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wildwoodrose

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Hello, I am new here and grateful to have a place to talk about this, even though I know there are no 100% answers until I have further bloodwork done.

Both of us are 40. When we met we each had three children. His are now 15, 12 and 6; mine are now 19, 18 and 12. In June 2010 we had a son together when I was 37. He was a complete surprise and totally uneventful pregnancy.

All my children have been born c section. All have been healthy, uneventful pregnancies. My first trimesters I always had minimal nausea (usually just a kind of "blech" feeling off and on all day) but no particularly extreme tiredness, reactions to smells, early showing, etc.

Last fall we decided to try to have one more (we were going to give it six months) and have my tubes tied during the c section. We started in November. LMP was November 13. By the first week of December I was having MAJOR symptoms - much stronger than all my other pregnancies combined - so it was not a huge surprise when we got our BFP on December 10.

From December 10-25, everything was totally uneventful except that my symptoms were so exaggerated. I could easily sleep 18 out of 24 hours, the slightest unpleasant or strong smell sent me running for a restroom or trashcan, My breasts were extremely swollen and sore. I outgrew my clothes overnight and had to haul out the knit pants and leftover maternity I had from 2010.

We started joking about twins because they do run on the maternal side of my family; plus I'm 40, tall, have multiple previous pregnancies, and all the exaggerated early symptoms, all possible signs of twins.

On Sunday the 30th, I started to have some spotting. In thinking about it, I realized that my symptoms had dissipated some over the past few days, so I went to the ER just to be safe, not really expecting anything serious. Going by my LMP of 11/13 (and my BFP on 12/10), I would have been 6 weeks 6 days. They did a quantitative hcg that they said was 448, and a transvaginal ultrasound which showed a gestational sac 3 mm.

*I want to note - although I realize all women who are afraid they are having a mc would prefer to believe they simply had careless or crappy medical care - I really honestly felt like the PA I was dealing with (I never saw a real Dr) was extremely clueless. She couldn't even tell me what range my hcg SHOULD be. And the mid-20-something kid who did my US was chatting the entire time about New Years plans with the nursing assistant.*

They gave me a Rhogam shot (I'm rh negative), told me I might be having a mc or might not, and to go home and have everything rechecked in a few days (with the usual compassion of ER staff). Unfortunately we are between insurance so it's not as easy as just scheduling with my OB. I found a clinic that can get me in on Monday 1/7 at 2 pm. In the meantime I've just been in the unbearable hell of limbo.

I slept literally all of Monday, Monday night, all day Tuesday. I got up and around for a while Tuesday evening expecting to start pouring blood or having huge cramps any time, and was surprised to find nothing but minor spotting ...and that is all I've had the rest of the week. Spotting that is minor enough to be a waste of a panty liner, and no pain or cramping whatsoever. Since Thursday my symptoms have returned some; aversion to smells, extremely sleepy, sore breasts.

I am going nuts.

I don't know whether I was having twins and lost one, or simply had a silent-ish or missed-ish miscarriage (although 7 weeks seems a little far for that), or whether DH and I managed to mess the dates up beyond comprehension, or if I'm GOING to miscarry and the real fun just hasn't started yet... I'm driving myself insane.

I know that all I can DO is wait to get the results of the second round of tests on Monday, and there simply are no real answers until then. I was just hoping some members might have some similar stories or experiences to share. I know how insanely lucky I've been to have four healthy children before ever having an issue like this, so I am not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just one of those people who really, really hate waiting and have to find something to occupy my mind.
 
I would relax for now! Minor spotting is totally normal as is pregnancy symptoms coming and going. Unless you bleed bright red blood and have serious cramps, assume you are still pregnant. However, the HCG is low for 6 weeks.....maybe you ovulated later than average, which is common at 40.
 
Thank you for your reply, I apprecite it! I have never had to deal with hcg #s before so I was bsolutely stunned at the width of the range that is considered "normal" for any given week. No wonder women go bananas dealing with fertility issues. I did experience a form of secondary infertility trying to have my third, but is was purely what I think of as mechanical (my tubes were blocked). I tend to be intuitive and I simply KNEW there was something wrong, so I insisted on seeing an RE immediately rather than wasting a year. After a hysterosalpingogram (which I would not wish on my worst enemy - okay, maybe one, but only one), they had it diagnosed and Roto-rootered me out, and I was pregnant on my next cycle.

I am keeping a positive outlook, both because I have reminded myself every day for 19 years now how blessed I am and more so with each child, step and bio, and also because I believe strongly at this point that for US, what is meant to be will be. I don't like using that phrase to women who are dealing with true fertility issues because I feel like it Su consciously minimizes or invalidates their right to want what they want in their life, whether it be one miraculous child or a whole houseful or anything in between. But we HAVE been blessed with a houseful, healthy for the most part, one special needs (my husband's 6 year old who is autistic and has a chromosomal abnormality and whose mother passed away when he was 7 months and is as much mine as any of my biological four); and the other six who are all amazing and unique and fun and miraculous in ways I could never have imagined. So if God decides to honor our wish and loan us another of His angels to raise, we will be overjoyed, and if that is not His plan, we certainly have NOTHING to complain about.

