Back At Work

[Rebaby]

I went back to work yesterday- i worked the nightshift last night. In some ways it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be, i managed to act 'normal' and function all be it at a slightly slower pace than usual...but in some ways it was much harder.

Hardly anyone knew i was pregnant, and as a result no one has asked why i have been off sick for a week. I thought i would be glad about that so i wouldn't have to go through it all with everyone and could get back to normal, but actually it's made me feel very isolated and lonely Last night i felt almost like i wasn't real- i was doing my work but i almost felt like i was looking down on myself and hearing myself chatting and joking and working like normal and like it wasn't really real and it wasn't really me...

My OH is being a huge support but he's out at work now and won't be back before i have to leave to go in for my night shift tonight. I am just sitting here feeling so blue.

 

[hannah88]

I returned to work after one day which was stupid, i have now been at work had my second today, i feel exactly the same, i work at a small hairdressers and they all know, but i feel like i am being looked down on, i feel like i am being treated to work twice as hard and i just don't really want to be there, no-one is being supportive and everyone seems to just roll there eyes at me, i feel so left out! I am not myself right now.

 

[rachjim98]

Its so hard to pretend isnt it. Sorry your feeling blue but very glad you have a supportive OH. xoxo

 

[plumplump]

Oh Petal - big hug to you....try and stay positive, the first few days back are not good but you might find the normality helps you a bit, just take your time in adjusting, however if you feel like you are not ready to go back you should listen to your body and take that extra time to grieve. I never did and now struggle quite badly from time to time. Hope you feel better soon.
lots of love your way xxxx

 

[Shelby2007]

I felt like that too.. and everything was blurry.. and ran together..

You sound so strong. Im sorry for your loss.

 

[orange-sox]

I have no idea how I'm going to get through each hour, never mind how I'm going to cope with going back to work on Monday... I've already got all eyes on me for taking this week off, but I dont know how I can go back to that place, when I wont have my little boy with me anymore

 

[AS1]

I can appreciate how you are feeling......glad you have been able to get back to work.

After my 2nd d&c a few weeks ago I went back to work and also felt v lonely because no-one knew I had been pregnant. My reason for not telling anyone was that some people knew about my first mc and I personally don't think it helped me. In my opinion it made colleagues feel awkward and they seemed funny when talking about other people being pregnant etc....I really don't think this was paranoia on my part!!! Also to the best of my knowledge none of them had ever had mc so in my opinion don't really understand how you are feeling. I was also relieved as one of my colleagues announed her pregnancy on my first day back and her EDD is the same as mine would have been (I know!! what are the chances!) so I know that things would have been really weird if they had all known about me....

Maybe you work environment is different? and it may make things easier if people knew but for me I am definately glad that no-one knows this time round....do whatever is best for you

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you for all your replies I know that sadly i am not the only one going through this It's just when i am in work i feel so isolated. I don't know if i would necessarily feel better if everyone knew, i probably wouldn't...it's just that the MC was obviously a very big, awful shock and it is on my mind so much still and yet when i'm in work, for 11 hours of the day (or in this case- night!) i can't speak about it at all and have to pretend it never happened.

I also find myself getting annoyed because of some of the reactions i have had over the past couple of weeks to the news that our pregnancy wasn't 'unplanned' I still can't believe people think it is appropriate or their right when you tell them you've miscarried to list all the reasons they didn't think you should get pregnant in the 1st place And it's always completely irrelevant stuff that is in no way important enough to inform your decision on when to start your family- like the fact we just bought a 3 door car made someone say "what would you have done with the baby?" Grrr.

Anyway, enough! Rant over. Thankyou all for being so supportive, it is such a help knowing others feel the same but at the same time saddening that there are so many of us experiencing losses

My OH isn't at work today and so we'll be able to spend some time together later before i head back into work, which should hopefully help me start my shift with a more positive mental attitude!

 

[Schmelly]

So sorry you're feeling so lonely.

I tried to return to work on Tuesday, the morning after being told my baby's heart had stopped beating. I ended up back home, realising it had been a huge mistake trying to carry on. I had the mc yesterday and was so glad I was home at the time. I'm absolutely dreading returning to work on Monday. I don't know where on earth I'm going to find the strength to deal with the children (I'm a teacher) and the rushing around. But as a self-employed person I can't afford to take any more time off. I think if I was still an employee I'd ask doc to sign me off for another week because I just don't feel ready.

The good news is that your oh is being supportive. Keep hold of that thought, and when you feel low at work try to picture him in your mind and lok forward to being together again. Good luck hun

 

[Rebaby]

Good luck hun

Thank you I have finished my run of nights now (did 4 in a row) and have a weeks holiday before i go back to days. It hasn't been easy but i feel like it's getting better, i feel almost guilty to be acting normal at work but i just need to keep telling myself that it's okay that i'm not shouting from the rooftops about my loss, it doesn't mean i'm not thinking of it.

I hope you get on okay tomorrow too, i'll be thinking of you

 

[Schmelly]

I'm glad you've got some time off now. Well done for getting through those nights shifts