behaviour problems with 4 yr old

[ellybeth]

hi all - i am a mum to two wonderful lottle boys - and pregnant with no. 3. My problem is my eldest son - he is nearly 5... going on 15. He has started being really badly behaved - even before i got pregnant - swearing (don't know where he is getting words from??) hitting me and his brother (we don't smack - we use the time out methods) and refusals all of the time - i asked his teacher for help as i am finding it difficult to keep my temper and she didn't believe that a nice boy like my son would behave in such a way! he has no manners and i am afraid if i don't nip this in the bud now - he is going to progressivly get worse - how do i stop this attitude and behaviour without losing my temper??? help! ps. tried reward charts, marbles in jars and time out! at the end of my tether - please help xx

 

[HaylsM89]

I personally have never had to deal with this, but my 10 year old nephew went through the same phase when he was that age. His parents would literally clear his room of each and every toy, no television, no playing with friends; that was his grounding. And it worked, for about a week. Then he was right back at it. They had to do this quite a few times to get their point across to him that they were not playing around. He finally straightened up, for a five year old at least . As he got older and matured some, it got a lot better.

Looking back, we've realized that he may have been acting out because of lack of attention (his baby sister was born that year). He was used to being an only child and getting what he wanted. Then this little crying bundle of girl comes in and steals his thunder...

But good luck! It'll get better

 

[ellybeth]

thanks - it just feels like we have tried a lot of methods - and carried on with them for ages - but he gets wise to them! lol - both my boys get time with us on our own and time together... but attention seeking does seem the route of the problems - i wish i could wave a majic wand and sort it out!
I need SuperNanny

 

[samsugar7]

My OH's daughter is very similar to this. She only stays with us every other weekend and because our rules are very different from those at home she is terrible. We have tried charts and all sorts out best method at the moment is the time out mat. It took about 4 weeks for her not to scream the place down for hours when she was put on it but so far this is working.

When one method stops working we just move onto the next. I know that consistency is important but if the child is unresponsive id change methods. She does attention seek a lot especially since LO came along so when we are both home we have one child each (so to speak) so she gets one on one attention.

Im hoping that she will just grow out of it. Good luck. xx

 

[Amy_T]

Hmmm it's a tricky one - my daughter turns 5 in september and although she has her moments on the whole she's ok. I think you need to find something that really bothers him, with my daughter it's being on her own or being ignored, she HATES it with a passion so sitting her in the hallway on her own or in her room (despite her toys being in there) works a treat. Is there a specific toy he loves (computer game/trains or something) that you could take away and he has to earn back?

Sorry, sounds like you've tried most things, just trying to think of something new. I'd be worried about the swearing to be honest, assuming he doesn't hear it at home he must be picking it up somewhere.

Good luck.

 

[DottyLottie]

My daughter went through a phase like this at about the same age (infants at school), it came very out of the blue, and when I spoke to her teacher, like with you, she was shocked and said my daughter was good as gold at school.

The teacher offered to talk to her about it for me, to see if she might tell her something she was uncomfortable telling me.

To my horror, my daughter was angry with me for taking her away from her dad. She was only 3 at the time, and had little or no memory of him, but I guess starting school, and meeting other children with dad's, made her think about it. She also told he teacher she remembered her dad being violent towards me. Again, I was shocked she remembered this.

I guess your little boy is going through something right now maybe? It is hard to raionalise with children that age. I explained to my daughter why we had to move away from her daddy (I said he was poorly and that made him do bad things - rather than the whole truth, which is that we was a psycho!), she was still a bit narky for a while, but eventually calmed down, I guess she worked through it in her own way.

Perhaps think about what might ave changed for your son recently, how does he relate to other kids, is something happening at school that makes him angry and he is taking it out on you (because it's safe to do that at home!), maybe he is remembering old stuff or it could just be a phase.

He has just started school, which is a huge and frustrating time for young kids.

Try and be patient, I bet you he will come through it, at least his teacher thinks he is an angel, which means he does know how to behave! He just doesn't want to behave for you right now...

 

[ellybeth]

hiya - well - you were right - he feels that he is not getting enough attention and is jealous of his brother being at home all the time - frightened of missing something - he is alao not sleeping a well as he should - also - the swearing is coming from a little boy at school - teachers informed - so a waiting game now - we have brought in a time out spot - and are following through with it. I am giving him one to one time as is his dad - and we are having more family time - he is also in a real routine of going to bed and going to sleep now -before he was up and down all night wanting attention. this is slowly but surely altering his attitude and me and OH can see a difference - don't get me wrong - it is still gonna take time - but he is much better than he was - anything would have been an improvement.... fingers crossed things will be ok xx