Being made to feel bad for not wanting to BF

Discussion in 'Breastfeeding' started by candeur, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. candeur

    candeur Well-Known Member

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    My OH is really giving me a hard time about not wanting to breastfeed. It's come to a point where I'm tip toeing around the subject and when it does come up, he gets really annoyed with me, for example i was going to pick up some formula from the shop early with my weekly shop, when i asked him his opinion he basically just muttered something and told me he was putting his phone in the other room and not to ring him. The best I can do for him is tell him that I will not rule breastfeeding out when the baby is born and I will see how I feel, and give it a go, but this isn't good enough for him. im beginning to feel like ive failed before ive even begun, everyone else is really supportive but his opinion is what matters most to me and i feel like i really need his support. has anyone elses partners been the same and how did it work out?
    I really dont want to feel pressurised into a decision which i dont feel comfortable with.
    Any advice would be really appreciated x
     
  2. Serene123

    Serene123 Guest

    Just wondering why you don't want to breastfeed?
    It is totally your decision and it's not him who will have to do it.
     
  3. hypnorm

    hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    my Oh really wanted me to breastfeed and didnt want me buying any formula at all,
    I was worried that i might not be able to but i knew that i wanted to give it a go, and my Oh couldnt have been more supportive, when i wanted to give up he reallly helped keep me focused. If you are intent on not feeding then you will both have to sit down and talk about what you want, skipping around it won't help.
    Breastfeeding doesnt come naturally unlike how they describe it!! and i dont think some men realise this.
     
  4. AppleBlossom

    AppleBlossom Guest

    I never considered breastfeeding but my OH insisted and eventually I wanted too anyway. You propbably have your own reasons why you don't want to breastfeed but I would advise buying formula too as sometimes your LO may have problems with latching etc. My MW said to keep some in just incase
     
  5. sam's mum

    sam's mum mum of two gorgeous boys

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    I'm not sure what more you can do other than telling him that you'll give it a go if you're comfortable with that. He shouldn't be forcing you into something you're not comfortable with at a time when you should be enjoying your new baby! I think some people get the impression that it's the easiest thing in the world, and while it is for some people, if you don't get everything right straight away it can be very painful for the first few weeks (I had really badly cracked nipples and was in so much pain for weeks after Sam was born, then I got thrush a few months later which was very painful as well). If you do want to give it a go, I'd really advise you to get some support from someone right from the start or even before you give birth - loads of places run free clinics. But if you're not comfortable with the idea at all, you need to explain that to your OH - have you asked him why he feels so strongly about it? Whatever you're most comfortable with is the best thing for your baby, as the happier and more relaxed you are, the happier your baby will be x
     
  6. babezone

    babezone Well-Known Member

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    maybe have a talk with him and ask him why he actually feels so strongly about you brestfeeding....i myself am choosing not to bresfeed. and i do think there are sum good advantages with not bresfeeding as bottle feeding makes it so much more easyer for OH to feed bubs aswell i no people say wel ya can express but i dont want to feel drained i want to be in a nice routine with bubs...thers other reasons i dont want to bresfeed to but thats a diff story...i jus think u need to make DH aware of the good sides of not brestfeeding even if it means googling it and writing it down for him to see if he wont listen xx
     
  7. candeur

    candeur Well-Known Member

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    It sounds completely ridiculous but it's something I feel completely uncomfortable with, I don't think I'll be able to cope with the stress if it doesn't work out and I really want my partner and family to be really involved with the feeding.
    I am going to try and stay open minded and I have told him that I may feel completely different once she's here and want to BF, I'm not ruling it out completely, but he is just the most stubborn person, and thinks its not fair that he doesn't get a say in the matter.

    To be honest I was completely surprised but how strongly he felt about it, and I have no idea why, his family are very open minded and supportive about prefering to bottle feed, and his brothers were bottle fed.
     
  8. ryder

    ryder Mum to Jasmine & Peyton

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    I feel the same way candeur!

    Although my OH isnt really insistent on it, and I haven't really gotten into a convo with him about it. He is happy with me trying, or expressing. He only thinks its the best because of his sisters influence.

    My big thing will be being pressured at the hospital. Ours is ok, if you tell them before your admitted about your choices, but if you say you want to BF they really push you to it.

    Basically im going to have a pump, formula and bottles ready for when I get home, just in case.

    You should not be made to feel guilty about not wanting to BF. And it definately should not be your OH pressuring you into it!
     
  9. isil

    isil Well-Known Member

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    my OH is still very unsupportive about me bottle feeding. So much so that until he had time off work this week I hid how much formula I was giving LO. It does feel awful to not have your OH on side (I am almost crying about it now - what an idiot!) so you need to try and get him to understand that you'll try but at the end of the day he really needs to support you. Feeding either way is difficult and you definitely need him onside.
     
  10. Angelica

    Angelica Proud mummy :)

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    BF is hard enough for some women & pressure from OH or anyone else is simply not needed!!
    Do what u feel is best for u & baby, dont worry about anyone else!

    All the best
     
  11. candeur

    candeur Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for your advice, and sorry some of you are going through the same, we're under enough pressure nevermind having to worry about what our partners think of our own choices! I'm going to stick to my guns on this one, and make clear to him my reasons for my decision. Thanks again x
     
  12. mummyoffive

    mummyoffive Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I really feel for you right now. If you are definate that you want to ff why you really need to sit down with your OH and explain this. I have 5 children and I have not breastfed- which I regret now.

    I thought I would feel uncomfortable with feeding in front of certain people and outside etc, but looking back I desperately wish I had tried!

    How about expressing and feeding from a cup as an alternative? A tiny cup is used to feed the baby your milk, so they will get the nutrients and milk your OH wanted but not actually latching onto the breast?

    Just an idea as a compromise. I have seen many ladies do this as a maternity care assistant and they get on with it great.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.x
     
  13. nikky0907

    nikky0907 Well-Known Member

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    Hun,I'm sure once your baby is here it will be the last thing on his mind.

    So far just simply tell him that you'll give it a go,but if you're uncomfortable,you're uncomfortable.
    He'll realize that.

    I completely understand how you feel because I am also very uncomfortable with it and I don't breastfeed,my daughter is exclusivly bottlefed.
    He really isn't fair putting all ths pressure on you since you clearly stated your decision.
     

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