I am just so bad at waiting lol. Patience has aways been one of my biggest trials. As long as I know YES or NO, and preferably WHEN, then I can content and amuse myself until the time passes. The not-knowing does bother me.

One other question for anyone who does not mind answering, since this is my first experience with this: from all the obsessive googling I have done, it appears that the majority of women nowadays who know they have mc'd prefer to simply go ahead with a D&C. The upsides appear to be getting the closure emotionally and physically, less pain and overall bleeding, and a shorter recovery period before you can try again (assuming things go well and the Dr gives the go ahead).

Would anyone mind sharing their thoughts on this? I have read many anecdotes from women who chose a natural mc and seem to have experienced ongoing bleeding anywhere from two to six weeks. Frankly I would rather be shot with flaming arrows than bleed for six weeks. I'm one of those women who nurse enthusiastically and pump obsessively following childbirth, to get my womb shrunk back down and healed up as quickly as possible (even if it is only helping in my head) and I have hated every period I've had since I started at 13. Maybe that is why I have spent over 160 weeks pregnant since then and used Depo Provera for years in between LOL (depo always worked really well for me and I never had periods while on it, or fertility issues after coming off). I plan to have my tubes tied this year one way or the other (either during c section if we get pg, or simply have it done at the end of the year if not) and then pray earnestly for early menopause lol.

The posts I have read from women who had D&Vs seemed like they only bled a couple of days to a couple of weeks max, which sounds MUCH better to me. Thoughts?
 
We went natural (really weren't given an option, but would have chosen that anyway) with our MMC. The baby grew to 6 weeks (we even saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks) and we found out at almost 10 that it never grew beyond that. I started having a very slight orange discharge when I wiped the day we found out and by that night it was pink. It was pink most of the next day, then turned red, the following day it was red and heavier and the third day was the heaviest with labor like pain for about an hour or two and then I passed the baby. I had bleeding off and on for several weeks, but nothing that a regular pad couldn't contain (and no pain after I passed the baby). (I had a very easy labor though and didn't know I was in active labor as I thought it was just some cramps with only 2 hours of really any pain.) I would never get a D&C that is not a last resort because it can cause infection, scarring, and contribute to IC later on and we most certainly wanted to try again.
 
Hi there, I hope you are ok x I had a natural mc both times at 5.4weeks and 16.2 weeks, I would much prefer to do it naturally. A Dnc is so invasive. I only bled for 4 days with first mc and then maybe a week with second. I hope your bee bub sticks x
 
First of all, I hope everything goes ok with this pregnancy. Sit tight, as a previous poster said bleeding can be normal in a lot of pregnancies.

Im answering your question about d&c vs natural mmc . Between our 2yro and current pregnancy I had a missed miscarriage. It was the worst experience of my life. We didn't get our first scan until 14 weeks and found out the baby's heart had stopped at 8 weeks. I have never felt so deceived by my own body. I had continued with horrendous sickness and nausea despite the fact that our baby had died 6 weeks prior. We chose to wait a week and have another scan. I knew deep down the scan would show the same thing, and it did. She encouraged me to consider a d&c but I felt protective of my baby, I didn't want anyone taking it from me. I felt I could handle it better emotionally letting things happen naturally. A few days later I started to bleed and passed clots. I assumed, given baby was only 8 weeks that I had miscarried. When we went back to be scanned to find out, she laughed at me. Not in an unkind way, in a sympathetic and very sorry way. She said that baby would still be there and it was. She explained that despite baby dying at 8 weeks my pregnancy was still continuing to grow. Hence why I was still experiencing symptoms. She told me to prepare for extreme pain, just like labour if I still wanted to do things naturally. I did. A few days later I began to bleed. I bled lightly for a couple of days and then it really began. Just a warning this is going to get graphic now. I went into labour. I dealt with it at home u for quite a few hours but became worried when I was in agony and still only bleeding lightly. I was told to head straight to a &e. It was a half an hour drive and just as we set off I began gushing blood. We had to stop on the way to call into my sister in laws house for more clothes as I was absolutely soaked through with blood. We eventually made it to the hospital and I have never seen so much blood in my life. I was soaked through again and the jeep was swimming with blood. The pain was just like labour pains. Agony. As horrible as it all sounds, I needed the pain. I embraced it. It helped me come to terms with losing my baby. Shortly after arriving at the hospital I lost my baby. It came before the placenta and anything else. We buried it in the family graveyard in a plot already bought for my other halfs parents.

It was graphic, heart wrenching and painful. But as I said I embraced it in order to accept what was happening to me. Point is, if it comes down to it and you end up having to make this choice you have to think carefully about what you can and cannot handle.Although I lost the baby naturally, and all the contents etc I still had clots so I ended up still needinga d&c but I handled that ok because I had done the important part myself. They didn't take anything important from me. Hope all that makes sense. I am only telling you all this because you have asked, you should keep lots of Faith that everything will be ok. I have everything crossed for you Xx
 

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