bedroom problems UPDATED IN COMMENTS

[Linda23]

So we found out I'm pregnant on 12/31/13. Since then we have only been intimate once. This is very unusual for us even before NTNP. We still cuddle on the couch and before falling asleep, but that's where it stops. I'm afraid to bring it up to him and hurt his feelings or something, but I'm also worried that he'll only sleep with me out of guilt. I know I've been more tired lately but we still have plenty of time for it. I guess I'm just not sure what to do from here or just leave it be. I really don't want him to be pressured or guilted into it but I'm having a hard time with feeling attractive as it is with the bloating knowing I'm only going to get bigger so this lack of intimacy isn't helping.

UPDATE IN COMMENTS

 

[2have4kids]

Can you talk to him about it and tell him that you need him to make you feel beautiful?

 

[Linda23]

Can you talk to him about it and tell him that you need him to make you feel beautiful?

I don't want him to do it only because I brought it up. I want him to do it on his own but Idk if that'll happen. This our first if that helps.

 

[2have4kids]

I'm not sure it's about being preggers or not. I've been with my oh for 16 years now and whether it's 16 or 1, it sounds like his enthusiasm has been dwindling for a while. There will always be one person in a relationship who needs more sex than the other, according to my marriage counsellor. The person who's not getting enough, me, needs to be very clear about her feelings. Otherwise you end up internalizing unintended negative emotions (my spirituality and inner beauty sometimes seems tied to sex ). He needs to respond accordingly and if it tends to teeter off after a week, get a date night going that he sets up. Something's will feel fake in the beginning and then over time things will feel very natural and your partner will understand by how you respond, how important it is to you. Or it could be something as insignificant as you lighting a candle signifying that you need a little intimacy beyond the normal snuggle, anything to queue up a trigger.

I'm sure there are different ways of tackling it but I'm a little artistic howt tamale paired up with a PhD scientist who'd rather nuzzle a book in bed so it's very important to come to a middle ground on these things. You'll need to let him know how you feel at some point because you don't want negative emotions running through your head, men aren't telepathic, you have needs, and patterns get more deeply ingrained as we allow them to continue.

 

[RaspberryK]

Maybe he's trying to be sensitive and not pressure you now that you're pregnant?
Maybe be thinks it's not safe or he'll hurt you or the baby and needs reassurance.
I'd be glad of the break myself, I do not feel sexy at all, it's so uncomfortable xx

 

[the why bird]

I understand what you mean about not wanting him just to do it because you brought it up, but I think it's important that you mention it.

Like Raspberry said, there could be lots of reasons. He could be worried about hurting you, or not know if it's safe, or it could just be that his head is full of magic imagining himself as a father.

At the very least, I'd mention that it's totally safe and normal to have sex during a healthy pregnancy, and that he can tell you if he has any worries. I wouldn't sit and worry about it for weeks when it might be something simple.

 

[Gizzyy]

Me and oh didn't have much sex at first as he wasn't sure if it could do harm ect and I was worried about bleeding but we spoke about it and went gentle. I explained baby is safe and in the uterus. Now we have a somewhat regular sex life (perhaps not as much as before as we are both tired most days) x

 

[Goods]

No offence, but I would love to trade places with you. My DH always wants it, no matter what and I'm just so tired! He'll be going away for a week soon and I'm looking forward to the break. lol

 

[Mummafrog]

I completely understand not wanting to talk about it because when you do if things change afterwards you'll be worried he's doing it for you.. but as others have said it may not be that he doesn't want to, but he is worried or thinks what you need is cuddles at the moment.
Have you tried initiating things yourself? Reminding him that your body is many things, not just a perfect home for your growing baby..
If it were me and my partner, I might jump on him and initiate it, if he responds well obviously, and then afterwards in the post-sex glow, talk about how you've been worried he hasn't wanted to have sex with you and his reasons might all spill out and you can reassure him etc

Wishing you lots of luck, sex is a very important part of relationships and pregnancy can be an odd thing when it comes to sex so you're not alone.

 

[purplecupcake]

I agree with initiating and seeing what happens. Honestly, going a month isn't really a big deal. DH and I have different work schedules, and sometimes when we're home together all we want to do is eat, watch a movie, and go to sleep. But, since it's bothering you, initiate and see how he responds. I also agree that he might not know that you want to right now, or he may even still just be letting everything sink in and settling into his new role in life - sex might not be on his brain right now.

 

[jopascoe]

I almost 11 weeks and have been intimate once since finding out.
I am just to sick and so tired and it's last thing on my mind. I feel so bad to my partner but don't ever bring it up.

Maybe talking will help xx

 

[Linda23]

Here's the thing, I've always had a hard time initiating straightforward. I don't like the idea of being turned down. I know its ridiculous since we've been together about 2 years already. I met with a midwife yesterday about some really bad cramping overnight (turned put I had started some round ligament pain) and she asked if we'd been intimate beforehand and we both said no. She responded it come happen even 4-5 days later and again we said no, myself shamefully. The midwife explained its perfectly ok to have sex and he kinda just nodded and ignored. Maybe I'll chicken out and text him about it while I'm at work. I want to take advantage of not feeling sick now just in case it kicks in later and I physically can't do it anymore.

 

[Linda23]

Well I text him about it. He told me he didn't know how I felt about it. From there he brushed it off saying its fine or its ok and stopped talking about it guess I'll have to wait and see if it goes anywhere. I also spotted a bit today so it'll probably just deter him more.

 

[RaspberryK]

Sounds like he is feeling awkward, hopefully at the weekend you guys can spend some time together and if it happens it happens.
Sorry to hear you're spotting, I had it all through first tri in myprevious ppregnancy xx