BD'ing questions...Is it only me??

[inpghttc]

Hello ladies...this is going to be a weird post so I apologize ahead of time...However, I just wanted to ask and see if I am the only one hat feels this way. My DH and I have been married for 7 years, known each other for 10 years, and are both 34 years old. We have a very healthy relationship and although of course we sometimes have the occasional spat, we are happy and get along really well. We were unsure that we ever wanted kids up until a year ago when we both, ironically at the same time, decided that we did want to have a family. I went off the pill in June and have been TTC ever since. I just finished my second round of Clomid that was upped to 100 mg because the 50 mg did not help my progesterone levels. I am on the low end of progesterone post ovulation, and nothing else has been found wrong yet. DH still needs to get tested and I have been getting on him about that. Anyway, enough about my background...My question actually has to do with BD'ing. My DH and I don't have very high sex drives. I guess it is due to multiple reasons such as both being busy with work, he is in school for his PhD, we have been together so long, our age, etc...Anyway, DH never has trouble "getting up" to perform, but at times he isn't able to finish. Because of this fact, I try to plan BD'ing painstakingly to the best possible second to get preggo! DH sometimes has trouble with two days in a row and so I try to space it out to every other day. I have been pretty consistantly O'ing around CD13-15, even with the clomid last month and so I plan on BD'ing CD10, 12, and again 13 because DH will be on a work trip on CD14 (ugh!). However, I don't know if this has to do with a lot of ladies on here being young and newly married or in a relationship, but I constantly read posts about people doing the SMEP or something similar where they BD every day or every other day from the day they stop bleeding until af!! That just sounds exhausting to me and impossible to be honest! I guess my question is two fold...First, how does BD'ing during your unfertile period even matter or help (I know sperm can live for 5 days, but I mean the people who BD almost the whole cycle when they are obviously not fertile)? Secondly, is anyone else in my shoes where they just try to time things for the BEST time to get preggo and that may only be 2-3 times during the fertile time and maybe one other time for fun when they are not fertile? Thanks for listening to my rant and I'm curious to hear what you ladies have to say...

 

[NorthStar]

I don't rate the SMEP Plan except for people who are not educated enough to use the temping/charting methods to pinpoint Ov.

Are you charting at all? Using opks? Or a monitor?

And I don't think sperm live for 5 days up there, I just don't believe that, maybe someone's cousins sister-in-laws' friend got pregnant from doing the deed 5 days before Ov but IRL and for couples in their 30s and 40 I just plain don't believe it. From the research I've done on the FF charting database it's more like the 2 days before and day of Ov that are critical.

IDK if this helps this is just my opinion

 

[inpghttc]

Thanks and I agree!!! That is why I don't get what is up with all the BD'ing!! I guess for fun sake but it doesn't help at all! I believe 2 days before O and O day are the best days...I even think the day after O is pointless! I use OPK's twice a day from CD10 on. I am a lucky one who gets the "fade in" pattern on my sticks and I also use the smily face ones for confirmation! I also get O pains (bad) every month and even worse on Clomid so I pretty much can narrow my O down to a day. I do npt temp because I wake up several times a night and not the same time every day so it would be pointless for me...Good luck!

 

[NorthStar]

Yep sounds like you know when you Ov, so strategically timed sex is your best bet, rather than stressing over tons of extra sex. The day after Ov the egg is pretty much dead and gone anyway.

My partner works away half the time, and I also travel a lot with work, so for us it wouldn't be physically possible to do it every other day

 

[inpghttc]

My hubby travels a lot too...so I feel ya!

 

[NorthStar]

Yep mine is away offshore 2 weeks out of every 4, on top of that I work in Paris some of the time, when we're both in the same country we enjoy sex, rest of the time we're reduced to celibacy

Keeps things fresh though we make sure we have some non TTC fun every cycle too.

 

[Gillers]

Sounds a bit like us - dh is 40, I'm 38 and we both work long hours and have pretty stressful jobs - at the moment we're managing every day(ish) for 3 days from when I get my smiley face on the digi OPK so hoping that this covers the 48 hrs before and O day. We could maybe do more but its become such a military exercise that I would rather restrict BDing to those days and then we've got the rest of the month just to have fun, when we want, with no pressure.

 

[inpghttc]

Totally agree!

 

[charmedlassie]

You should watch the great sperm race on youtube to understand why you need to have sex around 3 times a week to keep sperm at it's best. It's a miriacle anyone get pregnant! But I'm the same. My fiance is 25 and I'm 23 and have been together 4 years...we have sex around once or twice a week at best sometimes more, usually less. We just have a lot on at work and sometimes just prefer a cuddle! not great for baby making.

 

[inpghttc]

Yep, I agree...however, if we don't BD at least once a week...I tell DH to take care of it himself...that counts too! haha!

 

[l8bloomer]

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for this thread. I'm new here and all the BD talk had me feeling a little inferior, not to mention a little embarassed. DH and I have been together for over 15 years and with a combination of familiarity, job stress, etc, we just can't do it as often as some other people.

We have been trying our darndest though; although 'finishing' is an issue at times. I've just received my CBFM today so hopefully, it will be less stressful going forward.

 

[lizziedripping]

Hi hun, this is an interesting point that you raise (pardon the pun) lol. Conception is about timing, and I firmly believe plenty of sex at exactly the right point in a cycle is the secret to success.

It isn't necessary to BD every day from af, and in fact might actually deplete sperm quantity and quality for the important days. It is however also important to have sex reasonably regularly (every 3/4 days on infertile days) so that the quality is maintained - or so I have read

Our usual pattern in a not ttc month is to BD 'for fun' (tho after 20yrs I use that phrase loosely lol) once, maybe twice a week. When we are trying, we maybe BD twice the week before I expect to ovulate, and then when I feel my cm change and increase we do it daily (but only once a day) until it has dried up again. This means in reality we probably BD 2/3 days before ovulation, the day itself and a day after - around 5 days in a row. We then resume our usual once a week pattern until af. We have conceived succesfully using this system.

I am sure that if you BD the day before and day of ovulation then pregnancy is highly possible, but it is so difficult to be absolute when those days are that I think doing it as soon as cm begins to change is the key. This way you are more likely to hit 'the window'. Theoretically you could also try BDing every other day throughout this window and that should be enough, but missing a day always makes me nervous (rightly or wrongly).

That's just my thoughts on the matter, for what they're worth x

 

[polaris]

We have the same problem. Neither of us has very high sex drives and OH can often only manage every three days, sometimes every two days but I then run the risk of him having difficulty finishing so it is a balancing act whether it is worth it or not.

Just on an aside, I got pregnant on my first by having sex four to five days before ovulation! We had sex late on Saturday night and I ovulated early Thursday morning, I'm pretty sure the ovulation date is accurate based on my chart and also based on ovulation pain. I was so sure that I was not in the running at all that month. So it can happen.

 

[goddess25]

We are the same we don't have particularly high sex drives either and my husband has the same problem as yours. He often has to give himself a 'hand' then stuff it back in

All I can say is I have been pregnant 4 times and have 2 children.

The first time I got pregnant was on D6 of a 28 day cycle..and I had - OPK. I know this because it was the only time that entire cycle we DTD.

When we conceived our son it was D8 of a 28 day cycle.

The other 2 times were somewhere between my cycle ending too D16. We DTD every other day from D8-D16 ish give or take.

SO basically 2 of the times I got pregnant I was not ovulating so the sperm must have just been sitting there waiting.

 

[inpghttc]

That's crazy!!! Wow....I guess anything is possible