Being a grown-up can be morbid!

[Sarahkka]

With all the excitement over becoming a parent, I am also now facing the less pleasant, but totally necessary task, of putting together a will that protects my baby should the unthinkable happen and both myself and my husband are run over by a bus or something equally delightful.
We are just now trying to figure out who we would want to raise our LO and how to provide for LO, etc. We just got all the life insurance sorted out, but trying to choose a guardian is not easy.
It got me thinking that some of you savvy mums (and maybe some dads, too) might have some advice on how you chose/are choosing godparents and what sort of things you are doing to take care of this depressingly responsible side of being a grown-up.
Thoughts?

 

[brownhairedmom]

We have a thread about this in single parents too.

I'm doing up a will that deliberately excludes Adam or his mother from getting custody if something happens to me. I'm leaving her with my sister.

 

[Pyrrhic]

Traditionally Godparents played the role of looking after the spiritual well-being of your child. You pick godparents who share your spiritual beliefs and who will be there for the child in a spiritual manner. If you are looking for someone to assume care in your absence, then they are referred to as a legal guardian.

I think the things you need to ask yourself are:

1. Is the person financially able to look after a child? Or will you be leaving money to cover this?
2. Are they willing to take on the responsibility?
3. How long have you known them for? Friends can often lose touch with you, family you will know forever.
4. Would they care for the child as if it were their own?
5. Do they share your ideas on parenting?

 

[Sarahkka]

Godparents and guardians are not the same thing. Ahhh - see why I needed advice?
We will have baby covered financially, but our families live across the country from each other. We are very close to both sides, but don't really see an ideal situation with any family members as most have their own broods to contend with or are good-natured, absent-minded bachelors. Grandparents could work, but they'd be getting on in years and trying to raise a kid.....? Hmm.
We have a couple of friends in mind, but I don't know if they'd accept the responsibility or not? I am trying to understand everything that legal guardian entails before asking.
Good points to think about, though. Thank you!

 

[lifeguard]

In my family godparents & guardians are the same thing. We are godparents to our nephew & take it very seriously that we create a good relationship with him so that if heaven forbid something happened the transition to our house would be less traumatic.

Things we're considering:
-We definitely won't leave him with either of our parents. We just don't think it's fair to anyone involved to ask our ageing parents to have to parent again.
-In our family neither of our siblings would work (at this point in time) as they are not stable (financially, living conditions, etc.)
-We are looking at our extended family & friends & I think the number one concern for us is whether or not they share the same values as us when it comes to child rearing & life.

It is such a tough decision.

 

[Blah11]

I'd leave LO to my mother. I'm only 20 so she's not 50 yet so I don't think the age will have any great effect on the situation. besides, there's no one else I trust enough.

 

[enigma]

This gets me everytime, because i have no idea what would happen to our kids, i would have said they would go to my BIL but hes now with a girl who has 3 little kids and is expecting another, so im back to the HMMMM part again.
My Mum and Dad have been quite ill over the last few years, so wouldent like to burden them, my hubby had a bad upbringing, so they would not under any circumstances go to hes parents.
I think id rather they was raised by a foster family on the condition they was kept together, then they will always have each other.
Its just so hard, ill just have to make sure nothing happens to us for 10 years, then my oldest will be a resposable adult at 18 and my next will be 16, so that would work for me.

 

[nikky0907]

I started this in the single parents section I even included the word 'morbid' in the title!Weird!

I can't belive that I am 19 and drawing up a will!

Anyway,I am meeting with a lawyer,discussed it with Nathan(baby's dad) and he will take full custody incase something happens to me during childbirth or later.

 

[Blob]

Yea i think i would leave bean to my mother, as she isnt very old yet anyways. There is noone else i trust, none of my friends could do it ha ha!! Its so so hard to decide these things i think my OH and i might fight over it, hope he doesnt want his parents to look after bean I would kick his butt.

 

[Mummy2Many]

If anything did happen, then mine would go to my mum. She's as close as can be with them, anyway. And she isn't that old, she's 46 and has a 4-month-old daughter of her own, lol. It is a very morbid thing to have to plan out though!!

 

[Sarahkka]

I started this in the single parents section I even included the word 'morbid' in the title!Weird!

I can't belive that I am 19 and drawing up a will!

Anyway,I am meeting with a lawyer,discussed it with Nathan(baby's dad) and he will take full custody incase something happens to me during childbirth or later.

I haven't checked out the single parents section yet, believe it or not!
Great minds think alike?

Do you mind me asking was there anything other than the name of the chosen guardian that you needed for the lawyer? Do they need your wishes for the child's upbringing, or is that something you agree on separately with the chosen person?
For example, what if I have chosen someone who fits everything I would wish for as a guardian, except that they are a practising Christian and I want my child to be raised agnostic. Is that something that you can write into a will? This is not the actual case with me at all, I'm just wondering if you can do that?
Does anyone know?

 

[nikky0907]

Actually,I haven't met up with a lawyer yet,we arranged a meeting for next week.

However,as far as I understood you can't really choose the matter in which the child will be raised after you're gone(you can only discuss it with the selected guardian).

But you can,for example,leave a certain amount of money that should be used ONLY for the child's private school tuition if you want the child go to a private school.

And you can draw up certain aspects as to when the child gets a certain amount of money you leave it...at what ages,college tuitions.
So you can only control the financial upbringing of the child not so much the social or spiritual.

I hope you got my point It's a complicated procedure!

 

[enigma]

Tax credits open a trust fund for your kids, so maybe, if you are worried about money, you have it writen that any cash left for them, gets paid into that trust fund, they cant touch until they are 18.
Or maybe open a trust for them your self and do it that way, then you get to say when they can open it, 18, 21, what ever age you think is best for them.

Just an after thought.

 

[Sarahkka]

We have taken out a life insurance policy, but we also need to designate how that and the rest of baby's inheritance should be allocated.
There seem to be a lot of choices.
One of the thoughts I had was to have a few family members act together as the managers of the trust or whatever we set up for baby. Someone separate from the guardian. I trust the friends and family that we are considering for guardianship implicitly, but I thought that having a small circle of trusted adult advisors might be helpful for baby when he/she is old enough to access the money. It also creates natural checks and balances, so that there is lots of accountability.
I'm not worried about someone pilfering funds at all. The scenario I would hope to avoid by having a few managers is to prevent a well-meaning relative from taking an investment risk with the money. You know - let's help junior out by using the inheritance to buy shares in this great new company, and then potentially losing all of it. Far-fetched concern, but one I want to safeguard against.
So I guess we need to set up a fund to provide for baby's upbringing and a separate one for baby's adult future (school, etc)? Oh my god, there is so much work to being a parent and it's not even born yet!!!!!!

 

[PeanutBean]

Yep, we've been looking at wills too. We'll not be getting the baby christened so he/she won't really have godparents, not formally, though we have asked someone to fill the equivalent role. I am also considering her for a guardian. All my siblings have loads of kids so they are not really an option and my parents are too old too. It's hard picking even another godparent type. I can't think of anyone responsible enough and have asked DH to think of his friends but a lot of them are knackers! I agree with what others have said, the person needs to be logistically able to cope with your child and I would also say they should come from a similar place as you do, if possible, so that your child will get as close an upbringing to the one they would've had.

 

[missjacey44]

I think me and hubby are going to have an argument over my parents or his... !!! Im not even going to discuss it with him yet!

 

[Shri]

This is something I really don't know what to do about. We don't have anyone close to us who fits the bill or that we would feel really good about. I get really worried when I think about it all.