in Pre-op.
As soon as they took me back and they were hooking up my IV and stuff, blood just started pouring out of me. Like it covered the bed, dripped onto the floor, soaked all the padding and sheets under me and everything.
Poor DH actually asked if I was dying. I giggled at him cause I was sorta loopy on the first round of meds to calmly nerves and told him it was nothing. It scared him to see enough blood to cover the bed and run into the floor
They literally called for 4 additional nurses to help clean me up and get me situated. The Dr told me not to be embarrassed and I laughed at her and told her if she'd taken me back on time (it was 3 hours late by then) then this wouldn't have happened, it was her fault, not mine. I couldn't control if I was going to bleed or not.
Then 2 hours later when they finally take me back to the OR, I'm still conscious because they wanted to do an ultrasound before they put me under in case I passed fetal tissue during the hemorrhage. When they do this, my legs are not in stirrups, they are in slings (think movie style when someone has a broken leg) and I basically doing the splits while still covered in in not only the remenants of old blood but still pouring more blood with literally NOTHING of me covered except my folded up gown on my chest and its my Dr (female) 4 nurses (2 male and 2 female) and 2 other working on my Oxygen and Anesthesia (also 2 males) and the one doing my Oxygen notices me crying after the Dr says "product is retained" (meaning I hadn't passed the baby, which the phrasing made me cry) and the older man doing my oxygen starts patting my hair and trying to be soothing and he says, "Honey, it's ok, you don't have to be embarrassed, we see this and much more before noon." and I just shook my head and told him, "It's not that, embarrassment is the last thing on my mind. I've had at least 15 people examine me down there in the past week, I'm far past feeling embarrassed." After that I don't remember anything except waking up as they were pulling an intebation tube out of my throat because apparently I wasn't breathing correctly during the procedure.
Preliminary results from the testing should be back in 2 weeks (this is the screening to see the risk, low or high, of a chromosomal problem and the gender report) and then the diagnostic (The definitive Yes or No answers to possible problems) will be back in about 30 days. We also spoke with a counselor while i was in recovery about coping with grief and loss. He suggested the same techniques as he did in June (he actually remembered us, he gave me and Michael both a hug when he saw that it was us he was coming to see) and we chose names for the baby as part of closure and making it feel more complete in our minds and hearts that our baby was just that, our baby. We chose Alistair Matthias for a boy and Sophie Remilia for a girl
https://lagf.lilypie.com/FdfRm4.png
and again I'm so sorry for your loss xx
what a traumatic experience on top of it all.
