Back to work issues: AP

[Feathers]

My DS has been pretty much attachment parented (he's eight months) and has always had problems being away from me from an early age. Obviously I thought it was something he would grow out of a little but as time has gone on it has only gotten worse. I wouldn't mind but at this point I'm due back in work in less than 2 weeks (three days a week) and he's being on transition in to nursery for the last 4 weeks.

It's honestly not going well, he screams pretty much the whole time he is there. I've tried staying with him, playing with him, I've tried just leaving quickly. He goes with a blanket we use to snuggle in to try and leave my scent. Nursery use his sling to try and comfort him but nothing is working.

Unlike many babies who cry and stop, he simply isn't stopping, he just screams and screams and screams, proper tears and everything. I honestly have no idea what to do at this point. Nursery have admitted it's a little unusual for crying not to stop, but it isn't stopping. They've been giving him one to one staffing to try and help and doing everything they can. I honestly don't see how he's going to be able to do a full day when he can't even manage more than an hour yet. Unfortunately I really have to work. I can't leave him with close family because he is the same! (even with his Dad). DD never had this issue, she loves nursery!

Has anyone had this and got any advice or tips? Or just a 'it will get better eventually'. I really don't want him screaming for eight hours straight whilst I'm working, it can't be good for him and I know I will worry too. Really wishing I didn't have to go back at this point.

 

[kosh]

How many times has he been to nursery? You said he's been on transition for 4 weeks, but was this everyday? If not, I'd say you need more time.

My son was (is) very attached to me and had a very difficult time adjusting to nursery. We first had a couple of introduction days for an hour or two and then he started full time I don't think he cried all the time like your son, but it was still very difficult to leave him as he would get extremely distressed. Like you, I didn't know what to do. People seem to think that the best option is to leave them quickly but I found that was very upsetting for my son and he would find it more difficult to calm down later. So I used to go in with him and play and try to encourage him to leave my side a little bit, or at least to find a toy/game he was interested in. After a while I would leave (and he would def cry) but at least there was something there that he enjoyed and they could use that to distract him.
It took a very long time (over 2 months) until it got better, and even then he would still cry a bit, but he was fine in less than a minute.

I know how difficult it is. Hugs to you.
I'm sure it will get better.

 

[Feathers]

He's currently going every day. Initially he was going once or twice a week, with me staying with him for the first couple of visits so he could play with me and get to know the environment. Nursery have been incredibly supportive, we've built him up from thirty minutes to four hours (today) very slowly. They've rearranged schedules so he always has his key worker there.

I feel like yesterday we started to turn a corner. He still cried on and off the entire three hour visit, but it wasn't full on screaming and he did engage with the other babies and some toys. And he managed to eat some food and fall asleep for a short nap (held by his key worker- she rocked and sung him off).

Hopefully he will continue to improve but it is really hard when I know he doesn't improve when I leave. I'm leaving quickly as he gets more and more upset (anticipating me leaving I think) when I stay and play with him first. I suppose he just has to...get used to it. Being a working Mum is so hard, I'd love to stay with him and save him from this but there really is no way around it.